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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: So this is my last posthttp://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-it-possible-that-my-ex-said-he.htmlI'm now over my ex. He's completely dead to me. I think I only hate toward him now. I was reading the love notes and cards he wrote to me which I didn't dare to after he dumped me. The only thought I had was send them back. I don't want to keep them since they don't mean anything to me now. I don't want to throw them away because I want to hurt him. He's hurt me way too much. He cheated 3 times. We were LDR. We had an agreement that if he had no love for me, he should let me know. I would be cool with it and let go. Yet he lied to me about loving me when he's distant then dumped me without any signs. All I want to do is hurt him. What else can I do with those cards and notes? They really annoy me.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 January 2014):
 I am also with SVC 100%
You are not over him.
And sending them back will do what? Make him think YOU still think about him. That he is still an influence. (and he is) Because once you are over a guy you don't hate them, you just stop caring, you might even have a little regret that you dated him in the first place.. HATE? That is a strong emotion and negative emotion. It will MAKE YOU a bitter person by holding on to it.
BURN the notes, cards and letter - set yourself FREE of him.
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (10 January 2014):
 I'm afraid you aren't over your ex is you still feel hatred toward him. As stated several times from the aunts/uncles already, there is a very thin line between love and hate. You aren't completely over him or you truly wouldn't be caring what he has done, or about old letters. You would be moving along in your own life and couldn't care less what is going on with his. Hate is a very strong emotion and a very negative emotion to carry around. Its a burden that you don't need. It takes up too much time and energy, learn to start caring about yourself and your future. You will feel better.
I truly understand the pain/suffering that you are feeling. My 12 year relationship ended just last month. It was sooo painful to me. Cheating wasn't involved that I'm aware of, but the trust was gone and promises made were broken.
I dont hate the man...I feel sorry for him. Some days I am angry at the time he wasted for both of us, but more than anything I just feel sad because he doesn't know what he wants in life and kept my life in limbo while he tried to figure out what he wanted.
I packed up all of the mementos and they are in a box. Anything to do with him is gone, out of sight. Eventually I will donate items, throw away. Phone number has been changed, email has been closed. I dont want to talk to him again. Sometimes I miss him terribly but I know I deserve far better than what he gave me in the end.
This is what you have to tell yourself. You deserve better. he won't care if you hate him, sweetie. It will only make him laugh, or make him smirk. He doesn't care. And you have to stop caring about him because you can't go on with your life until he no longer matters.
I hope you will find the strength and the courage to listen to what all the aunts/uncles are telling you. I wish you all the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2014): "I'm now over my ex. He's completely dead to me." -- "I want to hurt him...All I want to do is hurt him...They really annoy me."
"I think I only hate toward him now."
Hatred is not being over someone OP. Hate and love are the same emotion, the only difference is one is negative but hate is a form of passion.
Just burn them along with everything else he ever gave you and focus on getting over him. Stop fooling yourself into believing you are, because hating someone is still an emotional investment in them and being over someone means not caring about them or anything to do with them.
You have a long way to go, OP, start by either throwing those letters out, burning them or my personal favourite using them to wipe your arse.
OP, if you were over him getting rid of them would be easy but you can't because they're too important to you still. No matter what you say you don't want to let go of this guy, you still refuse to do that. You took everyone's advice from your last question then decided 'Boom! I'm over him because that's what they said needed to happen.' but it doesn't work like that.
now you're even looking to use his letters as a way of getting him to think about you.
You want some tough love OP, you want the harsh truth? He won't be hurt if you send them, he'll think to himself "I've got this bitch right where I want her, all my pretty words worked perfectly, I'm such a legend! I'll be hitting that by the end of the week, she just can't get enough of me."
OP just last week you talked about a "beautiful" tearful reunion where you both admitted you still loved each other and now this?
time to cut off contact again and this time make it permanent, you spent a whole three months trying to get over him and you stupidly (no offence) decided it would be a good idea to get all lovey dovey with him again.
The person you should be pissed at is yourself, you were the one who let yourself get carried away believing this cheater but only if you don't learn your lesson for the second time here.
This guy has nothing to offer you but pain, you're too weak for him. Get rid of him and everything to with him for good this time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2014): I agree with So very confused. These notes mean nothing to him. Anything you do will not affect him deeply as he has proved that in his appalling behaviour towards you. My ex was abusive and then dumped me. I wrote his mobile on a piece of paper and burnt it in my garden saying good bye. I made a ritual of it. Write a letter explaining all the hurt and anger. Put this and all his cards together and The anger and hurt will gradually subside. Its a part of the grieving process. You have every right to be angry. My ex cheated on me for 9 months 3 years ago. I couldn't give a damn about him and cant even remember what I saw in him.....
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A
female
reader, MissTellAll +, writes (10 January 2014):
 If you want to, send them back. If you think that that will make you feel better. However, I find that acts of aggression like this usually just leave me feeling more hollow than before. I remember I burned up all of the notes my ex gave me and it made me feel better for a second and then I thought, "Well, that was silly, I could have thrown them out just as easily."
Basically, it's up to you. I don't blame you for wanting to do that. It might hurt if he were to try to contact you afterwards, which is my biggest worry. Just be careful and do what your gut tells you.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (10 January 2014):
 I agree with SOVERYCONFUSED, sending them back wont hurt him...not even if you stapled them to his shirt tails!! lol
You need to give yourself more time to forget him and move on. Having love letters and notes around only reminds you of the good times, but he gave you a generous dose of bad times too, so it's those you need to think about when your heart starts paining you.
Having agreements that you won't hurt eachother in a relationship is as futile as trying to hold back the tide with your hands...it sounds good in theory but is totally pointless. People only stay where they are happy and if they cannot do better elsewhere...such is the nature of relationships.
He was a cheat, things failed and will probably always fail for him because a cheater is a cheater is a cheater!!!!
If you can't bear to have the notes and letters around but cannot throw them away either, put them in a sealed box and give them to a friend to hold onto. When you meet your next partner, you will probably forget all about them.
Don't seek revenge, you will only hurt yourself.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 January 2014):
 you sending them back will not hurt him.
you wanting to hurt him means you are not over him and are not processing the loss and pain...
HATE is NOT the opposite of love... so HATING him means you still feel PASSION towards him... what you need to get to is INDIFFERENCE or ambivalence.. ONLY then are you truly over him and the relationship.
Holding on to pain and anger only hurts YOU not him.
I would gather them all up and burn them.
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