I asked her for a date..She told me she would get back to me but she has not responded. What happened?
Q. I recently became interested in a woman. We were co-workers with a company. Last year, I transferred to a different division. After my transfer, the two of us began serving together on a advisory board. I began to develop feelings for her. It ...
A. 14 December 2005: I agree with the anonymous reader. There are a couple of possible outcomes to this dilemma- 1) She has genuinely forgotten your suggestion of you two meeting through being busy etc.
2) She simply isn't interested in pursuing a relationship.
Eit... (read in full...)
Agony Aunts and Uncles: how do you decide to answer questions?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am studying A-Level English Language and am currently completing an investigation looking at the language used by agony aunts and uncles and how they differ. I have generally noticed that, when writing to men, more humour is used, ...
A. 5 October 2005: Good choice of subject!
When I am writing a response to a question, I do so with the intention of making the other person think about their dilemma. Unless I felt very strongly about an issue, I do rarely use instructive language, preferin... (read in full...)
We're friends with benefits, but I'm ready for more than that. Should I tell him?
Q. Confused about my relationship with someone who is an friend and lover. I have been friends with this guy that started out as no strings attached. We are great friends now. I have grown to love him. I never told him that. I love him so much that...
A. 21 September 2005: This arrangement between the two of you has been going on for several years now. Little wonder you have grown attached to this man, regardless of the nature of your relationship, you are spending time with him and have also shared the closeness of ... (read in full...)
He wants to stay in contact, in case we're free to pursue a relationship later, but I think we should move on.
Q. I was dating a guy for nearly 4 months, we were very much in love, but had to go our separate ways for uni since he wasn't ready for a relationship. He wants to stay in contact, and one day meet up if there's still something between us. But I feel t...
A. 19 September 2005: You seem to already know the answer to your question. I'm not exactly sure what is keeping you in contact with this guy. Are you afraid to hurt his feelings? It can be very diffcult to draw away from a past lover. The emotional ties can be very ... (read in full...)
She can't get over her ex, and it's coming between us...
Q. My partner has an ex who constantly texts him says she misses him. This is constantly coming between us. She says he is messing with her head. She lies about him visiting her to cause trouble. She likes to buy him gifts. She won't have anything to ...
A. 17 September 2005: Is there any reason that your partner needs to stay in contact with his ex? Do they have any children together, or any ties?
If there is no good reason that he should stay in touch, other than to placate her feelings, then he really must sever co... (read in full...)
I want her back, but she insists that she wants to wait a little until we try again...
Q. I was seeing my girlfriend for about a year and a half. Things went really well initialy and we even decided to move in together. After a few months of living together, she was having spacial problems with me. We tried working things out but ...
A. 17 September 2005: I'm going to be brutally honest with you. I do not think that your "ex" wants to pursue a relationship with you. Ok, at present she may indeed be feeling confused about her emotions, but if she really wanted to get back with you it would have ... (read in full...)
I'm perfectly happy with my own company and no relationships. Am I strange?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am an adult guy and quite enjoy being in company of my own. Actually, the times in solitude are some of the most relaxing times for me. I have been like this for ages. But now that I am becoming free and can earn my own bread, I don...
A. 10 September 2005: No, I do not think there is anything wrong with you not wanting to enter into any kind of relationship at present. I think that it all comes down to your own personal perception.
But I must ask, what job has given you so much fulfilment that you... (read in full...)
He didn't return my calls. He spent Monday with his ex. Are we finished?
Q. Should I leave my boyfriend? On Friday last week, my boyfriend promised that we would spend some time together as we have both been busy. On Saturday he turns up and tells me that he can't stay as he has promised his dad that he will help him out ...
A. 10 September 2005: I am really sorry that your boyfriend is being like this. What a rubbish way to treat you.
Sadly I think he has made a decision not to see you anymore, though I'm sure you'd have had far respect for him if he'd had the balls to actually tell you... (read in full...)
My boyfriend loves the attention from other women! Will he every stop the games?
Q. I am really hoping I can get some advice from a few different people here. My partner and I have been together for 8 months now. We love each other very much and have a great relationship overall. We live together and plan on moving closer to ...
A. 10 September 2005: If this were my boyfriend, I'd question why he is getting himself into situations where other women are able to blatantly proposition him.
Harmless flirtation will not damage a relationship. A woman who flirts with your partner will complime... (read in full...)
Dating a friend just doesn't feel right!
Q. The guy I am with right now used to be one of my closest guy friends and then I decided to give a relationship a try. But now I am having second thoughts. He's always around me and hanging on me all the time. Also, when he holds on to me I get the ...
A. 9 September 2005: I think you need to speak to him first of all. It seems as though you both have different expectations of the relationship. He is obviously smitten and wants to spend every minute of every day with you! However, this isn't suiting you, and perhaps ... (read in full...)
How can I be friends again with my ex?
Q. Dear Cupid, I need some advice. I want to be friends again with my ex because we had such good times together and I didn't want our relationship to end on bad terms but it did. I want to make things right again but I don't know how. Could you help...
A. 9 September 2005: It all depends on the circumstances of the split. What actually happened, how long it has been, why you broke up in the first place.
In your letter you are wanting to make amends with your ex. From this I assume that are feeling responsi... (read in full...)
My 23-year-old boyfriend wants to retire... now!
Q. I am 21 and my boyfriend is 23. He has recently been talking about retirement and pensions and says he wants to retire NOW. I can't understand why he is in such a rush to retire... and, retired at 23?? It sounds odd that someone would want to re...
A. 8 September 2005: I think in an ideal world we'd all like to retire at 23! We all joke about it but in truth many of us don't have the option of retiring at such an early age.
You haven't really given much background on your boyfriend. Is he heir to a fortune?... (read in full...)
How can I be sure that this relationship will make it in the long term?
Q. Hi, I have been living with my partner N for three years. He is 24, I am 25. We both love each other very much, but since the beginning of our relationship I have been getting bouts of doubt about our future together. It happens every couple of ...
A. 6 September 2005: Hi Helen,
In my own experience, when my own doubts have surfaced in relationships about my partner, they have always preceded a split. This is not to say that your relationship with your boyfriend cannot be salvaged, but I have been there my... (read in full...)
I thought our meeting and date seemed to go well, but I haven't heard from him since!
Q. Hi, I have just turned thirty, seem to have the most perfect family ever - well let's just say someone had to be the black sheep - i just do it well. Two weeks ago I met a guy through the internet. Wwe met and I thought for just once it might wo...
A. 6 September 2005: The protocol of internet dating is somewhat different from "normal" dating. Usually in "normal" dating where you have met the person beforehand, the first dates are usually just a formality, and it's often a forgone conclusion that you will begin ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend told me our "honeymoon period" was over, but I still want to see her!
Q. I was attached with this girl of mine. We have been seeing each other every day, doing the same thing like fetching her from work, having dinner together, spending weekend over at her place. This continued for 2 months until over one of the weekend, ...
A. 5 September 2005: I would hazard a guess that your girlfriend's feeling somewhat smothered and trapped by the relationship. She is an independent woman with several obligations to fulfil. If she has been spending every spare moment of every day with you, she may have ... (read in full...)
Do I tell what I know about my sexual abuser?
Q. I have a problem from my past which is coming back to haunt me. I was sexually abused by a family 'friend' when I was 6. I never told anyone and after a few years, I stopped seeing him so he couldn't do anything to me anymore. I never told my ...
A. 5 September 2005: Firstly, I think you have been awfully brave in coming forward to seek help on this matter. You must have been feeling terrible when you saw him again, and I am so sorry that you have had to look at his face.
This has understandably affected... (read in full...)
My friend's girlfriend is so jealous, she wants us to break off any contact!
Q. I have a problem with a friend in my classroom. I am an 18 year-old girl and I have a close friend. He is very poppular in my classroom but I never feel about him more than a friend. He has girlfriend that very lovely, cool and talent but she is ...
A. 4 September 2005: It sounds as though your friend's girlfriend is insecure about his friendships with other girls. In extreme circumstances, a jealous lover can resent the time their partner spends not only with platonic friends, but also with family, leaving their ... (read in full...)
We broke up because my daughter comes first in my life. But now I regret my haste!
Q. OK.. I was dating this guy who I really was falling in love with. We got along great and everything was going well. There was one problem, I have a child and he wasn't sure how ready he was to take on a "family situation". He is 3 years younger ...
A. 1 September 2005: Under the circumstances you have acted very sensibly. You have placed the welfare and needs of your child above all else. This man simply didn't give you enough incentive or commitment to move away. You cannot uproot your entire life based on a ... (read in full...)
I want to leave my relationship because I'm so unhappy... but I don't want my kids to hate me!
Q. In my previous marriage my ex-husband was very abusive (physically and emotionally). It was to a point where he got really violent where I was afraid to be under the same roof as him. So, therefore, I had to get out of the relationship and got a ...
A. 31 August 2005: Firstly, please stop punishing yourself over the events which have occurred so far in your life. So you may have made misjudgements, but you are accepting that you have made mistakes, and the fact that you are seeking professional help shows that ... (read in full...)
After his cybercheating and tantrum, I just want him to leave!
Q. I have a man in my life whom I naively and stupidly thought, loved me. Much of his actions do not coincide with true love..I am finding he's very selfish. I thought I loved him but now I feel he may be a controlling man and is taking advantage of my ...
A. 30 August 2005: I think you are completely right. He seems to be totally remorseless and his temper tantrum is a worrying indicator that he could have a darker side. Please don't stay long enough to find out!
So, to summarise- he cybercheats on you, then when you... (read in full...)
Don't know if I should stay and try to work things out with my partner... or leave and start over with a guy I'm attracted to!
Q. I'm going through a divorce and now find myself in the middle. I been talking to a guy friend for a while now and I think I have feelings for him. My divorce took a pause for about 2 weeks because me and my soon to be ex were, out of nowhere,...
A. 30 August 2005: This won't really sounds helpful...but only you alone can decide what you wish to do.
There are a number of things that you should consider though, before you finally make a decision. I can see that you're weighing up the pros and cons of comfo... (read in full...)
She might be the right girl for me, but I barely know her...
Q. Hey Cupid, I'm only 16 and been in love heaps of times, but I have found the right girl (I think). I hardly know her but she is always on my mind. She is only 14. Is there anything wrong with that? I dont know what to say to her. I dont know how t...
A. 30 August 2005: Wow, you're a pretty fast worker! Only 16 and already you've been in love "loads of times"? That's a pretty huge achievement for anybody!
Dare I suggest that you rephrase this as "in lust"? If you're just going from girl to girl thinking each one... (read in full...)
Should I consider a relationship with my friend's older brother?
Q. I am a 15 year old female that acts a lot older than my actual age. I am often drinking alcohol and I smoke up to 30 fags a day. My mate who is the same age as me has a brother of 19. Recently I have heard he really likes me. Trouble is we live in ...
A. 29 August 2005: Well firstly, if your boasting about how many units of alcohol you can drink or how many fags you can smoke is supposed to prove your maturity, you've sadly failed. How many packets of fags and bottles of vodka you can go through is not a measure of ... (read in full...)
Our relationship is nothing more than sex, or planning to have sex!
Q. Ok..I know I am a little old to be this stupid..BUT, I am in a "relationship" with someone 10 yrs younger. The sex is incredible but it also all we have. My question is how do I let go of somethng that has become addictive to me? I want him all the ...
A. 29 August 2005: Well, this "relationship" is very much inside inverted commas- really, from I can read it's more of a convenient arrangement? Correct me if I'm wrong.
If both parties are prepared to participate in this arrangement without desiring further ... (read in full...)
We had sex and forgot the condom!
Q. Hi I'm a 14 year old boy and I've been with my girlfriend (who is 16 in October) for 3 months now and it's been great. We get on very well and I really do think we can and will last, but our parents are against us. No reason, just don't like it, so ...
A. 27 August 2005: How long has it actually been since you had sex? If it is within 72 hours, then your girlfriend can obtain emergency contraception. I'm not about other countries, but in the UK you can get emergency contraception in confidence from most chemists. ... (read in full...)
My partner tells his new girl mate personal things he "can't" talk to me about!
Q. Me and my partner have been together for 3 years. A week ago I found he just started being mates with this girl who he talks to with webcam on msn. They have each others' numbers, and he tells her personal things about himself he claims he can't ...
A. 26 August 2005: Your partner has dealt with this very badly, and from what I can see, somewhat cruelly. It is incredibly hurtful that he feels more comfortable speaking to a relative stranger online than his own partner. You must feel betrayed by his actions. I ... (read in full...)
I still love my ex, but he's giving mixed signals!
Q. My ex lover of 5 years and I split up 5 months ago. I was married during our relationship and in the end could not live with the double life and had to make a decision. I finished with my lover and tried to settle at home again. I made the wrong ...
A. 26 August 2005: Well most importantly I think you need to really look after for yourself at the moment. You are in the process of undergoing a divorce, and chances are your emotions are all over the place. Primarily, you need to concentrate on recovering from the ... (read in full...)
Being with my old boyfriend makes me feel "old", but his cousin makes me feel like I'm in high school again!
Q. I'm 24 years old, and have a daughter of 4 years. I've been in a secure relationship for the past 3 years. I love my boyfriend(*Peter), we live together and my daughter knows him as her father. We also have dogs, so needless to say, I don't want to ...
A. 26 August 2005: Tread extremely carefully here. What you are considering doing, that is having extramarital relations with Jack, could undermine practically all of your personal relationships. Your behaviour in these circumstances will impact upon your child, your ... (read in full...)
He wants me to move in, but the house is miles from my work! Am I making all the sacrifices?
Q. God, I really do feel stupid asking this, but I need to get it out of my head somehow. I met this bloke about 2 months ago on a night out and it was like instant attraction. It had been a while since I had met anyone that I felt like that about ...
A. 25 August 2005: Personally, I wouldn't even consider moving in with this guy yet. You have known each other for only two months, and you admit yourself that his track record isn't exactly shining. There are a number of warning signs too- trouble with the police, ... (read in full...)
Just can't get my ex-fiancee off my mind...
Q. Me and my fiancee were together for 3 years, but 5 months ago she split up with me and I still can't stop thinking about her all the time. It is driving me insane and I am at my wits' end. I still see her around but she won't even talk to me. All ...
A. 25 August 2005: It is natural to take time in recovering from a relationship break up. Not only do you have to contend with the hurt and emotional agony of splitting from a loved one, but you also have to reconcile the fact in your mind that all of your plans, ... (read in full...)
I opened up and told him about how I felt... and he dropped out of sight!
Q. Last year I worked closely with a consultant that was hired by our company. He and I hit it off really well. There seemed to be a real connection between us, even my co-workers said they thought he really liked me because he did not look at or ...
A. 24 August 2005: I sympathise with your predicament. You seem to be a sensible and grounded person. And naturally you are smarting, not only has he withdrawn his friendship but also all of his business connections with you.
However, in the light of recent e... (read in full...)
My parents don't approve of my boyfriend...
Q. I am going to be 14 in December and my boyfriend is 19. I really like him and I feel he is the one for me. My parents don't approve. How can I be with him without him getting in trouble and get jail time? He says he don't want to go to jail but...
A. 23 August 2005: As difficult as it is for you to accept, your parents truly have your best interests at heart. At 13, though you may consider yourself to be mature and have the thinking capacity of an adult, you are still, in the eyes of the law, a minor and it is ... (read in full...)
We're drifting apart and I need to know how to bring back what we had!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months. We used to spend all day, every day together, but recently he only wants to see me for a couple of hours. As a result we aren't intimate and I feel like we are drifting apart. What can I do to get ...
A. 23 August 2005: There are a number of reasons why your boyfriend appears to be "pulling back". What I immediately noticed is that you've spent "all day, every day" together. Soem people can be happy to spend all of their spare time with their partner, never tiring ... (read in full...)
I need some advice on the way to handle relationships...
Q. Hi, I am stupid as far as handling relationships are concerned. I don't know if I am too weak emotionally but I tend to give away control to other person quite easily. Sometimes, what happens with this is the other person manipulates and u...
A. 23 August 2005: You behaviour in relationships between yourself and your family, and yourself and girls, follows a pre-determined pattern. It sounds as though you've played a subordinate role in relation to others for much of your life. Eventually these learned ... (read in full...)
I like him; he likes me. But he's getting married to someone else!
Q. I really like an engaged man and I know he likes me too. We have been together for nights but never had sex, I feel like I have a great relationship with him but he is getting married to someone else! She lives hours away and we spend a lot of time ...
A. 22 August 2005: Well naturally whilst his fiancee is miles away, it is easy for him to develop a close friendship/relationship with you. This doesn't alter the fact that he is treating you and his fiancee disrespectfully. What is the nature of your relationship? It ... (read in full...)
He's off on a lads' holiday and he hasn't even called to say hello!
Q. My boyfriend of 5 years went on another lads' holiday (he goes every year) and every year he'll call me once during the 2nd week but this year he hasnt called. He is due home in 2 days - my mates say he's probably just busy having fun but how long ...
A. 22 August 2005: Yes I agree with Anastasia. You need to speak to him when he returns home about why he didn't call. He could have just been busy and forgetten. If otherwise things are fine between you, I would speak to him about it, forget about it and then move ... (read in full...)
We were taking some time apart, but then she just left...
Q. What do I do? I've been with my lady for 5 years and I've never had a reason to doubt her. But sadly I caught her with someone else due to my worrying nature. I decided that we needed some space and she promised to think long and hard on what had ...
A. 20 August 2005: I would like to know what the timescales are since you discovered her cheating. Is it days, weeks or longer? This would help to get the problem into perspective. If it has only happened within the last couple of days, perhaps she is respecting your ... (read in full...)
Two weeks ago, he RSVP'd to my party, but he never showed...
Q. I have a problem. I've known my new guy friend for about 8 months now and he happens to live 7 hrs away. We used to get along great, called each other all the time and we were intimate once. Well my birthday was just passed and I had a party to...
A. 20 August 2005: It's a possibility that he didn't intend to come to the party. Saying yes was probably easier for him than turning down the invitation and then having to explain why. Perhaps he feared confrontation, or did not want to feel responsible for letting ... (read in full...)
My feelings for the two men who want me keep changing!
Q. Many may not think my problem I have is really a problem at all, I'm sure many single women would love to be in the situation I am but for myself this isn't the case. And I am highly confused about what I shall do. The problem is I have two men who ...
A. 19 August 2005: This seems to be quite a confusing situation. What strikes me is that the more unobtainable a particular man is, the more you desire him. It might be that you take an idealist approach to relationships, and no matter who you are with, the grass will ... (read in full...)
Just freshly broken up and I want to date some new girls... but how do I start?
Q. Hello I've recently broken up with my first ever love. I'm still deeply in love with her but she has lied and kept things from me throughout our relationship. Even today she still lies to me. Unfortunately I still have deep feelings for her, but I'm ...
A. 19 August 2005: A relationship breaking up is tough to cope with at any time. Growing to accept that a preson you cherished and the future you envisioned with them is a painful, but necessary process.
In my experience, that break up of your first relation... (read in full...)
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