A
female
age
36-40,
*eau_Gallante
writes:Every semester, I always let some sweet talking guy derail me from my goals. The main reasons is that I can not really make friends at clubs because I want to transfer soon and have to stay focused. I also get extremely lonely and just allow a guy to take me away from my goals, also I just want a guy to spend time with me and hangout. It is like I have to beg my father to take me out and do things with me and I get sad when he does this. Anyways any advice, on how I can just basically make my feelings come to a halt and stay on track?I already talked to my father and everything else...I just need advice on not thinking about guys anymore...I do not need anyone to doubt me right now because I know it is possible, because guys do it. Esp. the ones I WANT, and I just do not want to be hurt, ignored, dogged out or treated like I am not worthy anymore.Thanks :-) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Beau_Gallante +, writes (10 August 2009):
Beau_Gallante is verified as being by the original poster of the question So there is no way to forget about him, only naturally, huh? *sigh*
Oh well, the semester starts Aug. 17th so I can definitely put "NO" to use and work on willpower, I am to nice and always consider other people's feelings, wants and needs over my own.
Thanks guys, so much all the advice. 3
If you want to know the who situation, I will definitely send you an email, it will be long though! Lol
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (10 August 2009):
 Sometimes the strongest word we need is "NO".
Denying that you have feelings is a sure way to sabotage yourself. You can't stop yourself from feeling your feelings (no one does, no matter what they say), but you can stop yourself from acting on them and keeping you from achieving your ultimate goal. Like everyone else said, the key is willpower. It may be a difficult struggle, especially at first, but keep pushing and putting one foot in front of the other and you'll be all right.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): You've been given great advice so far. The way to achieve a goal is with determination and focus. That's easy to say, hard to do. Of course, that's why it's rewarding to achieve what you set out for.
Keep trying! And good luck.
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A
female
reader, masquerade711  +, writes (9 August 2009):
 It sounds to me like what you're craving is a balanced lifestyle, where you accomplish your goals and aspirations while also sharing your life with a special someone. I know the feeling, believe me.
The thing is, love isn't something you can really go looking for. What I've experienced is that it will come to you, not the other way around. You are too empowered to allow another man to "derail" you, as you so accurately put it. It's just a matter of telling yourself that this term, you are going to accomplish these goals. Make a list for yourself and tape it up somewhere in your room where you will see it every day.
The answer to your question is WILLPOWER. Believe in the strong and confident woman that you are and you WILL realize your dreams, and perhaps even find that somebody to share your life with. That WILL happen, you just need to let go of the search and allow it to come and find you.
masq
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A
female
reader, Beau_Gallante +, writes (9 August 2009):
Beau_Gallante is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, but I seriously want to 4get about them. I am still in the "boy-crazy" phase, if I do meet some who are only worried about grades and their interests yes, I will definitely become friends with them because I do not want to like anyone or even think about a relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2009): Maybe the guys you have met so far just haven't been suitable for you? A guy should not take you away from your goals. Rather, her should support them, encourage you with them. If they don't do that, then it might not be the right relationship.
As for your dad, you said you have spoken to him, but does he know how much this affects you, that you have to beg him to spend time with you? I was like that with my own dad, until one day I talked to him about it. It was terrifying, but it helped because he honestly hadn't realised how I felt. Maybe your dad also doesn't realise. Perhaps if he knew how you feel, he would make more of an effort. Would it help to speak to him again, do you think?
Maybe you could try to just be friends with guys, rather than thinking about a relationship right now, if it's not a good time for you. That way, you will still have their company, but in a friendly way. I do know though that it can be difficult, because feelings often develop. But maybe if you just told them from the start that you are only interested in friendship, it might help to set some boundaries. Or maybe you could try meeting people with the same goals and aspirations as you. They will also be focussed on the same things as you, so you will be able to help each other stay on track.
I supppose it is difficult to balance the different areas in your life. We all have a tendency to focus too much on one area, at the expense of the others. But I think it can be done, maybe not perfectly, but there is no reason you can't have both your goals and relationships. It is difficult to learn, balancing life, and probably a life-long thing! But just keep trying, and things will get easier as you learn more, both about life and yourself. Good luck. x
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