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female
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*abyruth717
writes: Confused about my relationship with someone who is an friend and lover.I have been friends with this guy that started out as no strings attached. We are great friends now. I have grown to love him. I never told him that. I love him so much that I want more to this relationship. He does not want to have girlfriend and boyfriend relationship. I was wondering if I should end our friendship and the sex, or tell him how I feel. I have know him for about 5yrs now. I have not dated other men because I care about him a lot. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2006): I know what you mean. I too is in the same type of situation that you're in. I like this guy. We've been friends for a long time about 10 years now. We've been hooking up ever since we started college. And now he's dating off and on with different people and sometimes it makes me upset when I see him with other people. I like him alot, but he doesn't see me in that way, but a friend
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female
reader, melrosebabe787 +, writes (18 March 2006):
I know exactly how you feel because I was in the same situation 6 months ago. My best advice for you is to follow your instincts. Do you really feel valued as a person when you are simply a f**k buddy? Does he feel the same way? Does he want a relationship? If the answer is NO to any of these questions, you need to reevaluate your situation. Trust me, it is very hard to stop this friends with benefits business. But the longer you stay f**k buddies, the more your emotional attachment will grow and you will ultimately end up with a broken heart. I would ask him (as indirectly as possible, if you are contented to stay friends with benefits) about whether he would ever consider being in a relationship with you.
If the answer is no, don't take it personally. This guy is just emotionally unavailable. Have a good cry in private and then move on with your life.
Its hard but you can do it! xoxox Good Luck xoxox
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2005): No strings attached sex hardly ever works out to both paticipants satifaction. It also brings to question whether the sex can be that good anyway. Tell him how you feel and if he doesn't want anything to do with a real relationship then let him go find someone else's body to use for his animal lusts.
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female
reader, msweeney19 +, writes (21 September 2005):
YES maybe its time to stop and see what you realy want from him. you never know unless you tell him
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2005): My dear- focus on you and what makes you happy. You sound like a very good person that has a lot going for herself. Tell him that you want to move the relationship up to the next level because you're not content being just a 'friend with benefits'. Be forewarned, you need to be emotionally prepared to hear that he doesn't want a committed relationship. If after 5 years, he's always been content to have you as his 'sex buddy'-it's likely he's managed to keep his own emotions, out of this. But-by continuing in this relationship and feeling the way you do for him, it will only serve to drag you down and you will get possibly very hurt, when he dumps you for the 'girl of his dreams'. If you find out, he doesn't love you the same way-get out of this now. It will be hard for you..you will grieve but in the long run-you keep your self-respect intact and you open the door for new love opportunities.
You deserve to be close to someone, to know that you are loved and accepted for who you are. You need to know that you matter deeply to someone else, and that you are valued by them. I think you are longing for that wonderful intimacy and bond we all share with a potential partner. Intimacy strengthens how you value yourself. It reassures us that we matter, and enables us to face the world with confidence. Love wins over. It's only human to want that dear, and many of us find it. So give that to yourself.
Best of luck in whatever decision you come to. Take care and always be happy.
Hugs,
Irish
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female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (21 September 2005):
 This is obviously getting to you as you've found yourself feeling more for him than you originally thought you would. That's us girls for ya, always jumping in the deep end! Why can't it just be as simple for us as it is for guys? Where sex is just sex and everything is easy.
But no, we're girls and prone to developing feelings for people when we don't really want to. Girls often take sex more seriously than guys and so can't just mess about forever with it meaning nothing, they want more.
I think you need to tell him how you feel about him. You can't go on just having sex, as this isn't fair on you and it will just get worse. If you love him, be honest, he may even be feeling the same way about you, even though he has said he doesn't want to be an official couple. Good luck :)
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female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (21 September 2005):
This arrangement between the two of you has been going on for several years now. Little wonder you have grown attached to this man, regardless of the nature of your relationship, you are spending time with him and have also shared the closeness of intimacy. However, it would appear that you are now unable to separate friendship and romantic attachment to this guy.
Five years is a considerable length of time to hold out for a man who may not ever be able to fully satisfy your needs. For this reason you need clear answers from him as regards what you future holds. From what you have written, it seems that he is not interested in a committed relationship, however you need to speak to him to confirm that this is truly what he wants. To be fair to him, at least he isn't trying to lead you on with false promises.
If he insists that he is not prepared to commit to you, then it will be very difficult for you to remain friends given the past nature of your relationship. It will hurt terribly but at least you will not waste any more time on a arrangement that does not suit your needs.
All the best
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