A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 19 and i'm in love with a married man. We met once, and we've just been talking over the phone. He sends shivers down my body to the point to where i don't know if i want to cry or have some type of sexual release. I'm a little worried, because i do feel it's wrong, but i can't necessarily stop talking to him. It's like love in the weirdest sense, because he already told me he can't promise me anything, that his children come first, and he doesn't plan on leaving his wife until his children are at the age where custody battles and divorces won't ruin their childhoods. And i understand, i went through all of that as a child, and i don't want this man last name or anything, i just love him. I want to see him again, and i'm thinking about maybe having sex with him, but i'm torn between my beliefs as a christian, and yet my beliefs as just a human being.He's 30 and it doesn't bother me, it does though make me feel that even if we had something for years, he'd still be getting older and so will his kids. lol its crazy i know, someone help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2009): glad you decided against this married man. being the other woman means low self esteem, humilation, deceiving others contributing to lies and pain. it leaves a mark on everyone and you will be judged for it by all. you may justify your behaviour or just do not give a damn but it brands you. the MM syndrome ends in disaster believe me. you just have to read the posts from mistresses whose lives are in shambles because they choose to have affairs with married men. most of the stories are the same and definately the end result is almost always the same.
one of the best ways to make peace and to do the right thing here is to end all contact with him. it won't be easy but it is absolutley necessary of you going to survive this emotional bond you have now ceated with him. it is also very selfish of him expecting you to throw away your morals to be with him. seems as though this married man just told you what you wanted to hear, the good things, made you feel good about yourself. he was boosting your ego and at the same time he has been grooming you as his potential lover. so much for having respect for you. please if he was willing to cheat on his wife with you, this speaks of his blemished character isn't it. well, also think about this, if he does it with you he will do it to you. this has been proven time and time again. make no mistake about this. yes you may believe that he is different but what is different about him and another adulterer. nothing.
the moment we make a distinction between a being christian and being a human being, what does this tell us about ourselves. i think you know that you have to practice doing the right thing, how else would you live with yourself. and thankfully you have chosent the realistic path and the right one. good luck and please believe that a single man is worthy of you. when you accept other womans seconds it means that you will always be second best. i know you are not so please steer clear of this married man. good luck and please make wise decisions. sometimes all it takes is one bad choice.............
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFemale Anon, ForevahBrit, and TheDuke } you all really helped with your answers because they were compassionate and yet realistic. That's what i feel i've been ignoring, reality. I talked to him last night and told him that we can't continue this because the more intense our sexual desire for each other gets, the harder it becomes to turn it off. He agreed and apologized for putting me in such a position. I did look inside myself and i realize i just wanted him to feel the void inside of me. I think i became enthralled by the fact that he desired me despite everything he could lose. Now i see that it doesn't make me happy it just makes me guilty of taking those feelings he should have for his wife. Yes it is hard not thinking about him, but i'll force myself because i have to and i should.
Again thank you, for helping me conclude my situation at hand.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): "but i'm torn between my beliefs as a christian, and yet my beliefs as just a human being.
shouldn't thins be one and the same. if you claim to be a christian then the answer is simple. please do not become a homewrecker. if you do go ahead then you only have yourself to blame. stop fooling yourself. being a 3rd person in a marriage equates to being a homewrecker.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): You know this relationship is bad for you in every way possible. Get control over your feelings. There are a lot of men out there that are real men and won't be cheating on their wives because they discover someone fresher. If he is going to do this with you, he'll do it to you with someone else. STOP TALKING TO HIM NOW. Find someone that's single and available.
As a human being how would you feel if you were this lousy guys wife?
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (10 August 2009):
 This man tells you that you two can never have a real relationship, and it makes you want to drop your panties? You claim you're in love with a man that you've only met ONCE? You're fine with dating a man who has no problem going back on his word, who is a cheater, who has no problem with breaking his vows and disregarding commitment?
Girl, he is not the only man in the world. Life is a man buffet and you can do better than picking up the crumbs off the floor. Forget that loser and get yourself a slice of single man! Trust me, it's delicious!
In addition to that, I think you need to look hard at yourself and figure out why you're settling for this. This is far from a good relationship and you can do better.
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A
female
reader, noonespecial2  +, writes (10 August 2009):
Hi there,
Firstly, if anything ever did amount to anything with him, he will be unfaithful to you because his values tell him it is ok.
Secondly, he is unavailable, dishonest and has no empathy for those he hurts so don't think he will care about you after you guys have an affair, he'll have no conscience and won't care a sh*t if your hurt.
If you have sex with him, you will become more blinded by the romance and lust and give more of yourself which means there will be more hurt when it ends.
You have a choice here, one that could create much hurt for many people involved. Consider how you would feel if you were married with children and your husband was unfaithful to you. You would be angry and hurt with him yet you would be pissed with the girl he did it with, just as much, and in this situation you are that other girl.
Also, how would you feel about the Woman Dad had an affair with if you were one of his children?
I know you've developed feelings for him yet if you go further your feelings will grow.
You have a lot to lose here and could create a lot of damage.
If you choose to act of your lustful feelings for him, just stop and think for a moment, yeah, sure you have the possibility of great sex (possibility), yet he goes home and has sex with his wife that same night and you're all alone. You may lay back feeling satisfied yet within time you will be thinking, I wonder if he's having sex with his wife right now. Also, you may never see him again after you do this and that feeling of being used, well... not such a good feeling.
Have you considered how you'd feel if you have sex with him and he never calls again. You try to make contact and he avoids your calls. You finally get hold of him and he gets angry with you for calling and wants you out of your life. Think of all the possibilities.
I think you need to make your decision taking in all aspects of this and think, what are you gaining and what you could lose and the damage it could create.
If his wife finds out, you could find yourself in a lot of trouble, people get killed for this sort of thing. Jealousy drives people to insane states and they react very irrationally.
Your choice, your life. Re-read the other posts from people who have been in the same situation to reep the benefits of what they learn't from a similar experience.
He is romancing you and you are being seduced. There are many warning signs here, are you reading them or are you dismissing them.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, blessed_or not +, writes (10 August 2009):
 Lets stop and think for a minute,first of all he is 11 years older than you age doesnt matter to a point.what could you possibly have in common this man.Second as women we sometimes mix love and lust up so easily.And even if you did love him and he is married talking to you behide his wifes back ,why would he do you any better then her.do you want to end up in a bout with his wife in a few years.to me it seems as if he has issues dont get mixed up in his problems.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): Where is campassion in these reponses? This person is coming here for advice not jugment!! I was rasied in a CHRISTION home and I would never respond so cruel.. My apolgies for those responses.. My advice is look inside yourself, ask yourself what are you wanting from this fellow and be honest to yourself... I have been on bothsides of the coin... Trust me, whatever choice you choose was what was ment to be - and the experaince is the thing you will learn and grow from on whatever choice you make.. Good luck, in what you decided to do now and down the pike..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2009): Been there and done that when I was 19-20, and if I could do it all over again...I wouldn't do it.
Please don't make the same mistake I did.
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A
female
reader, diomande222 +, writes (9 August 2009):
This man is Married!!! please move on. Believe me, after you all have sex, he probably won't even talk to you again because he is not interested in you past that.As a CHRISTIAN, you should not even be thinking about committing adultery. Don't do it.
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A
female
reader, busy04 +, writes (9 August 2009):
 You can't stop talking to him or you won't stop?Because you CAN stop! And you SHOULD STOP! There is someone else out in the world that is NOT married that you can have, let that person come to you. Don't help this crazy man upset his home and wreck the lives of his wife and kids. Why would you even consider sleeping with him? Come off of your temporary cloud nine and get real! It's not worth it, don't settle for being a side sex fling, cause that's all you'll ever get with a married man, not a true committed love, just casual, see you when i can thing and you shouldn't want that! You don't deserve that. You are young, you still have a long life to live, he's already lived his life, don't waste your time! Don't set yourself up for failure! Stop talking to this man, you can do it and you SHOULD do it!
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