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female
,
anonymous
writes: I really like an engaged man and I know he likes me too. We have been together for nights but never had sex, I feel like I have a great relationship with him but he is getting married to someone else! She lives hours away and we spend a lot of time together and we also work together! What should I do?
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female
reader, jess Xx +, writes (22 August 2005):
well if you are absolutly sure that the feeling is mutual then maybe you should talk to him and tell him how you feel and if he then knows how you feel he may realise he is engaged to the wrong women but if his feelings dont go any further than frienship then move on and find someone else
A
female
reader, hayleyscorpio +, writes (22 August 2005):
i was in a similar position. my advice is to tell him how u feel and wait for his response. if he feels the same way, then great, he may do something aboutit. if he lets u down then at least u know where u stand and your feelings are clear to him. i told a colleague i was in love with him, and he is now my boyfriend. he left gis girlfriend of 3 years to be with me! just be honest.
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A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (22 August 2005):
 Charliesgirl is right; there is a lot to consider here. If he can do this with you while he is engaged to be married to someone else, what makes you think he is trustworthy? It is often a good idea to try putting yourself in someone else's shoes. I mean, what if you were his wife to be, how would you feel if the man you cared enough about to marry was spending nights with another woman?
What is going on there? You say you haven't had sex. Is that because he is committed to someone else? Is that his reason or yours?
What does he think about the nature of your relationship? Have you asked him? Have you asked him why he is getting married when he appears to like you so much? Try addressing some of these trust issues with him. He may just back out and say that what you and he has doesn't mean anything to him. Or he may admit to being confused, I don't know.
I think the best thing to do is to let him go and get on with his life and for you to develop yours without him. Get out there and find someone who isn't attached to anyone. There are far too many emotional implications with this situation and people are going to get hurt.
You will need to suppress your feelings about him. Tell him how unfair you believe this situation to be and cover trust as a major issue and (dependent, if you wish, on what he says) decide to change your life.
If you decide to go your separate way, then try to have as lttle to do with him as possible. Don't spend any time with him and at work, try to avoid him if you can. I know this will be hard because of what you feel for him but try to consider the future.
Remember, even if he decides that he would prefer to be with you after all, that you will have to go quite a long way to develop the trust and this is very important in a relationship.
I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2005): If you havent had sex maybe thats the indication that you are just friends, atfer all you allways want something you cant have. You know he is engadged to be married dont you think if he was looking to cheat he would keep his fiancee a secret? In my opinion hes looking for company hes obviously missing his fiancee and is looking to fill the gap that she fills and as you get on so well he enjoys spending time with you, you said he likes you, in what way? To me your just friends keep it like that if you make a move on this man and he declines thats your friendship over with. If he wanted to be with you he end the realtioship with his fiancee regaurdless or the conciquences.
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A
female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (22 August 2005):
Well naturally whilst his fiancee is miles away, it is easy for him to develop a close friendship/relationship with you. This doesn't alter the fact that he is treating you and his fiancee disrespectfully. What is the nature of your relationship? It is sexual or just a deep friendship?
If it is a friendship, perhaps he is enjoying the closeness of female company whilst his fiancee is absent. How truly committed is he to his fiancee? Some people take an engagement lightly as it can be easily broken off without the recriminations of a divorce. Have they set a wedding date? If they are planning the wedding, then I think that it is important you realise that he is committed to his partner, and regardless of whatever relationship you have now, he has chosen to be with her. Plus if he has the potential to cheat on his current partner with you, would you want to be in the other woman's shoes? Imagine how she would feel if she discovered that you were cosying up to her fiancee whilst she is away. Even if you did get together what's to stop him doing exactly the same to you?
I would suggest that you leave this man to concentrate on planning his wedding. Explain your position, and that you cannot continue seeing him due to your feelings for him. Ask him to respect your feelings. It will be awkward and difficult with you working together, but if you can limit your interaction to strictly business whilst at work, or even move departments then this will help. If he genuinely is interested in you as a serious partner and his relationship with his fiancee is over, then he will come to you.
If you continue seeing him you will have to face the agony of seeing him pledge his commitment to another woman, and will probably become his mistress in the future. He has committed himself to another. You know that you can do better than this situation.
Good luck
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