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female
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anonymous
writes: Many may not think my problem I have is really a problem at all, I'm sure many single women would love to be in the situation I am but for myself this isn't the case. And I am highly confused about what I shall do.The problem is I have two men who like me, one of which I broke up with after I'd convinced myself I had no loving feelings for him (I have been in a relationship with this man twice), the other is a man who I have liked for a while and I liked this man even before my ex and I were together, although I once told this man I liked for so long that I did have feelings for him and he did not feel the same. Although now things seem to have changed, and the man wants for me to be in a relationship with him. Although now I am unsure of my feelings for my ex and this man I have loved for so long as I have began to feel more for my ex lately and seem to be switching my feelings for the two as the weeks go by. I do not want to make a mistake by choosing one and realising it was the other I really love. Please help. I'm afraid no one else can. Thank you very much
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female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (19 August 2005):
 My opinion is that you should take a time out. Take time for yourself to sort out your true feelings. This in not a soap opera...it is humans that you are dealing with who have feelings, and you nor them should be playing charades with your feelings. People can get hurt. My advice sort out yourself and your feelings first and in the end you will make the right decision.
A
female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (19 August 2005):
This seems to be quite a confusing situation. What strikes me is that the more unobtainable a particular man is, the more you desire him. It might be that you take an idealist approach to relationships, and no matter who you are with, the grass will always appear greener.
I would question why the man you previously liked has suddenly made an about-turn in his feelings for you. When you told him you liked him and he did not reciprocate, was there a good reason for this? Was he already in a relationship? I would ask him why he has suddenly decided that he would now like a relationship with you. Has he concealed his feelings for you previously? Generally, I do not believe it is possible to switch romantic attraction on and off like a switch, if you are interested in a person it tends to remain more or less constant.
I assume that your ex has propositioned you about getting back together. It is easy for you to develop feelings for your ex whilst you have a shared history, and are a safe emotional distance from each other. You have to consider if your feelings would change once you get back together. Examine the reasons why you broke up in the first place, and assess honestly and realistically your chances of suceeding should you reunite. Would the same problems arise again? And how would you deal with them differently this time around?
Only you can make the decision. It is your choice and I would suggest that you take a little time out to consider all your options. If you fear that you will regret your decision, then perhaps you may be better remaining single for a period until you can truly make a decision. It may even be that you are unwilling to commit because you do not feel absolutely sure of either of these men. If these guys care about you as much as they claim, they will be prepared to wait for you to come to a decision without rushing.
Good luck
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