| A
female
,
*mz_xxxx
writes: Dear Cupid, I need some advice. I want to be friends again with my ex because we had such good times together and I didn't want our relationship to end on bad terms but it did. I want to make things right again but I don't know how.Could you help? xxxx
View related questions:
my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, missdee +, writes (13 September 2005):
First tell him how you feel and that you want to be friends. Both of you have to be able to let whatever problems you had be behind you and move on. Sometimes it takes time for people to heal from their wounds. This may be the case with you. Try inviting him out to dinner or something that you two used to do for fun. Only talk about present day things don't go into the past.
A
female
reader, lildeesbg  +, writes (9 September 2005):
 Breaking up is hard and honestly depending on what happened,how serious was the relationship,how long it has been, and who ended it with who are all important factors. Being friends right away is awkward, your still sorting out in your mind different questions.
If your saying things ended bad, how bad? if it was your fault the guy will hold a grudge for ever almost. Guys dont like it when a girl makes them look bad because it effects their ego.
It is a tough situation i think it is best if time passes before feelings can heal.
...............................
A
female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (9 September 2005):
It all depends on the circumstances of the split. What actually happened, how long it has been, why you broke up in the first place.
In your letter you are wanting to make amends with your ex. From this I assume that are feeling responsible for the break up going badly. Unfortunately heartbreak is absolutely inevitable whether you are the one dumping or the one being dumped. When you terminate a relationship, it feels unnatural to completely remove yourself from the life of somebody you truly care about. For this reason many people are keen to try and maintain some form of contact with their ex.
Most couples imagine that once they have broken up, they will remain friends, soulmates etc. Sadly in practice this rarely works, as the ex become jealous of new lovers and new lovers become suspicious of why their partner's ex is still hanging around. That is not to say that it is impossible to remain friends with an ex, but there are more problems that the pair of you will need to address. The shift from lover to friend does not always transcend as smoothly as being friends, then engaging in a relationship.
If you have only recently broken up, and you are positive that you are not wanting to rekindle the relationship, then it is important to give him space. You will both be hurting and emotionally vulnerable. Give it a few months before getting in touch again, when both your heads will be clearer. Prepare yourself for the notion that he may be unwilling to remain in contact with you, and if this is the case respect his decision.
If you have been separated for several months, then you could sensitively get in touch again. Perhaps a letter, stating your regret of how things have worked out would be the least intrusive and sincere way of showing you care about him as a friend.
...............................
|
