A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Right here goes..... very long story shortMy ex boyfriend decided to contact me out of the blue after being broken up for 3 years saying he was sorry and he loved me and wanted me back. I told him I was already in a relationship with someone else (as I was at that point) and that we cannot be together but we agreed to stay friends and keep in touch. We used to message each other via Facebook just as friends. He then started blowing hot and cold with me and would talk to me one minute and then just stop replying to my messages the next and would completely ignore me for days/ weeks. Then when he decided he wanted to talk again he would contact me and start another conversation and then after a while he would just stop replying again. After 2 years of tolerating this behaviour I decided enough was enough so I confronted him and he just made excuses about him not having time to reply due to his work, he was too tired etc etc (even though he would quite happily reply to comments people made on his facebook profile and was always very active on whatsapp whilst my message was just sat in his inbox unanswered while he claimed he was too busy working to reply). Although I accepted he may have been busy, it was becoming more and more obvious he was ignoring me on purpose and when he did talk to me he would sometimes ask me inappropriate questions about my sex life to which I became really offended! He then proceeded to tell me that if I'm going to get offended at the slightest little thing then there's no point us both talking. I told him fine but it was his idea we should talk in the first place as it was him who came back to me after all that time apart and contacted me and insisted we stayed in touch. He then decided to drag our past relationship up and started blaming me for the break up and basically telling me I used him for sex and that I ran away from him!! That is not true, I left him because he did something bad to me that I could not forgive him for and he hurt me so much. I gave him an explanation as to what he did and why I felt it necessary to end our relationship. He dismissed everything I said and started ignoring everything I was telling him. He wouldn't listen to my explanations of why I dumped him and ignored my messages so I basically told him that was the end of our friendship and never to contact me again (which I now regret as I think I behaved a little bit immature and should have realised he is possibly still upset and hurt but I was upset by his ignorance) and we have not been in touch for about 6 months now and I miss him like crazy. Last week however, I got a friend request via Facebook from an unknown person (supposedly a woman). I accepted the friend request as the profile stated she was from my area and it was also showing we had a mutual friend however my mutual friend has confirmed she does not know this person either so I sent them a message saying "hi who are you, do we know each other?" and got no reply so I tried again a few days later but still got no reply and I was beginning to suspect it was a fake profile as there were some really random people on her friends list from different parts of the country and some even from different parts of the world. After reading an article on the internet about fake facebook profiles, I decided to do a Google image search on the profile picture by saving the picture and then dragging it into the search bar (as advised by the article). Plenty of search results came up for the same picture and it became clear that the picture was used as adverts for dating sites, chat sites and various different slutty type profiles on twitter so it had obviously been taken and used for this facebook profile. I also read on the article that many men set up fake facebook profiles pretending to be women (so that it doesn't look so obvious) and add their exes as friends to keep tabs on them. I find it strange how this person has gone to such great extremes to not only set up a fake profile but to add many many random people and try to make their profile as realistic as possible. I also find it strange that this person was active on facebook at 4am and 5am in the morning which are the same times my ex used to message me while he was at work. I also find it strange how this profile only added me and my friend from our area too and that they managed to just stumble across our profiles. I decided to visit my ex's profile on facebook and saw that he had uploaded a couple of pictures at 3.50am one morning and then lo and behold the unknown person had also been active on the fake profile just a couple of minutes afterwards which I find too much of a coincidence! I would also like to point out that in the time we had broken up he constantly gave me prank phone calls on withheld number because he apparently wanted to "talk to me" but wouldn't tell me who he was and he tried to add me on other social networking sites too so I do believe he is the type of person who would do something like this. I have since deleted the profile from my friends list. However, I have a gut feeling this is my ex boyfriend and now I can't get him out of my head. I want to talk to him so much and miss him but I don't want to contact him after I told him I never want to speak to him again for fear of him thinking I'm crazy and we parted on very bad terms after a bad argument. I am tempted to send him a message via his normal facebook profile to ask if it was him adding me with the fake profile or simply just to let him know that I think it was him and use this as a chance to get in touch with him, however, I do realise there is a chance it may not be him and that he might think I'm crazy if I just start asking him. I am driving myself insane as I really want to talk to him again and don't know what to do.
View related questions:
at work, facebook, immature, my ex, sex life, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 March 2015):
 YOU miss him? really what part of him do you miss?
make yourself a list of all the things that you like about him currently. NOT the things in the past. Not the things you WANT him to be... but the things that he currently is.
this should help you stop missing him.
what you miss is not what he is but what he was and what he represents.
Be like Elsa and "let it go"
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2015): Wow,Op, that's the short version?:P
I think you are going through something similar to what I've experienced-you loved somebody a lot and you found it very hard to let go of that person.
Now,I think exes can be friends but only if they do the legwork and hard bits first (which he didn't- you just let him right back in).
He is NOT your friend. You miss speaking to him-I get that, that used to drive me crazyyyy and remind me just how much I missed the idiot.
I got a very good advice from a friend that I shall now pass to you-occupy yourself with something else. For example, I used to e-mail my ex often with things I found funny/interesting. We used to talk a lot.
That chunk of my day was gone,so to speak and I missed it. By occupying myself with something else,my friend meant: replace one action with another.
For example, in the time when you feel like msg him,do something else pre-planned for when the urge hits: watch that movie you always wanted to watch,listen to a couple of songs,come on here,whatevs works for you,but do it and do it again till the msging is no longer a part of your life.
Or a reminder of him.
One part of your heart still loves him-I can clearly see that. I used to justify/try and understand him (as I see you did too!)
You can still try and understand,but let go. And don't justify him extra, what he did was plenty wrong (if I have hit on the right thing...) and you don't need to argue with a deluded mind (=nothing is ever his fault,now,is it? Again,reminds me of someone...whatever you say to that type of person they'll never listen coz they have their version of the truth in their head in which everything is always someone else's fault. I don't know if yours has gone so far, but mine implied that I pushed him to cheat...Yeah,man,I put a gun to your head and said:"Yeah,please go and stick your d&^% into a vagina"...Sarcasm. You get the point. He was never in the wrong, that poor,little thing...)
Soooo,by the length of your submission and detail-you still have feelings for him. Block the fake profile, block him out of your life, get other things/people to do and forget him. He did not have your best interests at heart. Only his.
Which means that even if you loved him plenty, he did not love you enough.
And that tells you all you need to know. You don't need other reasons. He did not love you enough to treat you well.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2015): He's playing mind-manipulation games with your head, my dear.
This is how exes keep you paralyzed in the past, and you end-up getting very entangled and confused by their games. The result is, you relapse back to that miserable place you were after your breakup. He doesn't want you, but he doesn't want anyone else to have you either.
He knows you're easily manipulated by your feelings; and you rely too heavily on your emotions when dealing with him. You went to great lengths to determine if he had a fake profile. Seriously?!!
If he does creepy stuff like that, what the heck do you want from him?
Well, he's proving he's smarter than you. He's got you stuck right where he wants you. Pining and whining for him, while he ignores you. You've been played!!!
He knew you'd figure out he was behind the fake profile. He knows you and your habits. It's not really rocket science, anyway. In-fact, it's a pretty common practice among stalkers and trolls to hide behind fake profiles. He just wants to know who you're "diddling" with these days.
As long as you're alone, he's happy as a clam! He's got you all messed-up.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2015): Why do you want to be in contact with someone you know has problems with truth and treats you with disrespect? You have a problem but it is not with him it is with your self esteem. Find something else to do with yourself.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 March 2015):
 You're giving this character "Free Parking" in your head. Do you REALLY wish to continue doing so?????
Good luck..
...............................
|
