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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi,I am stupid as far as handling relationships are concerned. I don't know if I am too weak emotionally but I tend to give away control to other person quite easily. Sometimes, what happens with this is the other person manipulates and uses me for his/her own selfish purposes. It happened to me with my father, with my brother, with my mum, with my friends and even some girls. I am not able to take stand on something on my own and have to rely too much on other people. Sometimes, when I do try to stand for myself, people judge me as being selfish and inconsiderate. I have started losing faith in relationships altogether.I have not been able to have a long term relationship with any girls for the same reason. Any advice would be useful. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): life most of the times is what you make of so goes the saying. The first step in maturity is realising the presence of a problem and the need to be or find a solution. Now that you realise that that is the problem i believe it is good of you to let go of all those people who do not appriciate who you are. The world is so small but has many good freinds who can and are ready to understand you and help you in your problems. Continue your journey and never look back because of ticks that will not help you achieve your dreams! Remember life is what you make and not what your relatives or friends make for you!
A
female
reader, roni24  +, writes (24 August 2005):
 omg this sounds awfully like myself. you never realise that your letting people walk all over you till its to late do you? do what i did. take control its your life not your families or friends if they cant accept that you can take control of your own life etc then they aint your true friends. take a stand hun and stop letting paople walk all over you. hmm might take that advice myself lol
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reader, madam treudeau +, writes (23 August 2005):
when you stood up for your self you felt better did you not, well then keep standing up for yourself and tell them to piss off. you don't need them anyway. unless you for some strange reason like the way they mis-treat you then by all means go ahead and keep letting them be your backbone. otherwise stand on your own and tell them to climb on to a windy day and shove off.
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A
female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (23 August 2005):
You behaviour in relationships between yourself and your family, and yourself and girls, follows a pre-determined pattern. It sounds as though you've played a subordinate role in relation to others for much of your life. Eventually these learned patterns of behaviour become habit. You come to expect and accept that you will be dominated, and other people expect you to comply with their wishes. It's a self fulfilling prophecy.
Your resentment at being mainpulated indicates that you are aware that you are being mistreated. The more you adopt the role of victim, the more people will take advantage, eventually lowering your self esteem until you begin feeling worthless and dependent upon that person. It's a vicious cycle but you have made a tremendous effort in taking the first step towards breaking out of these negative, repressive behaviour patterns.
As it seems that you are surrounded by people who do not appear to have your best interests at heart, I think that you need to work on your confidence and self esteem with a professional, perhaps a counsellor (in confidence) who can provide you with impartial advice and guidance. I think professional help will benefit you and help you to improve your self-image and become independent of the people who are exploiting you.
Just one tip- I would not mention that you are seeking professional help to people close to you unless you absolutely trust them. The reason I mention this is because it is in their best interests for you NOT to recover. When you become a strong and independent person, they will not be able to manipulate you anymore. You will almost certainly be dissuaded from pursuing self-help by these people.
Most importantly, you have recognised that this is happening and are prepared to take steps towards resolving it. You are still very much an independent thinker. Good for you!
Good luck
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