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male
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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,I am an adult guy and quite enjoy being in company of my own. Actually, the times in solitude are some of the most relaxing times for me. I have been like this for ages. But now that I am becoming free and can earn my own bread, I don't really think like being bothered to get in to any sort of relationship. Since I took on my first job, I started being distant from my family members and other relationships. I did have some problems with my family but I also had good relationships with friends. But now I feel so much contented with my own life that I don't feel like trying to relate with anyone. Moreover, I have started to realize that the relationships that I had previously asked for more involvement and efforts from my side. It was as if I always wanted to relate with others but others didn't really care much. Now I don't feel like wasting my efforts to sustain such meaningless relationships. Is it wrong to think this way? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (10 September 2005):
No, I do not think there is anything wrong with you not wanting to enter into any kind of relationship at present. I think that it all comes down to your own personal perception.
But I must ask, what job has given you so much fulfilment that you do not want to continue having contact with your family and friends? Does your job satisfy a need that was previously unmet?
The most important thing is that you are out and meeting new people in your workplace. But I am just left wondering why you are unwilling to keep the ties with your family. Are there some unresolved issues here? Most people, when they mature, associate with their new workmates but continue to have close relationships with their family. ALthough it all depends on the inter-family relationships, and whether or not you get on with your family. Are the problems you've had in your family resolvable?
Like you, I enjoy my own company. I find time alone relaxing, and it focusses my mind. But I could not imagine spending all of my spare time living in total hermitude. Of course, some people are naturally reclusive and if this is you, then it is an integral part of your personality and you shouldn't be troubled by this. If on the other hand you have recently shied away from your loved ones and the human race without reason, then I would certainly question this.
Also, as far as your friends and family go, be careful how you deal with them. If you suddenly "drop" them without explantion, because you have decided that you prefer time alone, without offering an explanation, they will assume that you are cold hearted and unfeeling. Do not sever ties with them, you never know when you might need them.
All the best
A
male
reader, Stop n Think +, writes (9 September 2005):
No Not Wrong. It entirely depends how you want your life to be. Reclusive with inner strength or playing on lifes rich tapestry. Frankly like you I choose the former. I avoid people as much as possible but participate when necessary. Its a balance that only you can choose. However the most importasnt thing is Dignity. Know who you are. Respect others and Rest tranquil. The world will respect and like you for that.
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A
female
reader, Delila +, writes (8 September 2005):
This is more about how you feel than how you think. You can't reason with feelings. They just are, there is no right or wrong. I know of a story in which the man is a confirmed batchelor until he is 31 and then meets the love of his life, a 20 year old woman, they went on to get married and have nine children and grow old together.
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