A
female
age
36-40,
*har02
writes:I just got out of a tumultuous relationship with my child's father. I don't want to be in another relationship right away. I just want to hang out, mostly by myself, go back to school, take care of my girls and just get a grip on life. But my ex-boyfriend wants to come back in the picture. See, I dated him right before I got with my current ex. The thing with the ex who wants to come back in the picture is that he didn't care too much for children and at the time I had a 2 year old. Now I have a 7 month old and he still likes me and wants to be with me. We dated for only 5 months and while we fooled around, we never went all the way. Mainly because he is a virgin. He's told me that he wanted to lose his virginity to me, but chickened out and he thought we'd be dating longer. I was the last woman he was with and we've been broken up now for almost two years. I told him I wasn't ready to start dating now and that I only saw him as a friend. He can be nice to talk to and hang out with, but I know he wants more. He's still talking about losing his virginity to me and if he does, he doesn't want our relationship to be just sex, but more. Even if I was ready to start dating, I honestly don't want to date him. I don't feel like I'm leading him on, I told him all this, but he's being persistent. He's coming over to my house next week so we can go out to dinner, watch a movie and just hang out. I know he wants more. How do I make him understand that I don't? HELP!!
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female
reader, Char02 +, writes (10 August 2009):
Char02 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah, I do admit it does sound like a date, but like I said, I told him I wasn't ready. Whenever I do decide to date again, I don't want to date him! A part of the reason we broke up beforehand was because I felt like he wasn't family or husband material. I agree that I should stop talking to him, but it's nice having a guy as a friend. I told him this and he got upset. I don't know how else to say, "I don't want you!" without seriously hurting him.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (10 August 2009):
 Well if he is stupid enough to keep constantly pursuing, calling, and coming by even though you have told him no, you will have to stop spending so much time with him. Let him know that it's because he keeps pressing the issue. In addition, I suggest reducing this dinner/movie/hang out idea, because it sounds very much like a date. Whittle it down to a movie and eat beforehand by yourself.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (10 August 2009):
I think over dinner would be a good time to lay it all out for him. Let him know a little about the last relationship and right now you need to focus on yourself and your girls. If you were to get into a relationship with him, you wouldn't be able to be as attentive or whatever it may be. Let him know that right now you can't take on a new relationship at the moment. Sometimes the timing just isn't right and you need to do what you need to do to put yourself back together and he needs to respect that.
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