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female
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anonymous
writes: I have a problem from my past which is coming back to haunt me. I was sexually abused by a family 'friend' when I was 6. I never told anyone and after a few years, I stopped seeing him so he couldn't do anything to me anymore. I never told my parents, as it would upset them. However, now I'm 16 and he's moved back to my town. I saw him at the supermarket the other day and I got so scared. He just looked so smug and I hated it. I can't bear the thought of seeing him ever again and I'm starting to get too scared to go out. What's worse is that I've heard from someone else that he's got a girlfriend and has just had a baby girl. I know it's been a long time but I'm scared he might do the same thing to her that he did to me so many times. I know he did it to other girls too, not just me.I'm so scared and I need some advice on what to do. Do you think the police will be interested now? I couldn't bear the guilt of staying quiet and that little girl going through what I did. Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, daniella +, writes (5 September 2005):
i think it very brave of you to write in and ask for help. If you really want to talk this in to the open do so but you need to think its being a long time and bringing it all back up might make you upset depressed and angry but if your scared do what you thinks rite. good luck
A
female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (5 September 2005):
Firstly, I think you have been awfully brave in coming forward to seek help on this matter. You must have been feeling terrible when you saw him again, and I am so sorry that you have had to look at his face.
This has understandably affected you very deeply. For years you have kept this as a secret, a burden which any adult, let alone a child would struggle to cope with. All this time you were taking into consideration the feelings of your family, unwilling to upset them. Could you possibly confide in a trusted, sympathetic family member?
If you do not feel that you can speak to your family, please seek advice from a professional, possibly a counsellor. I am not aware of the legal implications of making an allegation to the police after a long period of time, so hopefully a counsellor will be able to advise you of what action to take on this matter.
I think the most important factor is that you share this burden with somebody you can trust. This man has abused yours and your family's trust. You are not in any way responsible for what this evil man has done, and should not have to suffer any longer for his awful actions.
All the best
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A
female
reader, Delila +, writes (5 September 2005):
Oh God the pain you have gone through has been kept inside for so long, you want and need to release it all, sometimes it is to protect another child that we first disclose that we have been abused. You must be really scared. Go to the police and the rape crisis center in your area and talk to them. This man will abuse again unless his cover is blown. That is for certain. Be prepared for shock and disbelief as you tell people close to you what happened. They will come round in the end. Your mother may react badly to begin with as she may blame herself. Talk to some professionals first and they will guide you through. Once you disclose the worst will be behind you and you will feel a huge sense of relief. I hope you are strong enough and ready enough to do what you need to do. You won't be sorry if you disclose. Love yourself enough.
Delila
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