A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in a Long Distance relationship that seems to have worked so great until now that we are trying to make the next move into marriage. Neither one of us wants to relocate. When we met the talks of relocation was easy. Now he is very much established in the UK and im very well stable and established in the States.ive read simikar stories here but all who have relocated did so because one was flexible more than the other. In our case no one is willing to start from the scratch because these careers of ours are really our life goals and a dream come through and we are living it. If we forgo our dreams for love, will we be truly happy?We both are family oriented well I am and will prefer my family to be based in the same location. He thinks I can have kids and travel back and forth. Not sure who this type of arrangement works for. Or I f you have better LDR relocation ideasPlease advice.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (2 January 2014):
 There is no easy answer for you.
From what I've observed is that there is often animosity when one person moves to be with the other if they aren't extremely excited about the idea. So what I've seen works best is for the two of you to pick a brand new place and BOTH move there. If you really feel like you can't live without the other person, you should both pick a place where lots of jobs are and both start putting out feelers for equivalent or even better jobs with the intention of going within a year.
But really if neither of you will move and neither can move, LDR is not a very good option and it's probably for the best to break up and get the heartache over with.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have known this guy for 15yrs so this isn't new. Like I said I was in school then and wanted to concentrate on school. Relocating wasn't a problem then but God works in mysterious ways. After school I was offered a good job and this job has taken me places far beyond expectations. We broke up because the distance started to mess with us in 2008 but kept really good ties with each other. After seeing other partners we decided that what we had although distance was in the way was so real and we will like to start over or continue from what we left off.
Now the issue of distance started to become real again. Now neither one of us wants to move and our reasons are both clear and understandable with no selfish interest. So is this it for us? We cant make this happen. Our love is so strong but we cant be at the same place at the same time. Its crazy.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (1 January 2014):
How much time have you guys spent together in person?
If it's plenty (like a few months) then I'd say this is a hard choice. If it's less than that I think you might just have to call it off, as hard as that may be.
Moving from one country to another can be a very difficult exoerience. You miss your friends and family, your favorite places, your favorite foods, etc. This means you rely almost exclusively on someone you have spent almost no face to face time with. This puts a ton of pressure on the relationship.
The truth is that you didn't need to look in the UK for love, so this isn't the end of the road for finding a soulmate. Just look closer to home next time.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (1 January 2014):
I know of a marriage where they were long distance for a decade, and both were miserable. Finally the woman decided to come to be with the man. They tried it for a year and there were no jobs to be had. She was doing jobs she didn't really like and she was so miserable they divorced and she went home begging her old employer to take her back.
I am sorry you have to make this really hard decision, I would say though that a) do not get married until you are both SETTLED, and b) I personally would advise against giving up either career unless one of you can find an equally good opportunity near the other.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 January 2014):
 Well I can tell you that we have VERY close friends that travel with their baby (she's actually going to be two this year) to England twice a year to see HIS parents.
He moved here to be with her over ten years ago. She agreed to vacations in England/Europe with his family and Baby went on her first plane ride at three months...
That being said: IF you do not want to move, if being here near your family is important to you and he does not want to move, then you have no choice but to end the relationship.
Yes I know of LDR marriages that work but not across the pond. The one I know that works is a 2 hour distance and the hubby takes the train home 3 out of 4 weekends... this has been their way since they met. It will go on for two more years till he retires and moves to be with his wife full time.
LDRS have to have the final goal of NOT being LDR and SOMEONE or both of you will have to give up something in order to make this work.
I Know for us it was a no brainer. I am an employee of the federal government and have almost 25 years of service in. I was NOT leaving my job.
My husband (then boyfriend) opted to give up an apartment and move 2 hours to be with me in what is now OUR home. He continued to telecommute for work for a few months and then lost his job which was fine with us. He found a new job down here and life continued.
IF you won't or can't give up your job and he can't or won't give up his job, then the distance is too great to make this work.
HARD choices... sadly no one can run the pros and cons for you but you have my sympathy in having to make this very hard choice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2014): first happy new year to you and I hope 2014 brings you peace of mind and everything good.
I think the one who should relocate is the one who earns less, the other person should be able to support a household of two for a while until the person who relocates, finds a decent job !! HOWEVER deciding on who should relocate is yours and your boyfriend's only, if you have 2nd thoughts about it then don't do it, you don't want later in life any regrets. Talk to your boyfriend again, write down a pros and cons list, that will help you decide, just keep in mind jobs come and go nothing in life is definite and life is full of surprises. Good Luck !!
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