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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid Hi all where do i begin . Well ive been with my boyfriend 10years and I do love very much . Im preganant due date very soon all is very exciting . My boyfriend is a very loverble man but im starting to question his love for me alot for instance we could be getting on so well together then if i say or do somthing so minor that he doesnt like he will start cursing and shouting at me like im some kind of stranger dont understand why theres so much anger and why he cant speak to m with some respect like the rest of the world. Ive adressed this issue with before but i always end up in the wrong its so frustrsting i mean i cant be wrong all the time can I? I feel like his just settling with me because of the period we have been together and now baby. I also feel uncomfortable the way he talks and gives other women eye contact its exactly the same way as he does with me dont feel special at all or am i been dramatic? I love him so much i even see past that he hasnt got a job at the moment its been a while and we dont go out or even recieve no gifts but im not materialistic anyway. Just a confusing place to be the disrespect and name calling over something so little confuses me and his always right ! Your advice would be much appreciated.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 March 2015):
 IN the beginning of a relationship we are on our best behavior. As the relationship progresses the person we love the most and want to be with the most becomes our "safe place" and we "let our hair down with them"
this means we tend to treat the person we love the most the worst because we vent our hostility towards the rest of the world on them.
at least I have seen this in my relationships. My hubby "has" to be "nice" to strangers or co-workers but his rage at the rest of the world "has to go somewhere" and I'm it.
At least that's how it's been. I put things in quotes because it can change... and it should change.
it's a good question... has he always been like this or is the lack of job and the pregnancy causing it or making it worse?
An unemployed man having a baby has got to feel way more stress than an employed man. "How is he to provide for his child and his partner" is what he's probably thinking and that means he feels less manly, less needed, less important.
IF he's always been like this, we have a different issue here.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2015): Everyone has assumed that he only started being like this when he lost his job and you got pregnant.
Has he always been like this or did this start recently?
The advice depends on your answer to this question.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2015): When he does it again, don't say anything. Let him finish his rant and simply walk away silent. Give him no reaction but have a serious face and stay to yourself a couple of days. After a couple of days pass, sit him down and talk to him and tell him he is very disrespect and he is not to speak to you like that again. The silence will make him reflect on his behavior. The lack of a reaction and just walking away will be different to what he is use to and can be used to signal that you have reached your limit with his disrespect, because he knows he is disrespecting you.Seems like he is probably stressed because you are having a baby and he doesn't have a job. I am sure he is probably feeling like a failure. He may not tell you but it has to be getting to him. He is the man and can't support his family. Still, he must understand he can't disrespect you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 March 2015):
 You are hoping that you would become one happy family and are waiting for him to get a job while he feels like his life is ruined because a baby means no freedom for him. As due date is approaching it means he has to think about how to pay for diapers, rent, baby food. Being a new father while jobless is a bad place to be. Let's not forget it takes two to make a baby. So he's wrong if he didn't use a condom. Right now he's angry with himself but you became the object or an outlet for his anger. He's looking at other women because he needs an escape from this dire reality, that he can't provide for you. He fantasizes about going back to single life without responsibilities. He is putting you down and making himself right because he knew how wrong he was to make you pregnant without future preparation. He tried to blame it on you but that just makes him look even worse. I am glad that you still feel excited about the baby but the name calling and disrespect has to stop. If he doesn't stop then you tell him you don't want him near you, and that you would find ways to support yourself.
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