A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My brother, his wife and I live on the same street. My brother and I have always been close. I am single and work from home. I rent while my brother owns his home. About 4 months ago, my brother and sister-in-law announced that they are pregnant. My brother and sister-in-law has made comments that deals with her expectations that she expects me to babysit after the baby is born while they are at work. I never agreed to that.The issue is that I received a job offer that I accepted in another state. I took the job and will be moving (I don't have to worry about selling my house since I rent). This is a great job offer in a state that I always enjoyed visiting. How do I break the news to my brother and sister-in-law that I am moving to another state and that I won't be able to babysit after the baby is born?
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male
reader, kenny  +, writes (10 September 2023):
 Nothing was set in stone that you would babysit the baby when its born. They are assuming that you will do this as they assume that you are available and work from home, which is wrong.
You are single, your life is your own and you are free to do what you want. You have a fantastic job offer that is brilliant and exciting and you should now be looking forward to this.
I think its rather unrealistic of them to assume you will be baby sitter so they can go back to work and fulfill their careers.
All you can be is brutally honest and tell them your plans, i feel you should do this sooner rather than later, the longer you leave it the harder it will get.
Of course you will love the baby, but its not your responsibility to look after it, the responsibility is theirs.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 September 2023):
 I would let them know now so they can make other plans.
It is NOT your problem that they are having a child. They need to figure out childcare that isn't your problem unless you OFFERED to watch the baby.
Poor planning on their behalf doesn't mean YOU have to sort that out for them or take responsibility for it.
Your sister-in-law is delusional if she thinks it's YOUR job to watch her kid! And I bet she also expects you to do it for free, right?
Just tell your brother, hey I just got a new job and I can't wait to start, it is in XYZ-state and I hope we can still visit each other!
What is he going to say? He might not like it, but it's YOUR life and YOUR choice.
Good luck with the move and the new job!!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (9 September 2023):
 It is not your fault that your brother and his wife assumed you would be the resident baby minder. You have your own life to live. It sounds like you kept quiet when these expectations were voiced. It would have been far easier if you had said straight away that you were not prepared to do that. However, that is water under the bridge now.
I know it must be tempting to hold off as long as possible but the sooner you tell them of your plans, the better. This will give them maximum time to make other plans for the care of their child.
Whatever you do, do not allow them to guilt you into staying.
Good luck with the new job.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (9 September 2023):
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2023): I don't know what kind of relationship you have and what kind of marriage your brother has, but...
It's insane that you think that you moving may be a problem for them!
They are having a kid. NOT you.
It's insane that they expect you to babysit.
Nobody can expect that!
So I wouldn't mention this babysitting madness. I'd put everything into motion and when it is sure that I'm leaving, I would simply say that I have some great news for my career...
And also. Even if I were to stay in the same city, I would move far away from them if they were taking me Andy time for granted!
You should have your own life!
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