A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I dated this guy for a year, and in January we broke up b/c I found out some things about him that he had been hiding from me. Our relationship had a lot of ups and downs, mainly b/c he had issues with commitment. However, for the most part I was extremely happy. He made me feel safe, made me laugh and I am comfortable with him like no one else. After a lot of effort on both our parts we have managed to remain very good friends after the breakup. There are, however, a lot of residual feelings on both our parts. He says he still loves me, and I know I still love him, and the physical attraction is most definitely there. He's scared to be in a relationship though and has some issues from his past that he is trying to resolve. He tells me that he thinks that I am the one, but wants to feel normal and in control before trying anything again, and knows that it means that I might move on before he is ready. I know I love him, and wish there was some way for us to figure this out. But I also want what's best for him....I don't want it to end up where we have to go our separate ways b/c things get too complicated. So, any advice on how to handle this, if there is any way for us to be together, would really be appreciated. I know I can't force him, but I miss him and love him. Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice. I have been thinking a lot about the situation, and been talking to him a lot. I do realize that he has a LOT of work to do on himself, and I have caught him out in a couple of lies lately.
So I think it's best that he gets the time and space he needs. I think in the end too much has happened for me to really trust him. Maybe one day that will change, but for now, I will focus on my future and let him focus on his.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (8 August 2009):
 Well what is he doing to resolve his past issues? Is he in therapy? Is he at least reading some self-help books? He sounds like he has a lot of digging to do on himself to resolve his control and commitment issues. I would not expect much from him until he comes to terms with his past, and I'm talking several years here.
It would probably be best for you to move on with your life romantically. Maybe in the future you will get back together, but there's no point in waiting around.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, busy04 +, writes (8 August 2009):
 If you really love him like you say, then give him the time that he needs to settle his issues. It seems as if you already know this, you just have to do it. From what you say about this guy: he really loves you also, and if that's the case then you two can make it. Give him a little space to straighten himself out & get in the right place that he needs to be for a relationship with you. Show him your support but don't overcrowd him and "complicate" things. It sometimes takes separation to bring appreciation, so while he's working on himself, he'll no doubt be thinking about you...and you'll have a very joyful reunion.
Take it slow...it'll work out:)
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