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male
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*drenaline
writes: I was seeing my girlfriend for about a year and a half. Things went really well initialy and we even decided to move in together. After a few months of living together, she was having spacial problems with me. We tried working things out but eventually we decided to live seperately again. We did so for a few more months but only to realise that we were fighting more as time goes on. What we've both seemed to agree on is that I was putting in more work into the relationship than she was. She mentioned to me that it was too much work for her and that she'd rather just be friends all over again.Since the breakup, she traveled to diferent countries for a few months and I never heard from her throughout. I emailed her initially to see if she was having fun on her trip and as expected I didn't get any sort of reply.At first when she arrived back here, she didn't call and I only found out through a common friend that she had indeed arrived. Finally after a week of being in the country, she called and we talked althought it was a rather strange conversation. We seemed distant and to tell you the truth we both realised that it hurt us to be like this. At one point we couldn't live without each other and now it's strange talking over the phone. I do understand that it will take a little time before things will calm down and open up to each other. However until then we've decided that maybe phone conversations is as far as we should take it. I haven't met her since her arrival for the simple reason that I think I'd give into my emotions and ask for her back. And I sooo do want her back! Over the last week, we've been talking over the phone later in the night and she's reassured me that she's not looking to meet anyone new or start anything up with anyone. She does however feel that we should remain friends for a while before we take things any further again. This however changed a couple of nights ago and we finally started chatting like we once used to. Now for the real help. During the last couple of days I've been overwhelmed with the feeling of wanting her back, of being able to love and respect her again. I think she's getting the hint yet she keeps that distance from me and still thinks we should wait it out a little more before we see each other. She claims that the work it took to keep 'us' going was not something she wanted to get into just as yet. I respect her choices but it kills me a little each day to be so close, yet so far.. What should I do? Any suggestions?! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2007): "f**k and forget." I wish I could do it this way. I've suffered a lot for my girl and what do I get in the end? Nothing but sad thoughts. Anyway, if your girl really loves you, then she would come back. Don't weep or fall apart. Live your life happily. Don't push a relationship. If she's loyal to you, then she would not go anywhere. Trust me.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2007): Leave her alone and if she wants you back she'll call you
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2006): hey dude, going through the same thing. had a girlfriend, she broke up with me an i want her back so much u wont understand. i left her alone for a few months an now were starting to talk again. as much as i would like to think she is tryin to get close to me again, i am not going to put myself through that hurt again. i just want to be friends an suggest you do the same. live your life man, if she wants your back she'll let you know or at least give you a hint. remember things in life can change in a moment and if its meant to be it will, get on with things!!! you could meet a girl tomorrow and be in love all over again.. dont let her win hahahahaha... man power hahahaha...
remember dude always smile.. live life... an forget yesterday its already gone!!!
stevey p
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reader, pops +, writes (18 September 2005):
Leave the girl alone, and move on. If she really wanted you back, she would have been in your arms within hours or her return from her trip. She is trying to let you down gently, because you won't take NO for an answer. Stop bothering her. What did you do before you met her? You had some kind of life, I am sure. Go back to it, and meet other women. Work on your obsessive nature, so you don't frighten off the next woman in your life. Get some counseling and work on your self esteem. When you feel confident and good about yourself, others are attracted to you. And, you will find that you don't need to obsess over knowing where someone is all the time when you feel good about yourself. They will contact you.
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female
reader, Delila +, writes (17 September 2005):
I'm sorry but if I was your girlfriend I would be running away from you too. If you want to save this relationship in some form and don't want to lose her for ever, which I presume you don't as you seem to love her very much, if it is truly love you will want to know this girl forever no matter what happens. If you really love her you will back off and give her what she wants, which is space. Don't make it so difficult for her, if you do she may have to get mean and nasty so that you will get the message. Keep your dignity and accept her wishes gracefully. That way she won't try to hide if she sees you comming and she will still have respect for you. Good Luck and don't act so desperate it is such a turn off!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2005): my 19 and pregnant and single and to be apart from someone you love so much is very painful altough ive only been split with my partner a few months it still hurts very much, but i belive that cutting all ties helps. Not trying to hurt you but you waited for this women for too long and your getting nothing in return to me it sounds as though she is leading you on did she even think about you when she was away for so long? darling you sound like a great man and im sure you will meet someone one day and fall in love all over again and they will love you back wish my ex felt the way about me as you do about your ex it was beautiful reading what you typed but now i think you should start thinking about you, give her an alternative either she tells you what she really wants or split all ties it will hurt but youll do it. laurax
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female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (17 September 2005):
I'm going to be brutally honest with you. I do not think that your "ex" wants to pursue a relationship with you. Ok, at present she may indeed be feeling confused about her emotions, but if she really wanted to get back with you it would have happened by now. Why did you find out through friends that she had returned, and not from her own lips?
Her insistence that she does not want to date anyone else is a way of both protecting your feelings and simultaneously keeping you at arm's length. However, her indecision is trapping you in limbo. How long can you see yourself holding out for this woman? Forever? Until she finds somebody else?
At the moment you will be hurting terribly, by your own admission you are smitten by her, and this causes inequalities in the relationship. For your own sanity I would advise that you ask her outright if there is any chance that the relationship will be reinstated. If she is vague then clearly she is not prepared to make a decision about the relationship in this point in time. If she gives a definite yes, then ask her to give timescales. It is unfair for her to leave you dangling by a string, in reserve, whilst she carries on with her life unperturbed.
I was in a similar situation to your girlfriend a few years ago when I split up with my boyfriend. He adored me, but I felt smothered and too young to be in a committed relationship. Like you and your ex, we tried to stay friends but it was very hard work. We both became jealous and it was impossible for both of us to build a new life until we broke ties. And I am guilty of saying to him what you ex is saying to you. I believed one day we might have got back together, definitely not in the immediate future. But in my heart of hearts I knew I had made the right decision to end it, and I had my reasons.
All the best
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