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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hello,I was wondering if you could help me with some advice. I would appreciate it so much!I am in the process of getting my ex back. We spent a few months apart after he broke up with me. I dated other people, only to discover all other guys reminded me of how much I missed him. Great, handsome men who were falling hard for me, and all I could think of was him... I realize I love him like no other and it could take a long, long time to truly get over this one... After he broke up with me, I gave him his space. I've been playing it cool, focusing on my own life, and sure enough, he has started to come around again, much to my surprise. I thought I had lost him forever. We have had the greatest of times in the last month, and I felt a real connection. We were very much in love at one time, but started fighting too much before he broke it off. Now it takes everything I've got not to be overly emotional and scare him away by moving too fast or asking for more. I want to tell him how much I love and missed him with all my heart, but at this time, we are spending time together and having amazing sex, but we're not officially a couple. I know he's afraid to take that next step. I did ask him about his intentions a while back when we first started acting like we were romantically involved again. He wasn't sure what he wanted at that time and since then, I've left that topic alone and have just been focusing on how much I love and enjoy his company (because I really do). I don't know what it will take for him to take that next step towards commitment. I've tried everything I can to drop little things we used to argue about (there's been no fighting), and focus on what really matters. Although he is showing a lot of interest in going out together when he's in town, it's so strange that we used to be so love, but not say it to each other or go back to where we left off...it's like a new beginning and I don't know where it's going. I want to be back in a relationship with him, but I don't know how to go about it or if he will figure out what he wants before I get my heart broken all over again. He will be moving back to the same city in a couple months and in the meantime, I am still casually dating and getting to know other guys...yes, hoping to find someone I can be remotely interested in and forget my ex altogether...but this tactic just isn't working and I realize more and more that the one I can't get over is still consuming my thoughts as much as he did when first broke up. I'm not getting over him and I'm so close to having him back in my life. Can I make it happen?Thank you so much for any insight!
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female
reader, femalespicolli  +, writes (9 August 2009):
 First thing's first. "Tactics" don't work with men. They are very simple creatures to be honest. They like a woman to be independent, confident, and caring. Dependency is a huge turnoff.
I would say continue dating around, but let your guard down. Thinking about him too much, especially while you're seeing other guys, could just drive the love of your life away without you even knowing it. Things will get better, and if it's meant to be its meant to be. You just have to (I know this sucks), but be patient. And have fun in the process!
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (8 August 2009):
 If you're not a couple, don't have sex with him. Why should he commit to being your official boyfriend when he is already getting everything without a commitment? Instead, pull back and cut off the sex. You two are back in the dating stage, not the bf/gf stage, despite your shared history.
Good luck.
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