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female
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anonymous
writes: I am going to be 14 in December and my boyfriend is 19. I really like him and I feel he is the one for me. My parents don't approve. How can I be with him without him getting in trouble and get jail time? He says he don't want to go to jail but he loves me. And I will die without him in my life. He treats me good. We talk about sex but I already explained that I don't want to do it until I am ready. He understands. What can I do? I love him. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010): With me and my boyfriend its been 3 years and we've still not had sex. I told him im not ready and i mean it. He said he understands too and that he'll wait(like he has been).....BUT there has been ALOT of cheating..him getting it from other girls.You can probably expect the same thing from your boyfriend. He's a guy...guys will be guys..and sometimes their "wants" overcome their emotions and they slip...despite all they said.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): I know how you feel Hun... I'm a guy. I'm 17 years old and my girlfriend is 14. I'm gonna be 18 soon and she is gonna be 15 soon. 12 difference between our birth days. She turns 15 first. NOT ALL GUYS ARE THE SAME. I got with my girlfriend 2 and a half years ago and we waited till about 2 months ago to have sex. So this guy might actually wait. Each guy is different. Not every guy just wants sex. Btw I know a lot of girls who only want sex. Unfortunately my girlfriend forgot to sign out of her msn and her mom read our messages. Right now she is grounded and going threw a hard time because her mom isn't taking it lightly at all. Even though this happened I am going to stay with her. I love her. Yeah... Some guys do mean it when they say I love you. So I just want to tell you to go with your heart on this one. If you truly do believe him then stay with him. If you do not believe he will wait then end it quickly before you fall to far in love with him. I hate seeing women on this subject bash guys. Saying they are all the same... It's a lie. No one person is the same as the next. Well I'll leave you to think on that... Sorry if I have any typos I'm using my iPod :pgood luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): i know when people say, " i know how you feel " just to make you feel better, but i really do. if you think hes the one for you, then go fot it. when hes the one, you will know it, and age shouldnt be a problem when it comes to the person you love.
And to all those people who think that he wouldnt wait for sex, and he'll get a new girl, or he'll leave her after she give it to him, is bullshit. You say that cuz it happened to you, its not always the case, and i can say that because i would know. i gave my boyfriend my virginity, and were still dating after a year and three months :) so put that in yur juicebox and suck it !
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2009): Alright, well i know what you mean i have that exact same problem except he's not my boyfriend. I just really like him and he likes me too, && i have know him for 7 or 8 years. I think you should just iggnore yr parents and just do what yr heart tells you to do.
I would be dating this guy except my dad is a queer and dont even like me hanging out with him even though he is like his son.
I know it's hard && shit but you just got to deal with it.
Just don't get pregnant or anything because if you do he will go to jail for a long time.
&& that would really suck.
&& these people ^ up thier need to just shut up and help you not make you feel worse than you probably alrady do. They are Queers.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2009): Honey, your 14, i know you feel like your in love and he's the guy you want to be with "FOREVER", but with him being so much older, i know he said he would wait on sex, but truth is he wont. He will for a little while but then he's going to get a new girl, one that is older and will give it to him. I dont mean to sound harsh but i dont want you giving him your innocents sometime down the road. I say "mother knows best", she knows what guys want and guys know how to get it. Just dump him and find a guy your age. It will hurt in the beginning because you care so much for him, but you have your whole life. You will love many, you will break hearts, and you will have your heart broken. But one day you will find the guy that god intended that you be with and your life will be full of happiness and love and you wont have to worry about silly things like this!
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reader, sadie! [loves diego]  +, writes (29 August 2008):
my mom wont let me see my boyfriend cuz we got caught doin sexual things well he sent me messages and my myspace was poped up so my mom read themand i havnt seen him for 3 weeks and my mom said i need to take a breaka nd his b-day is sep.11 and im tryin to get her to let me go but i need advice on how to see him regularly with my mom's permission like things ican do or say to persuade her to let us see eachother
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): Oh my lord. The other response to this question is insane. And I couldn't even read it correctly, with the total lack of proper punctuation...
Don't 'follow' your heart like that person said in that situation. This gentleman could be considered a pedophile, thats why he would get some jailtime. It's sad that you love him, and I'm sure he loves you, but you will have to think this through carefully.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007): hey girl i know how u feel i was only 15 when my parents didnt like my boyfriend because we had sex and they found out about it the wrong way so i stayed with him without my parents knowing about it and they said i was acting differnt so they started treating me like shyt so i broke up with him and now i want to cry ever night because i know we wont ever be together again cause i took my parents addive and it sucks so dont listen to your parents about ur dating life they dont have to date the people you do so go with what ur heart tells you cause it can be the last one if you make the wrong one
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2007): omgg i soo understand my bf is 18 and im 14 n i love him but ppl see it wrong my parents dnt mind but ova ppl do n he dnt want to go to jail wot can i do cause its not fair cause we love eachother age shouldnt matter were not havin se or anything he udnerstands he has to wait till im older and i need him in my life cause without him im nothing he makes me feel special and wanted n im onli 14 but i can honestly say i wanna spend the rest of my life with him
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007): hi my name is jennifer and i really need some help I'm 15 and my mom doesn't approve of my boyfriend because she believes that he's more advanced than me in the sex department he is 16. he gave me my first kiss and we've experimented with things but never actually had sex i'm still a virgin but I really want to see him this weekend for our birthday but i know my mom will say no what should and what can i do to convince her that he's not a bad person and that just because he's experienced with sex doesn't effect me!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2007): Okay this guy is older than you by 5 years. I know you woulnt want to here this from me but he is too old for you. You are starting High School and he is suppose to be in college. It is perfectly normal to like someone that is older than youbut try to find a guy your age or maybe a year or 2 ahead of you. If you really like him you should wait until both of you are ready for a relationship. I am so proud of you for waiting for sexual activity. You are too youg anyway.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2007): Hi.
I dont think a sexual relationship is good for you. You're only 13! Try talking to your boyfriend and your parents. But whatever you do...DON'T GO BEHIND THEIR BACK!!!! If you get caught, you'll never live it down. Would you want to put your boyfriend at risk for your own selfishness?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2006): hello im stephanie and am 13 i understand the situation your in your parents can't pick your boyfriends and its up to your when your ready for a sexual relationship.ive got a boyfriend and my parents dont agree so i have to go behind their back and go with him.its hard at first but you'll get use to it.take my advice you can email me at [email address blocked] bye stephanie
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2006): Heyok im 15. and i have to tell you this. from being in highschool i have known boys that are 19 and 18 and they said they loved me and they couldent live without me. well ill tell you this. they are liars. this kid that u love , well he dosent love you back. guys will do anything just to get something out of a pre teen because they think that pre teens are just stupid and dont know what ther talking about. trust me on this one. just be good friends with him until you are older.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2005): hey i kno exactly what ur goin thru...you guys need to talk it out, go over everything and jsut be like me keep it secret...my boyfriend is 18 and I am 14...i love him and he loves me so if anything keep it secret if you want it to work out
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2005): ok lets think about this:
1)there is a 6 year age difference between you
2)it is very likely that he will NOT get jail time if anything does happen whether you are ready or not
3)you and i both no that you wouldnt die if he wasnt in your life, thats exaggeration
4)a 19 year old boy wont hang around for over 2 years untill a girl is ready for sex. a few months maybe but 2 years? no way.
5)he may be classed as a paedophile (not the nicest thing to hear but also not the nicest thing to say)
i think you have to get your act together and find someone your own age. it may seem like im coming across harsh but its what has to be said
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reader, WesnJanelle05 +, writes (24 August 2005):
look im not here to tell you that you your to young for him and that you two shouldnt be togehter im 17 i lost my verginity when i was 15 and beleive me at that age sex is suppose to be this big deal and its really not everyone makes it to be this big thing taht its not. my best friend that i have known sicne she was in teh 1st grade is pregnant she turned 15 on the 3rd of august. i just found out today that its a baby girl not that im not happy to have a god child and i will always live that child but how can a 15 year old take care of a baby she is still a child and so i am just please please do not have sex with his...guys are vary what the word persuading at things expecially when it comes to sex im not saying that your boyfriend would do that or anyhthing becuase i dont know him i dont exaclty agree with your age diff and i can compleatly understand where your parents are comeing from but i also know where your coming from and as long as you dont have sex with him than i pretty sure that he cant go to jail unless it for endangering the welfare of a child look i know you dont know me and i know this is really important to you so whatever decition you make ill suport you and if you ever need to talk my emial is [email address blocked]
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reader, Roxmarita +, writes (24 August 2005):
This is scary because you are a few months younger than my daughter.
I know what it is like being your age. When I was your age, I too had a boyfriend that was 20 years old. Although I did not have sex with him (thank goodness), his patience did wear out quickly and although he proclaimed to love me, it was more that he loved controling me. When I would not do as he wished, things got ugly and he quickly flew the coop.
It is difficult being your age because you start looking like a woman and feeling like a woman, however you are still a child. With age does come wisdom and if you look back you will see how much you have matured in the last year and just know each year you will get wiser and the things you think you love or want now, will probably be a distant memory in a year.
This guy will not be the first boy you will love, or even your 2nd or 3rd by the time you are 18.
Just enjoy being a kid while you can because believe me, once it is gone, you will never get it back and you'll wish you could.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2005): Sweetheart, I am pleased to hear that you want to wait before having sex. No matter how long your older BF wants to wait until you're ready, I am doubting it will happen. Sorry to have to say this...but he will inevitably begin pressuring you if he hasn't already. Thus my dear, is why the laws are the laws and they are in place to protect young girls your age. Take heed of that and realize your parents love you very much and they are guiding and helping you, because they understand only too well...what it's like to be that age. Your parents are worried about his influence on you. In their eyes, this could be a case of the older guy using his power of experience to manipulate you. I totally agree with your Mom and Dad, it is SO wrong even if there doesn't seem to be any harm done....yet. I say 'yet' because what the immediate future with this older guy...holds for you is 'exactly' what is so worrying to your parents.
Hun, he will NOT be your first bf. You are in the phase of life where you are dating-exploring new adventures, making new and wonderful friends, learning about boys, laughing and having fun! Don't try to grow up too fast. Because in a blink of an eye..it'll be gone and the pressures & responsibilities of being an adult will jolt you back into reality.
Many adults will tell you when they were 14 or 15, their level of maturity was very low. But try telling them this at the age of 14! God forbid! They may have thought that they had life all sorted out and knew where they was going. But looking back on those young years and now with all their life experience to date, they realize just how immature and naive, they actually were. Believe them when they say this! It's so true. It's not to say that all young people were like them, but life experience teaches so many lessons, and we are all still learning.
I cannot tell you how many young women have told me that they had wished they had waited to have sex, until she was much older. Some readily admit they were far too young & naive to make this choice, they didn't realize the value of their virginity. They all agreed that your virginity is something that should be shared with someone you love and trust, and that person should feel the same about you. Many 13, 14 year old girls are only interested in what sex is like, they have no understanding of how special sex really is in a committed, adult relationship with a man you really love. Many girls your age feel the actual physical experience of sex was good, but they all said, they felt bad emotionally afterward. By the time you reach your late teen years, you'll have a better chance of being able to really think through decisions, take precautions and understand the possible consequences of sex (pregnancy, disease, a broken heart). The longer you wait, the better the chances that you’ll be happy with your decision and with that comes self-esteem and value for yourself. Tread carefully and please listen to Mom and Dad. Take Care, my dear
Hugs, Irish
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reader, madam treudeau +, writes (23 August 2005):
and neither do i, 13 and not even out of junior high, dating a senior, or worse one that already graduated.you should really be ashamed of yourself, putting your parents through this,and testing their will not to have you turned over to the port athourities,or teen correction facillity. you really sound like two hands full of trouble, if i were one of your parents i would try to convince the other to let you have a vacation in the nearest teen correction facillity. young lady , and i am using the term very cautiously i'm not to real sure just what you want or love,when i was 13 i was in reform school 'fore i thought quite the opposite of you, i thought that there was nothing or no-one that i could love ,or that i wanted to love. it wasn't untill i was incarcerated that i realized there were people out there who loved me and cared for me and that i could feel the same way towards. go ahead and continue on your already trodden path or try to find someone closer to your own age at school or maybe even in your own church group, just don't mess with the adult male just yet your parents will eat them for lunch should anything happen that really should not happen. trust me when i say, you'll be happier with a boy more your own age, you'll have alot more things to talk about and do together than say, an adult and his daughter for example. just fair warning, if you play, they will pay. and your mom and dad will be pissed.
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reader, pops +, writes (23 August 2005):
Wait at least 4 years before having sex with him. The reason your parents don't like him is they can't see any way a normal 19 year old man would have any interest in a 14 year old girl! What is he, a retard? Of course, at your age, girls are interested in attracting older guys. Its part of growing up, and learning about your own sexuality. But, you are not legally allowed to have a relationship with anyone, and you are not old enough to know much of anything accept that you have a real scratch that need itching! Please, enjoy being young. It only happens once, and it is gone far too fast. Each year you grow older, there are greater expectations of you, and greater demands on your time and talents. Being an adult involves a lot of responsibilities, to everyone around you. When you are a young teenager, your parents are still reponsible for most of your actions, so enjoy the life safety net they provide. You are not expected to like all their decisions on your behalf- no one else does at your age, either! But, they are protecting you from the consequences of bad decision making on your part. Thank them for that, even if you are angry at them. I remember when my sister was first " engaged". She was older than you, but not a lot wiser. She met her guy on an orchestra tour, and spent many hours with him. However, it was only when she got back home, and brought her man home to meet her brothers( me) and her parents that it finally dawned on her that this guy was a jerk, and they could never work out as a couple. The details are not important. She was smart enough to ask her family's opinion of this guy, and we gave it to her, even though I was almost 4 years younger( about your age), and it was not very flattering of him. I remember she was hurt, and a little miffed at me for what I said, and what our brother also said about the guy. He sat by for our hours, and watched while my brother and I did back breaking work, without offering to help once! We thought that not only odd, but rude! Later, as she talked to them about what he expected to do around the house if they married, he made it clear that he was not going to do housework, or work around the home, as that was beneathe him! That ended the relationship. Listen to your parents, and put this guy on the back burner in your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2005): Just ignore what other people have to say and be with him. He cannot go to jail unless he has had sexual intercourse with you. i am also 14 and with a 22 year old man. people say that he is weird but me and you know that it isn't. we havent had sex either. Just follow your heart. x
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reader, charliesgirl +, writes (23 August 2005):
As difficult as it is for you to accept, your parents truly have your best interests at heart. At 13, though you may consider yourself to be mature and have the thinking capacity of an adult, you are still, in the eyes of the law, a minor and it is your parent's duty to protect you and care for you. And by dating you, your boyfriend is breaking the law. If he truly respected you and your family, he would have waited until you were 16, (or 18 depending on where you live) before engaging in a relationship with you, regardless of whether or not you are having sex.
At the age of 13, it is impossible for you to make judgements about who you want to spend the rest of your life with. You are developing into an adult and will be feeling hormonal, confused and emotionally vulnerable. Will your boyfriend, at the age and sexual maturity he is, truly be prepared to wait 3 - 5 years before having sex? You have mentioned him going to jail. Is this because you fear he will be sent to jail if the relationship continues?
I presume that he is your first boyfriend. Of course to imagine breaking up with him will feel like the end of the world. But you have to ask yourself, is it worth him risking a criminal record to be with you? If you really do care about each other's welfare, then surely you'd be prepared to wait until you are old enough in the eyes of the law to have this relationship, with your parents' consent?
I hope everything works out for you.
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reader, lulu +, writes (23 August 2005):
firstly you must not get yourself in to trouble. As you are under the legal age limit of sex, this man can be jailed as you say. do you think he wopuld go to jail to be with you? at your age it might seem as though you are in 'love' with this man but you are still extremely young and going through alot of personal changes in your life. don't opt for the easiest option of finding the first person you meet and who makes you happy, to settle down with, you are young and need to be having fun with people of your own age. as for your parents, it is understandable they are worried you are still a child to them, they only want you top be happy but avoid being hurt. good luck!
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