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female
,
anonymous
writes: I am really hoping I can get some advice from a few different people here. My partner and I have been together for 8 months now. We love each other very much and have a great relationship overall. We live together and plan on moving closer to mine and his family and buying a house there. We are supposed to be going in two months. Everything is organised. He is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with and it is the same for him. He treats me like a queen, lots of attention/cuddles, we do lots of stuff together. Basically we have a lot of fun together. We talk about the future all the time and want the same things. I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend besides he has a big flaw.Two months ago he was asked out by another girl. He said yes and they had a drink together. As soon as he got there he realised he was making a big mistake and left after 30 minutes. He confessed it all to me and I forgave him and I truly believed he regretted it. As they say what doesn't break you just makes you stronger. Which was the case for us. It took our relationship to a new level with committment and honesty. We can talk about anything. So I thought!Then about 3 days ago a client of his got his phone number from work and started texting him. He was honest about it from the start. He showed me the text and I helped him answer it. Basically he said that 'Yes i have a girlfriend but thanks anyway'. She kept on texting him that afternoon and he was still very honest and forwarding the texts to me. The reason he was showing me is coz since the date he wanted to be completely honest with me.This girl was being very persistent and wanted to meet him. She also came across very confident and he became intrigued. That's what I believe. I got home that night and everything was fine. Then later on in the evening I walked into the lounge and he was texting and all of a sudden went bright red, looked really guilty and tried talking to me and starting stuttering. I knew something was up. I hounded him and he confessed that she had been texting him that evening trying to get him to say yes. He didn't say yes but he said 'I'll talk to you tomorrow. Maybe, it depends how busy I am'. He apologised and said that he wouldn't meet her but it was flattering that someone else wanted him and he was just playing the texting game. He then sent her a text saying 'Look I have a girlfriend. Nothing you can say or do will change that. You need to just give up'.But the next day the girl kept on texting him. He denied it but he is bad at lieing. I saw him in the afternoon. He was denying it and I kept on hounding him and he finally said she had. She wanted a formal sit down and meet and he said no. She said okay what time will you be at my work next and I'll come downstairs and we can have a quick chat. He replied 'okay I will be there at 3.30'. With his job he goes to her work 3 times a day. He hasn't actually meet her or even seen her. She just sees him from her office.Sorry this is so long!!He told me that he doens't know why he is doing this. He doesn't want anything from her. I wants me and only me. He said that he wouldn't be there at four.Of course I had to spy. He turned up and 4.05 but walked in and out and left quickly. She didn't come out.She then text him saying sorry. Then last night he text her saying 'Just leave me alone. I don't want to meet you. I have a girlfriend that I love. Stop texting me'. And she has. Unfortunately I did the thing that I thought I would never and checked his phone but I had to know.I don't know where to go from here. I talked to one of his best mates who is also one of my best mates. He said that he would never touch another girl but he does like the attention. I am scared that he just can't say no. He likes the attention and the games. If he had meet her I believe that nothing would have happened. More than likely he would have felt guilty and confessed it all to me again.What do I do? Do I give him yet another chance. Will he stop? He can't even look me in the eye because he feels so bad and thought he would never have done anything like that again since the date. He doesn't even know why. He said he wants me forever and no one else and can't figure out why he said yes.Any advice please!
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female
reader, Notadoormat!  +, writes (7 January 2012):
The first thing that struck me was his openness with you about regis other female pursuing him-- this is a good sign. My now EX was not honest or forthcoming about other women or most anything, for that matter. Secondly, you said you both can talk about anything, and to me, this is very good and vital in a relationship in order for it to thrive and be healthy. There must be no secrets in a commuted relationship. You don't have to know every single little detail about eachother, but what counts are the main "themes". By themes, I mean the CONSISTANT actions that each of you display. Oprah had a saying I hear once or twice, "When people SHOW you who they are- believe them!" This is so true, yet love is blind at first. You know what's up from your gut feeling most often than not. Believe your gut. You won't always know *why* your gut is telling you something is off or wrong, but your subconscious picks up on all the little details and actions, body language of the person you love. You are connected in more ways than you consciously realize. Good for your man to be so open and honest with you! Especially the fact that he showed you the texts without you having to ask, or pry, as my ex always accused me of "accusing him of cheating", when all I was doing was asking valid questions based in his behavior. Turns out my guy was right, and boy am I seeing things clearly now. "More will be revealed". The truth ALWAYS comes out. In one way or another. Good luck and fight for your love, but let him fight too. If he doesn't fight for you, - leave and don't look back. :)
A
female
reader, Mary D +, writes (5 May 2010):
Ask him to swap cell phones with u for a week.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2007): the situation sounds familiar, i have been with my f for 21/2 yrs now and he means the world to me but lately he has been goign out with girl's from work or meeting up with his ex's again and ti does make me feel really uncomfortable we usually talk about everything and he says there's nothign to worry about but i do wonde, i do trust him not to do thigns but at the same time i do worry i dont know what to do either and i feel our situations r quite similar.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2007): WEll i have been with the same guy for 21 yrs no it dont stop ,,, and it will end up causeing problems , cause if he dont close the door on the games and stuff it will cause problems in time,,cause it starts with little games and stuff but most likly he will cross the line,,,and each time he crosses the line more and more stuff will happen and things will get deeper and deeper that he does,, if you cant make it stop in the end you will fill like your not enought for him and you will be the one hurt, and if you have no kids with him as of now ,, find someone who gives you all thier time and who dont play games ,, some mens games go to far and sorry dont make it all go away cause each time this stuff happen the more hurt and pain you feel and the more it takes from you , you dont want to live a life always wondering what is he doing is there a game being played and thinking in the end your just hanging on to a dream you cant have let him go,,, it is not fair to you dont live your life alway wondering you only have one life make it what you want it dont alow others ways to hurt you cause what others do can take your trust away from you and cause you a life of pain live your life for you until you find the man who is right for you and is in it for you and him and wont alow any one to breck that ,,,, take care hope things work out for you God Bless
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2005): Hey this guy has lied to you a number of times, my boyfriend is much like yours and quite the flirt, so I know how you feel on many points. However, my boyfriend is always 100% honest with me and has never gone drinking with other girls, even though they've asked. If this other girl was texting him so much, it's probably for a reason and if he has already been dishonest twice you may need to reconsider this relationship (and I know that is really, really hard to digest, but in the long run it will probably help) Tell him that if this behavoir doesn't cease immeadiatley you will leave him. Tell him that he can't have both you and other women, he can choose which one he wants in his life. Either way you'll be better off. If he doesn't choose you he isn't committed enough to YOU and not the attention he gets from you and if he does choose to stop the flirting then you won't have to put up with this nonesense any longer. Remember that bad habits die hard and lying and flirting are two very bad ones, but what he's doing to you is not fair. It shows these other girls that he doesn't truly respect you and makes you look like a fool. Don't you deserve to be treated with respect? It sounds like he really does love you, but let's face it a life long relationship will take more than love to keep it together. Give him 1 month to change if something happens again within the next month then tell him that you think you guys should perhaps take a brake, then after a week or two ask see where you're both at. I really hope things work out.
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A
female
reader, Delila +, writes (12 September 2005):
Well we all love attention from the opposite sex, it reminds us that we are attractive. Also a lot of women know a good thing when they see it. I would hold on to my man if I were you. As he gets older and more mature he will be able to resist the urge to play games. Your relationship will hopefully grow stronger as the years go on and he will love you even more. It sounds like you have a good thing going, lots of communication and openess. I would have no qualms ringing this woman or any other who thinks they can get their claws into your guy. It happened to me before and I rang the girl back and without being abusive I told her where to go. Would you fight for your man? I would.
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A
female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (10 September 2005):
If this were my boyfriend, I'd question why he is getting himself into situations where other women are able to blatantly proposition him.
Harmless flirtation will not damage a relationship. A woman who flirts with your partner will compliment your good taste. However, if your partner is accepting other women's phone numbers when he is supposed to be in a sexually exclusive relationship with you, then there is something certainly wrong here!
Ok, to meet another woman once and terminate the date is acceptable. But he still hasn't learnt his lesson after that first hurdle. He continues to enjoy flirtations with other women, secretly texts them and seems to enjoy the fact that he is being pursued by these random women. How does it make you feel, knowing that these women are pursuing him and basically trying to steal him from you? At a guess, I'd say pretty lousy. And he shouldn't make you feel insecure or jealous or suspicious, he should make you feel wonderful, confident loved and secure.
I would seriously lay down the law with this guy. Accepting the attentions of an attractive admirer is all well and good, but when in a serious relationship it shouldn't be pursued. His texting/calling other women is understandably making you unhappy, so he isn't being a supportive and loving boyfriend at the moment.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, lildeesbg +, writes (9 September 2005):
 Sometimes having attention from the opposite sex feels great. Sometimes what happens is that you like the attention so much you dont want it to stop, so you express some flirtation, you might give a round about answer rather then getting to the point that your with someone, and sometimes you might deny being with anyone at all, just so you can keep getting all this attention. What people fail to realizes is that for one it only makes things more difficult and secondly most of the time the people who are interested in you want you more since your not available. As in your case this women is loving the challange.
Now the good news is he told you from the start and that he also told this girl he is with someone. Unfortunately, she is the problem. My advice is to ask your guy if you can show up one day at his work when she is there. Make her see a physical being and not just an idea that the guy she likes is with someone. Sometimes when it is put right in your face it is much harder to deny. Your guy should have no problem with you coming into his work to drop by and say hi. If that doesnt work and she is still text messaging your man, that is when you must draw the line. You need to call her and approach the situation (like a lady) and express to her that this is not exceptable and to leave your guy alone. Make sure your stern however, so she knows this isnt a joke. If that doesnt work then unfortunately, you have a stalker on your hands and might need to get his boss involved.
Finally, I think it is forgivable..though he had a moment of temptation which is normal he turned it away and was up front and honest. If you have any real concerns talk to him about it.
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