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female
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*ayleyscorpio
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months. We used to spend all day, every day together, but recently he only wants to see me for a couple of hours. As a result we aren't intimate and I feel like we are drifting apart. What can I do to get back what we once had together? Please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, StarNews +, writes (27 December 2005):
Is he comfortable with telling you how he feels? Its best to talk honestly and openly about your expectations from each other at the start of the relationship. Dont be afraid to tell someone what you want and need in order for it to work for you. A good trusting relationship will make you feel complete, happy and unchanged.
The only way you will know is to give him the space he needs. The more space you give him, the less he will find he needs. If he strays even further, there is nothing you can do but let him go and dont waste anymore time on him. I know this, because I let go of someone that I loved and he didnt return. But as you can see in my picture, I am much stronger now (see the muscle?), and I am slowly moving on with my life.
Trust is the key, and using your intuition. I did not trust the man that I let go, so I knew it was the right decision.
It should be the quality of time that matters, not the quantity, when you have trust. When and if he does come around, he should be more grateful for you and willing to compromise.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2005): Hey im a female in a relationship for 7 months too.....god guys get used to being and loving being alone yourself too sometimes......let us breathe!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2005): Talking about it will help. I won't tell you your relationship is in danger but I can say, that giving each other breathing space and seperateness is a healthy thing for most, mature relationships. Intimacy means sex to a lot of couples but to me, intimacy has more to do with closeness, shared moments & emotional bonding than sexual interactions. So when you say intimacy I'm not sure how you are defining it. Intimate relations (sex) can wane off as the relationship progresses but it doesn't mean the relationship is dead in the water. You just have to keep communicating and working at it. A relationship cannot remain in the infatuation stage indefinitely. The ebbing of romantic love should not be mistaken as a signal that you are in the wrong relationship or have a serious problem. You and your bf could now be ready to blend personalities and learn to be together in a true partnership. You will run into areas of friction-every relationship does that. Just talk openly and solve those problems as they come about. The sooner you bring up issues when you feel hurt, taken advantage of, irritated, misunderstood, or ignored, the better for the relationship. Suppressing them keeps you a victim and only leads to hostility and feelings of separateness. So sit him down and have a real good heart to heart. You will likely find he does love you..but he's maybe at a different stage of relationship that you are. Honest, open communication is crucial. Talk to him! Good luck, dear and -be happy.
Hugs, Irish
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A
female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (23 August 2005):
There are a number of reasons why your boyfriend appears to be "pulling back". What I immediately noticed is that you've spent "all day, every day" together. Soem people can be happy to spend all of their spare time with their partner, never tiring of their company. Others strongly need their own space. In the first flushes of romance it is easy enough to find yourself always in each other's arms, loving and spending all your time together.
It is natural to begin a relationship seeing each other, for example 2 - 3 times a week, and then progress to seeing more of each other as the months go by. It is a natural and easy development and reflects the deeper emotions that the couple develop. It is very difficult to reverse this action and can leave a partner feeling bereft and unloved if their partner cannot sustain what is essentially a 24/7 relationship.
Be patient with your boyfriend, he may be feeling pressurised by the demands of the relationship. As Anastasia said, talk to him. See if you can agree a compromise, say dating each other for three times a week. And then take things slowly. See your own friends, develop your own interests, and all being well you will gain a fulfilling relationship and social life.
Best of luck
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A
female
reader, bailey +, writes (23 August 2005):
I am having the same problem with my boyfriend at this very moment...I want to be with him all the time, and he only wants to be with me one or two hours out of the the day, usually every other day because every day is "too overwhelming" for him. We have talked it out a few times, and every time he explains to me that he just needs a lot of alone time, and that's just the way his personality is. He tells me not to take it personally, and that it has nothing to do with me, or loving me any less, but he just needs to be by himself sometimes (apparently a lot more than he used to which really frustrates me). This could also be the case for your boyfriend as well, but I do think that you need to bring this up with him, you HAVE to explain how you feel, because if it is obvious to you that he doesn't want to hang out as much and you are less intimate, he will have noticed as well. Please let me know how things go!
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female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (22 August 2005):
 I cannot stress this anymore than I have already. Talk Talk Talk Talk!Express yourself and share your feelings. Hayley...sometimes guys just need their space sometimes and ladies too. It may be nothing but that but you will never know unless you talk to him. You won't know how to fix something until you know what the problem is and the only way to know what the problem is ...is to ask. Take care sweetie..ana
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