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age
36-40,
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writes: Same problem with my ex. Except we're not talking now because I chosed not to.I want to get back together offcially. He said to be friends and hook up so that he can see if he wants to get back.I said friends is fine but no hook up. (Because I don't want to feel used)He said if we don't hook up while we're friends he will never be able to decide if he wants to get back together with me. Do you guys think he's just saying that so that he gets to hook up with me with no strings??
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys. So what's my next move after the month of no contact is up?? I wrote him a letter to use it as reverse psychology. The letter says "I'm writing you this letter just to let you know that i've been doing some thinking and I totally agree wityh your decision of not getting back together. I think is the best thing for both of us. I truly dearly regret sleeping over your house and stuff. I also wanted to apologize for pressuring you into anything giving you deadlines. And for giving you a hard time while I was hypomanic haha. Changing the subject things are going great with me. I couldn't ask for better luck :) Okay hope everything is going well with you too. Best of luck. Take care. Me :)
Even thought what I said in the letter is not what i really feel because i do wnat us to get back together, i will make him think that i dont want to be with him either. Its reverse psychology. And even thought i'm suffereing every day and every moniute because he doesnt wanna get back with me i painted a picture of myself in his head that i'm very happy without him in my life by saying things are going great with me and putting a smily face next to it. This way i make him believe i dont need him him. Should i send this letter to him and if he calls me just ignore him until the month is up?? or should i just not talk to him for a month and not send the letter? what will be my next move after that month??
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female
reader, Jolin  +, writes (11 August 2009):
 ouch!!! looks like you teach him a hard lesson!
Well.. wish you all the best! ^_^
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionlol i am ignoring. I've decided to not talk to him for month to make him think he lost me and see what he does. I started not talking to him August 6th, so its been like 5 days now. My cellphone is not working thought so i have no idea if he tried calling me or not.
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female
reader, Jolin +, writes (11 August 2009):
hehehe..well, if you really love him tell him :"here's the bargain : friends YES, hook up NO"
and see what he thinks... i think it's the art of negotiation. Yknow when there's still a feeling, keep him..but make sure, no hurt your feeling. :D
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female
reader, missy101  +, writes (11 August 2009):
 i think you should ignore him for a bit then his true colours will REALLY come out!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe told me that he wants to make sure its gonna work again first because he doesnt wanna have to break up again and go through the same thing. But I think if you really love someone you will rather take the risk and try it again right??
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much guys. Thanks Anonymousmale1. It makes me feel really bad that he thinks i'm not good enough to be his girlfriend. It makes me wonder if i'm ugly or something. About the advice on getting back at him sounds great, but unfortunately he's knows me too well and he will know i'm just trying to make him mad if i say i wanna get with his best friend.
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male
reader, Anonymousmale1  +, writes (10 August 2009):
 Your ex is a first class A--. His offer is unreasonable and disrespectful. Let me explain what he is really saying and it may open your eyes just a little bit more.
In reality he's saying that you are not good enough to be his girlfriend, but you're good enough to be his concubine to share his bed. He's betting that you love him more than you love yourself and that you'll agree to his demands just to be close to him, with the hope that it will get you back in HIS good graces and you'll be a couple again.
What a jerk!
Reading your letter I get the feeling that you know this too. So since he's being a jerk, lets up the ante on him and give him something to think about shall we?
You and I both know that if you agree to his terms that he'll prolong getting back together for months, and you'll be reduced to that girl he calls late at night to take care of his needs when he cannot find someone else to, or until he finds a girlfriend to replace you.
It amazes me when women fall for these tactics as if he was really worth it. You are a beautiful young woman and you know as well as I that you can have any man that you really want. The only problem at this point is that he is the object of your affection.
Now that you know how he really feels about you it's time to move on and screw up his head as he was trying to do you in the beginning, ok?
You should tell him that you thought about his proposal (about hooking up) and you decline the invitation. If you are not worthy of being his girlfriend then you damn sure will not share his bed.
Then tell him, however after careful consideration you've decided that until you find a suitable mate, if you feel the need to have someone make love to you then you will call his best friend and ask him to take care of your needs. Tell him you always thought his best friend would make a better lover then him to begin with and this will give you the chance to prove it.
Trust me, this tactic will drive him nuts, because when men break up with women they silently pray that if you are ever with another man it's someone we do not know.
By informing him that you intend to have his best friend take care of your sexual needs (as a hook up only) will truely upset his thought process and he's not prepared for this.
(You're only telling him this to get even with him, not to actually go through with it)
I promise you that by telling him this you'll burst his bubble and he'll realise that he's not as important to you as he thought.
Also, you may want to rethink even being friends with this man because his request is a sign that he has little respect for you and none of us need friends like this in our lives.
I wish you luck and I know you'll do the right thing because you sound so intelligent.
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female
reader, Jolin +, writes (10 August 2009):
hehehehe... that's his trick to get you as his friend with benefits!
leave him, girl :D
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (10 August 2009):
 Yes. That is a manipulative tactic he's using and you are smart not to fall for it.
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