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female
,
anonymous
writes: I'm going through a divorce and now find myself in the middle. I been talking to a guy friend for a while now and I think I have feelings for him. My divorce took a pause for about 2 weeks because me and my soon to be ex were, out of nowhere, getting along like we never did before.Now the only thing is, I don’t love him like I use to, but I have the comfort of having everything I want. Material stuff (house, car, my pets that I love, and I have a great job in the town I live in now) But my feeling are not there.My feelings are there for the guy that I met 2 years ago and if anything I won’t get to see him till next year again, cause of work. So I need some advice: should I live with the comfort that I live in now and try to work things out with my soon to be ex or should I take a chance and be with the guy who I have feelings for? What do you when you are in this situation?Thanks in advance.........
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2005): If i was you i would carry on with the divorce and go out with the other guy that you have feelings for seeing as you don't have feelings for your husband. You don't just stay with someone because of material stuff.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2005): to tell you the truth, i feel your confusion...more or less because i'm standing the same position. i'm engaged to get married...it's been almost 2 years now. We had so many ups and downs, and i felt that are simply not connecting...he just couldn't understand me and some how i couldn't get through to him. I met another guy...just a colleague at work..and i'm so attracted to him, let's say when i see him my heart skips a beat..thinking of him makes my heart smile. However, in the same time, my father talked to my finace and explained a few things to him...eversince he has shown more care and respect..he's trying real hard now, and i appreciate it so much, yet i cant stop thinking of the other guy. Moreover, everytime i get a happy thought of him, my guilt starts building up...
It's an ugly situation..and the reason i'm sharing it with you too, is to tell you you are not alone... be brave and talk to your (ex) husband, i totally agree with "charliesgirl ", dont walk out because of the other guy..if u do walk out, do it because it's not working out.
Good luck my dear and i hope the situation gets resolved soon...pray for me too
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A
female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (30 August 2005):
This won't really sounds helpful...but only you alone can decide what you wish to do.
There are a number of things that you should consider though, before you finally make a decision. I can see that you're weighing up the pros and cons of comfort and financial security vs excitement and enlivement.
Maybe you ought to retrace your steps. How did you and ex come to a decision to get divorced? If you do decide to give it another go, how will you both cope differently when the problems that originally drove you to divorce reoccur? I you did leave your husband and things didn't work out with the new guy would you regret your decision? Look to the past for answers, and discuss these with your ex.
I can understand that staying in your marriage is a tempting prospect, you have those material comforts and avoid upheavals such as moving house and having the stress of a divorce. If you and your (ex) husband are both absolutely determined to try again, then you have a good chance of making it.
But what are your reasons for staying in this marriage? Simply convenience, social status and money? Fear of change? If you do decide to remain in the marriage, will you find yourself 6 months, a year or five years down the line feeling trapped in a loveless relationship? However, I don't think that you can justify ending your marriage purely on the basis that you might or might not go out with somebody else. But the fact that you have developed strong romantic feelings for a third party indicates there are a lot of issues in your marriage that need addressing.
Going through with the divorce will be a fearful prospect, but should you decide to do it, you are in a better position than many other women. You are financially independent and you seem as though you could adapt readily to new situations. From my experience I have been in relationships where my partner has taken me out, paid for everything etc but eventually I become depressed as the love (on his side) wasn't there. By being single I was slightly poorer in money but far richer in confidence. It's an old cliche, but money can't buy you happiness.
Before you make any decisions, you need to talk to your ex and possibly a relationship counsellor to help you to clearly decide what it is that you truly want. Nobody knows you better than you know yourself. I hope I've given you some food for thought.
Good luck
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