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female
,
anonymous
writes: I am a 15 year old female that acts a lot older than my actual age. I am often drinking alcohol and I smoke up to 30 fags a day.My mate who is the same age as me has a brother of 19. Recently I have heard he really likes me. Trouble is we live in a village and everybody knows what is going on in other people's lives. I get on with him really well and last week I performed oral sex on him. We get on like a house on fire. We can talk and have a laugh and a good time. I know now he does like me and I think he is a really good looking young man. I have already had sexual experiences before him with boys who are also older than me. I get called names like slut and slag but really, I know deep down I'm not. I would like you to tell me whether I should consider a relationship with him or stop it now before our parents and families and his 17 year old girlfriend find out.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2006): I personally thinkyou shouldn't start a relationship with him. One he's got a girlfriend. People already call you a slut, don't make matters worst for yourself. It is against the law for you to be having sex with him anyway, and he doesn't sound like a nice guy either, seeing asheis cheating on his girlfriend. Plus you should sort out your booze and tobacco problem. That doesn't sound 'mature' to me.
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (2 September 2005):
 Actually, your real problem seems to be that you're crying out for affection and craving attention, and you'll do anything to get it. The extremely-stupid, foul-smelling and addictive tobacco habit, the underage drinking and the totally loveless, mechanical sexual acts on virtual strangers are classic indicators of desperation.
I really feel sorry for you, hon.
You don't need help deciding whether to embark on a sexual relationship with someone who could be arrested for cheating on his girlfriend with you. And you don't need my opinion that your offering oral sex to a guy who's already in a relationship is a terrible breach of trust. What you need is someone to talk to about why you're so lonely and why you dislike yourself so much that you'd do these things.
Is there a counsellor at your school? Even a teacher that you connect with? Is your village big enough to have a medical centre where they can refer you for free counselling? You really need to be able to talk to someone about your problems, so that you can stop trying to big note yourself to strangers and trying to impress us all with how contemptuous you can be about your health.
Finally, give the cigarettes and alcohol a miss in future, huh? They don't enhance your personality and frankly, seeing a young girl drinking and smoking doesn't foster any approval in the minds of adults. We just feel sad for you.
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (29 August 2005):
 I think you should chill for a bit. You are 15 and have had sexual relations before? Wow! Gossip of the town will destroy you and your reputation as you have experienced and I am sure your parents don't want to know that people think their daughter is a slut. Honey, a woman's reputation is her treasure. Stop while you are ahead so to speak. Stop smoking too..in case you don't know it causes cancer and stunts your growth...may have some sexual side effects too..so quit okay. You are a kid . Not to mention STD's. 15? and you have had sexual relations...can't get over that part yet!
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A
female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (29 August 2005):
Well firstly, if your boasting about how many units of alcohol you can drink or how many fags you can smoke is supposed to prove your maturity, you've sadly failed. How many packets of fags and bottles of vodka you can go through is not a measure of your maturity, more your total childish stupidity and total disregard for your health. Sorry but that's true.
Without patronising you, you are still a minor in the eyes of the law. So although you might consider yourself to be "big and hard" by smoking and drinking you are still under the age of consent. You have engaged in a sexual act with a man who is 19. Not only this, but he has a girlfriend! Naturally you are a target for verbal abuse- this is a horrible way for you and this guy to treat his girlfriend, and if you had any ounce of respect or maturity you would totally respect this.
As far as having a relationship with this guy, well firstly he has a girlfriend. He hasn't dumped her to be with you so he can't be that committed really, can he? Secondly, you are under the age of consent. If he chooses to embark on a sexual relationship with you at this age he risks imprisonment and a criminal record. Given the speed at which gossip travels throughout your village, I wouldn't bank on him not being found out either. Especially if you scorn his girlfriend, she may seek revenge on the pair of you.
If this guy really likes you, and the feeling is mutual then he will be prepared to wait until you are the age of consent and be single and free until you are ready and of the correct age for a full, adult sexual relationship.
The most important thing is to have respect for yourself and not allow yourself to be pressurised into anything before you are ready. Your families only have your best interests at heart, as unreasonable as they may seem, you should listen to what they have to say.
You are risking a lot if you continue to have dalliances with this man- your friendship with his sister, yours and his reputations and the wrath of your family. Seriously consider all these before you take any more steps.
All the best
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