A
female
age
30-35,
*ombiedsocks
writes:How much time should you spend together in a relationship?We have been together nearly 3 years and I just don't feel like we spend enough time together. She will come over on the Friday every two weeks and stay the night and then I'll see her once on the previous week when we go out for food and a movie. I just don't feel like once a week is enough, another thing that upsets me is that she won't book a holiday with me so we can have a weekend break away together alone but she books them with her mother, she's been on two this year with her already. When I ask she tells me I am stressing her out and making her feel shit but literally all I have asked is 'Can we go on a weekend trip together?'.We don't have phone calls because she doesn't like them, when I ask a question she asks one back and explains why what I said is stupid instead of answering me so I feel anxious about what I say around her. Our only time together is basically Facebook, I ask to see her but I am always told I am stressing her out.And it does get to me, I feel lonely sometimes, yesterday I picked a fight with her because I told her I was sick and she never asked how I was but it wasn't to do with that, it was because I asked if I could see her and she said no because she always says no. She would say it's because she's now working full time that she doesn't have the time but honestly before she worked and when she had nothing but free time it was still the same way, it was still a no.I can't go to her house, we are a same sex couple so there's quite a few restrictions on the relationship. I have met her mother and she thinks I'm just a friend, which tbh I respect her not wanting her parent to know, it's that she doesn't want anyone to know, even strangers, that bothers me. Her mother has said I'm welcome over anytime but my girlfriend has excuses why I can't.Another problem I have is the blame game, I don't know what I am responsible for in regards to fights and disagreements anymore, I don't know what's an acceptable way for her to speak to me, what's her been disrespectful and what's just me been too sensitive. I know like yesterday sometimes I can pick fights but despite the fact she's only took responsibility for her actions once, she causes them too but shifts the blame to me.I get upset with how she speaks to me, like making me feel stupid or anxious, name calling and I don't know if that's okay anymore. I don't know what's acceptable anymore and what I genuinely have the right to be upset over because she has blamed me for so much and she really believes she's right because she can go days without speaking to me, taking away I love yous until I say sorry just so she will speak to me again.I love her but part of me also feels now that if I left her and moved on I'd just be making another person miserable so I feel like if we ever broke up I just wouldn't look anymore because I don't know half the time what I am doing wrong that's some how still making her angry or upset because sometimes as little as good morning has caused it.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 March 2015):
 IF you are not happy, then you need to move on. If she gets sad because of that,it's due to her own issues.
She is in the closet for whatever reason she needs to be and that's not fair to you if you are not.
If you love someone and want to be with them (even if closeted) you move heaven and earth to do so.
If you are in the same city and only see each other every other weekend or once a week, you are on the fringes of her life and not integrated into her life.
If after 3 years she still keeps you separated from the rest of her life, it's time to move on it's not going to change.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2015): Unfortunately you are not part of a couple. Your partner has put your relationship in a small corner of her mind. She is denying her sexuality and your relationship. She hates the part of herself that has a same sex relationship. Until she comes to grip with her sexuality no relationship with her will be integrated into her everyday life. Move on you can do better. Find someone who is already out and comfortable.
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