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female
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anonymous
writes: My ex lover of 5 years and I split up 5 months ago. I was married during our relationship and in the end could not live with the double life and had to make a decision. I finished with my lover and tried to settle at home again. I made the wrong decision and am now in the process of divorce. I still love my ex lover desperately and we have remained friends although I so want a us to get back together.He told me a couple of months ago that he has moved on now and is in a new relationship. It broke my heart in two but I have continued to be friends. We talk on the phone regularly, have lunch and the occasional night out. Last week we went out for a few drinks and although it wasnt an emotional conversation he told me that he still loved me and loves being with me.He then said his new girlfriend knows about me and knows that we were out together.We didnt get physical, just a hug and kiss on the cheek when he was leaving and he again told me he still loves me. He called me the following morning to check I was OK as he usually does and didnt refer to the conversation at all.Im at my wits end, I dont know whether to give up, break contact and move on, although it will kill me to do it or to have hope that he decides he wants to come back to me.Please give me some really honest advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): I wish I had seen this five years ago! Nobody, NOBODY on this page has given you good advice, and I wonder if it's too late...I don't know if you will read this, but it's worth saying. I think the issue at hand is not this particular person or that particular time. I speak from personal experience when I tell you that before you can truly be happy, you have to come to the realization that there is ugly, really ugly stuff inside of you. You cheated on your husband and united your body, which was one with him, with another person. You did this for years! You were in darkness for five years. That's a very long time. Before you can ever have a truly lasting, fulfilling relationship, I would look at taking care of yourself first. There is a lot of self-examination, a lot of dealing with issues, a lot of asking for forgiveness and finding your path. You are not whole, and therefore, you have nothing to offer anyone. And that's why you are attracted to people with whom there is no future. If he helped you cheat, what makes you think that he'll stick around? Dishonesty will always be dishonesty. It doesn't make exceptions. If anyone else tells you different, they are lying. Anyday, today, is the right time to start a new life, one characterized by light. I know what's it's like to be where you are...please get out of that whole ASAP. Don't give your love and body away to just anyone. How about you first try to work on the MOST IMPORTANT relationship on this earth first, and that is the one with the One who created you. Yes, I know it seems like a cliche, but you won't know how powerful this is until you try it yourself. It seems like a no-brainer to me. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I know I did!! Bring your burden to Christ. He can help you.
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female
reader, hendrix  +, writes (17 September 2010):
Any person out there that has lost their lover to another, but still love them need to stop all contact so you can heal. It take's a minute to get over someone you really love. A year of peace of mind will do you could. Men don't really care if they leave you for another women, you know why? Cause the new women is going to bendover backwards for him just to keep him from going back to who ever he left. Two, things happens in these selfish times, number one men have it going on, there's more women then you can count on your fingers, its about 100 women to one man. It's a shortest of men lately. Number two, women have became hard- up for a man and give them eveything they want. Money is always the action giver seems like your payimg him for showing you and telling you what you want to hear. Women are paying for love these days and the men will love you to death and do anything you ask him to do just to get your money and his #### wet. Old saying is "If you see a coming fool use them." Women stop paying for love am talking to the one's that alays say and I quote: I love him and He loves your money and what he can get out of you. Be real these guys these days are "Lovers of themselves." Reality check! Why do you think women always crying about he left me for another women. Cause he seen another free ride coming down the road, next stop. While your crying your eye's out he's in heaven enjoying all the free-bee's he's getting from the new girl. And the merry-goes round and round. She'll be next and just as hurt as the last gir. I'm making a point here women have got to be strong minded. I don't care if it's been 1 year to a 5,6,7 year relationship. Some men are full of it and prey on wmen love and their emotions. Have you ever heard of the saying about men and women. You say yes or no! I'm going to tell you anyway "Men are thinkers and Women are emotional" men think all the time how there going to get eo get money or a piece of ###. Women think cause he tells her that he love's her, he really does. Reality check, again! When you'll broke up and he is the one that left how fast did he leave you for another woman? answer that one yourself. And I keep reading these comments on how could he do that so fast. Cause he doesn't love you like you thought. And ladies think for a minute! How much have you done for him for him to just jump up like that-the rest of what he is saying after he gets into another relationship and runs your name across his brain is all Bull####. Get real hear stop beating yourself up over a "Pimpen Mac-Daddy. Some of you my debate my point but stop feeling sorry for youself and pull yourself up by your boot strings. He doing him, now you do you. He'll get his, you better believe he will, and you'll be around to see it happening. Keep away from him, dont talk to him all period! "what part of that you can't understand" You'll thank God you did. Smile and keep your chin up better days are coming period....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007): I wish that i could say it gets easier, but it doesnt. I was with my ex for over a year and a half but we were friends for a much longer time. I broke up with him because i got confused. I thought i was too young to be with him. Its now been over a year and i have daited alot of other guys all ending because i was never over my ex. I wish that things were diffrent, i wish he knew how i felt. i have tryed to tell him but he hates me or he says he does. i know that i hurt him. i just want a second chance. We just started talking agin but i dont know how long that will last. is there anything that i can do to show him how i fell without chasing him father away form me???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2007): Hi I am in a situation right now and I don't know how to deal with it either, my boyfriend split up with me 3 week's ago just before xmas and I am hurting so much can't sleep or eat I have lost so much weight and look painfully thin, I think the problem is that i thought everything was fine in our relationship and he just txt me one day to end it, he is owe me lot's of money and is now seeing a new girlfriend 6 years younger than him I am devastated as to how he can move on so quick we were dating for over 2 year's and i don't get how he can shut his feeling's off like that, i made a mistake and last night and told him i was pregnant and i am not I did get a scare but today i have told him it's not true i just have so much anger and hate inside me i don't know what to do I guess deep down inside i wish he would say he misse's me but now i think i have ruined everything, there is another guy interested in me but am scared it's to soon , please can anyone give me some advice too, am at a wits end...
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2006): you should sit down and speak it over first with your ex and see if his feelings are genuine if so suggest you go out on a no strings basis and see how it goes when you are sure of his and your own feelings you can make the right decision....
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2006): He is worth trying to get back. I would ask him out one more time and tell him how you made the mistake in breaking off in the first place, then find out how he feels.
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reader, troubled soul +, writes (19 October 2005):
I would say from an outsider that he is enjoying the attention from 2 ladies. If i was you i would leave him, it will hurt but face it if he still loved you as he said he did the why is he not with you know. Looks like he made the mistake, grab a few girlies and go shopping buy a gorgeous outfit and go out and have fun you dont need him anymore you are probably an attractive lady and you could do so much better go out there and get Mr. right, how knows he's probably waiting for you to turn up in that bar ready to buy you a drink and say how gorgeous you are. One man is not the end of the world. Lou x
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2005): I've been in this situation - where the guy keeps wanting to be with you, but they already have a girlfriend and they won't leave her for you etc etc boring!- a simple word of advice 'Think like a guy' You start doing that you'll be over him like a shot.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2005): Hi There. I dont know if im of much help to you but i am in kinda the same situation as you. I was with someone for just over 5 years and we broke up about 7 or 8 months ago I still love him to bits and cant stop thinking about him. Although he too has got a new gf we went out for a drink cause he wanted to chat to me I kept saying no at first but coincidently i kept bumping into him in my lunch hour and i agreed. We had such a great time like old times but i couldnt help feeling bad cause of his new gf. He told me too that he still loved me and we had a kiss and a cuddle (nothing more) we met up a couple more times and went for a drink and started to keep in touch again. he kept sending me really nice txt messages up until a couple of weeks ago and now i dont know whats going on cause he keeps ignoring my txts and i havent heard off him. Im really hurting inside. I know hes useless really, he treated me so badly but i cant stop loving him. As i say i dont know if i can help you but it can be reassuring to know some1s going through the same thing as you. If you want to chat online to me anytime thats fine cause i know it helps to talk.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2005): if you still love him and he is giving you mixed signals when you hang out or whatever just be your self. if he went out with you foryour personalaty just be yourself. now if he went out with you for your looks then don't worry about him worry about your life.once every thing is together you will find the right guy. but as long as you are looking for a guy you mostlikly not find him.
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reader, Anastasia  +, writes (26 August 2005):
 Sweetie ...move on with your life. He has found someone new and you have two relationship break ups to heal from. You need to make yourself whole again by yourself. When women switch so quickly, it make healing so much harder and well you never heal..you just pile more hurt ontop of each other. YOu love him ..respect the fact that he has moved on and you guys still love each other. Loving someone is not a promise to be with them...you just love them...that is all. I believe though that you should have less contact with him. In this way you can heal, you won't distract him from his relationship and you two won't be in a position where things might happen that you or him will regret. Just remember that he has someone in his life now. Hangin with you is encouraging you to maybe assume certain things about you guys...you love him....love him from a distance and love yourself move close by.
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reader, charliesgirl +, writes (26 August 2005):
Well most importantly I think you need to really look after for yourself at the moment. You are in the process of undergoing a divorce, and chances are your emotions are all over the place. Primarily, you need to concentrate on recovering from the break up your marriage- I can imagine it's an awfully stressful period of your life for you, and you need to come to terms with your lost hopes and dreams for the future. As you broke up from your lover 5 months ago, you have obviously decided to break up with, and set in motion, a divorce from your husband in a period of less than 5 months. Give yourself some time to heal from the recent trauma of your life.
I think that seeing your ex lover is causing you pain and confusion. Is he aware of the intensity of your feelings for him? I assume that he is. But this doesn't alter the fact that he is still dangling a carrot and telling you that he loves you, whilst embarking on a relationship with another woman. Why is he with her and not you then? After all, you are almost a "free" woman. And in the next breath his is telling you that he has moved on from your relationship! He is giving out terrible mixed signals and confusing your emotions. You are already vulnerable from your divorce, the last thing you need right now is this guy messing you about again.
Examine the facts- he has moved on with his life. He has found another woman within three months of your five-year relationship ending. And now he is continuing to see you whilst engaged in another relationship. Even if he were to split up with his girlfriend and come to you, he's evidently still capable of meeting other women in a less than platonic atmosphere. Would you want to deal with that? As painful as it is, all his behaviour suggests he doesn't want a committed relationship with you. As this is the case, I would advise that you cut contact with him and start to heal from your divorce, before you look towards a new future.
Most importantly, look after yourself. Give yourself a break and time to recover from your recent events. Draw on the support of your family and friends.
All the best
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