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... Send *arina a private message | | | *arina's profile:I'm a qualified professional life coach helping people with their problems in all aspects of life. My goal is to help people lead happy well-balanced lives. A great deal of my knowledge also comes from my own experiences. There have been many! I've lived in the UK for many years as well as the USA, Hong Kong and Taiwan. I'm now back in the land of my birth, which is South Africa...and loving every minute of it! I'm also an artist and writer. People and their feelings are my passion. I believe we all have it within ourselves to make our lives better, whatever our circumstances. That's why I'm here! |
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She's one of my younger brother's friends, and I spend time with them rather than my peers. Opinions?
Q. I just turned 24 and just graduated college and my brother is 18 so I hang out with his friends all the time, more than friends my own age - and I have a better time with them. One of them likes me, but she is 17 (she might be 16 actually, but ...
A. 4 September 2007: It sounds as though you're a very together person. It doesn't matter what age you are. After all, it's just a number. You're the age you feel, and if you're comfortable with yourself and your friends and have a good relationship with your ... (read in full...)
My friend is ruining her life and I don't know what to do about it. Should I ignore her?
Q. This is a long one, but I'd really appreciate your help!! My friend of 13 years is spiralling out of control. We'll call her Amy. She's 24 and has an almost 3 year old daughter. She's a single mom, the dad is no where to be found. She wasn't like ...
A. 3 August 2007: Amy very badly needs some help, but you and Sandy are not the people who can help her. She's in self-destructive mode and doesn't care who she hurts in the process. She is hating herself and feeling totally insecure. It may be to do with the ... (read in full...)
I can't find any guys, who are interested in me and I like them! Help!
Q. Hi. I am really stuck. I can't find any guys. Every guy that likes me im not interested in. I don't know many guys as i go to an all girls school which is awful. I am quite shy but i've been told i shouldnt be as i get a lot of male attention but i ...
A. 2 August 2007: It's probably because you're thinking of guys as something 'different' and as potential boyfriends. Usually girls who have brothers find it easier to deal with them socially. Also, if you've been at an all girls school or grown up without a father ... (read in full...)
I can't find any guys, who are interested in me and I like them! Help!
Q. Hi. I am really stuck. I can't find any guys. Every guy that likes me im not interested in. I don't know many guys as i go to an all girls school which is awful. I am quite shy but i've been told i shouldnt be as i get a lot of male attention but i ...
A. 1 August 2007: Stop worrying about it! Seriously, there's no point. From what you say you have plenty going for you and guys are attracted to you. I suspect that you become self-conscious when you're with them, because you don't know many, and that probably ... (read in full...)
What are some good tips for getting over a malicious relationship?
Q. What are some good tips for getting over a malicious relationship? Last year I met a guy who rocked my world, in the sense that we had so much in common, had so much fun together, he was a sweetheart and seemed to share similar opinions and mor...
A. 29 July 2007: Hi,
I'm, afraid there's no easy answer to this. It takes time and lots of heartache, but you WILL feel better. I'm attaching an article on heartbreak that I wrote. I hope it helps a little bit.
First acknowledge that healing can’t be rushed.... (read in full...)
Anyway if I start online dating which are the best ones and is it ok to tell them that I am a virgin?
Q. I am a 22 year old virgin female not sure about online dating. Is it ok? Though I am trying to finish college I decided not to start dating until I am 25 or 26, however not only did my mother tell me not to date during junior high and high school ...
A. 27 July 2007: Personally I don't think online dating is much different than meeting a stranger in a bar. Anyone is potentially a weirdo and the answer is to be extremely aware at all times. Don't let anyone know your address or landline phone number and make ... (read in full...)
My fiancee wants me to move to where he is and I want him to move to where I am
Q. i am 21 in august. i am pregnant and due in oct. my problem is, my fiance wants me to move to where he stays which is a wee bit away from all my family and friends. i dont know what to do. i know we would be better off staying with my family ...
A. 26 July 2007: A relationship is all about compromise and ideally you meet each other halfway in these issues. You don't say what your fiances reasons are for staying where he is. Is that where he works? How far is the distance? Would you be able to visit your ... (read in full...)
How can I best overcome these issues and stop it damaging our relationship!?
Q. I hate two things: 1. Pornography (and men leering)– it makes me feel sick. If my partner wants to watch something on tv etc which falls into this category it makes me angry. He also likes me telling him stories about my past and I dont like it....
A. 25 July 2007: You've started to answer your question yourself by saying that you're both insecure and that you have low self-esteem. I imagine he does too. Please don't lay all the blame on yourself. There are two of you in this relationship.
The very fir... (read in full...)
We've been dating 7 months and he's pulling away! What do I do about this?
Q. Hello, A question for guys please. I feel sick and feel like crying my eyes at the moment. I know I shouldn't let anyone make me feel like this. I know I don't deserve this, but I can't help it. I've got a lot going for me, I'm attractive, succ...
A. 20 July 2007: I might sounda bit harsh here, but I've been in exactly the same kind of situation. He's being controlling. This rings lots of alarm bells. I'm sorry not to be more positive, but I think you need to make a break. You're going to have to be ... (read in full...)
I felt there was something he was hiding from me so I broke up. Was it right?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend since Feb. We met online. We are very compatible and have so much fun. We both have been married twice and have kids from both marriages. He's 47 and I'm 48. We are both attractive with many previous relationship ...
A. 17 July 2007: This is one of those really difficult situations. I can't tell you whether or not you've done the right thing, but I do know that our gut feelings are nearly always right and if alarm bells are ringing, then there's probably a reason.
How d... (read in full...)
Should I try to talk to him about the little white lies?
Q. I have just started dating this guy and when we were talking about honesty, he mentioned that he has told 'little white lies' in the past. I agree with him that everyone does it from time to time, but I don't know how to feel! I don't know whether ...
A. 17 July 2007: I can imagine how difficult this is if you've ever been with someone who has lied to you. It makes you distrust everyone. Tell this guy that you need to talk about honesty because you've had a bad experience in the past. Ask him to explain what ... (read in full...)
Why has my partner turned hostile towards me?
Q. Me and my partner have been together for 2 years and everything was great till a fortnight ago, he's turned very hostile towards me, he won't make any contact at all and I feel as if I've done something wrong....
A. 14 July 2007: It sounds as though there's been some misunderstanding or else someone else is causing problems. All you can do in this situation is ask him. Writing a letter is always a good way to do it.
Tell him you have no idea what this is all about an... (read in full...)
I'm worried about her and so upset and I can't help thinking I could have done something to make her stay.
Q. It's my last day of year 9 today and 1st thing in the morning one of my closest friends announced that she was leaving school next school year. She couldn't tell us until it was definite apparently. As you can imagine me and others spent most of the ...
A. 14 July 2007: It's great that you care so much about your friend, but I wouldn't worry too much. I'm certain there's nothing you could have done to change things. I imagine a lot of the reasons she's had problems is to do with the academic pressure at the ... (read in full...)
What's wrong with us fat girls?
Q. Whats wrong with fat gals? Im a fat gal. I take good care of myself. Better than a lot of skinny gals. Why dont i get noticed? My best friend is skinny and she smells ,always have dog hair all over her cloths ,her handr are dirty ,whx do guys like ...
A. 13 July 2007: Well, I identify with you completely because I've always been large and I also live in South Africa. Unfortunately a lot of South African guys do seem to prefer thin girls. Frankly, they're missing out on something good. I'm old enough to ... (read in full...)
Men either try and use me and use sweet talking techniques or they say they want a relationship and then tell me a few weeks down the line that they actually just want fun.
Q. My problem is a mixture and a build up of emotions and things that have happened in my life that I've not been able to come to terms with, I've tried my hardest over the years to forget the past but it's easier said than done, other things bad that ...
A. 12 July 2007: The advice the answer below gives you is very true. The main problem you have is a lack of self-confidence, which may have started because of being treated badly by someone in the first place. It's difficult to break yourself out of this cycle but ... (read in full...)
He proposed and I said yes! But now our relationship is going downhill and I don't know about us anymore. Help!
Q. I have been with my partner for nearly a year now...several months ago he asked me to marry him and i said yes... however these last few months we havent been very good together so i told him that i didnt think we are ready for commitment... to be ...
A. 11 July 2007: You sound extremely confused and upset. First of all: how has your partner reacted? Have you been completely honest with him? I think you should suggest having a break from each other for a while so that you can work out exactly how you feel. I ... (read in full...)
Does anyone have any advice on breaking up with someone you are in love with who is no good? How do you let the person know? How do you go through the process of getting over them?
Q. I need to break up with my boyfriend of 4.5 years. I still love him, and have no doubt in his mind that he loves me, but he is throwing his life away, and ruining mine in the process. I have given him many chances, but am slowly realizing that he ...
A. 9 July 2007: What a difficult situation for you. To me it seems that you have no option but to ask him to leave. If you continue to support him and try to help him through this he'll never change. Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom on their own and ... (read in full...)
My ex and I act like a couple. What should I do?
Q. I'm so confused! I broke up with my ex approx 18 months ago altho we have been seeing each other for the past 6 months altho wer not Bf and GF we may as well be and I'm so sure i'm back in love with him however when me and my ex had broke up i sta...
A. 8 July 2007: This sounds very confusing, not just for you, but for the two guys involved! Does your ex know about the Canadian and is he bothered about you seeing him? If not then he obviously doesn't feel the same about you as you do about him.
My feeling ... (read in full...)
I'm meeting an internet friend for the first time, is it normal to feel sexual tension?
Q. I have sexual tentions about a person that i have never met before. I just saw the person on the internet. I am going to be be meeting this person soon for the first time. Is this normal to be feeling this way?...
A. 8 July 2007: Yes, it's normal to be feeling that way, but bear in mind that the image of this person you have in your head is a fantasy. The problem with getting to know people on the internet is that they can say what they want and lead you to believe they're ... (read in full...)
Should I totally move on or should I keep a little hope that the love of my life will come back to me?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been dating for over 3 years and everything has been great but this last month. I was her first serious relationship and we had a great time, traveled the world together. With in the last year she moved about 4 hours away ...
A. 7 July 2007: I think she's doing exactly what she's told you she's doing: she's having some space to make sure you're the love of her life. When people go out together from a young age and head straight into marriage, there's often a feeling at some point that ... (read in full...)
Husband's spending habits eroding marriage
Q. Husband's spending habits eroding marriage I have been a working actor for most of my adult life. I’ve never gotten rich from my work, but I’ve always supported myself, lived within my means and taken pains to save money whenever possible, both i...
A. 7 July 2007: There's no quick answer to this, but you have to get it sorted. It must be so stressful living like this and in the end it will destroy your relationship. Unfortunately your husband is one of those people who has never been taught the value of ... (read in full...)
He visited prostitutes and wants me to forget about it! I love him but don't respect him!
Q. I have just found out my h has been sleeping with prostitutes while I was pregnant. Bub now 8 weeks old. Says he wont do it again, doesn't want to destroy our family (also have 2 yo) but has never really apologized and is acting as if nothing has ...
A. 7 July 2007: I've talked to both men and women who have been in your and your husband's situation. The men I've talked to have all said that they love their wives very much, that it didn't mean anything, they greatly regret it and they want it forgotten. ... (read in full...)
me and my sister keep having massive rows
Q. Big problem. I have a big problem cos me and my sister keep having massive rows. Its got to the point where we have now decided that we will never speak to each other again. Its not necessarily what I want but I cant see a solution. We row abou...
A. 2 July 2007: No wonder you're upset! It's very difficult living all the time with someone who clashes with you personality wise. Remember that old saying: 'you can choose your friends but you can't choose your relatives'? Well, it's very true. Just because ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend hasn't called, but doesn't want me to call...what do I do?
Q. The last time I heard from my boyfriend was Thursday night. He said he would call me in the next couple of days. I know he had things on his mind but I am getting worried. I want to call him but he told me he doesn't want to hear from me. I am ...
A. 1 July 2007: I know it's hurtful but it's true that it would be best not to call him if that's what he's asked. I'm sure he just has other things on his mind and perhaps he needs to think and sort things out. We all need some time alone sometimes and some ... (read in full...)
His family hates because I'm more important to him. Help!
Q. ive just got off the phone to my LD bf and found out last night after our nightly call his family said some nasty things about me saying i got him wrapped round my finger and they hate how he puts me before them. they also hate the fact that i call ...
A. 1 July 2007: Well, it sounds as though his family are being a bit unfair. I'm assuming they don't know you very well yet and therefore see you as a possible threat to your boyfriend. Try to remember that anything they say and feel is because they want to ... (read in full...)
He says young relationships rarely last, does this mean he isnt commited to me?
Q. Me and my boyfriend are both young, I'm 18 and hes turning 19 soon. We have been going out for 5 months now and I'm scared/paranoid hes going to break up with me because I don't feel he is commited as he says he is from a disscussion we recently ...
A. 30 June 2007: I totally understand why you're feeling as you do. It must seem like your boyfriend doesn't care enough about you. It sounds to me as though he's putting up some barriers either to protect himself or to protect you, or both. If he's had some bad ... (read in full...)
How do I learn to trust again after my past hurts?
Q. It is really hard for me to trust another man in a relationship. Being engaged then cheated on, helping him take care of his two kids from his previous marriage, father of my child playing mind games, manipulation, etc. My past relationships were a ...
A. 27 June 2007: It's very difficult. I think you've put your finger on it when you say 'my past relationships were a learning lesson'. Everything we go through in life teaches us something to take forward to the future. Dwelling on our mistakes and going over ... (read in full...)
My ex is clinging to me; how do I tactfully create some distance?
Q. My ex still tells me he loves, wants to get back together, wants to come and visit and so forth. He knows how I feel. He countinues to tell me he loves me, wants to get back together and the process continues. I still love him but not enough to ...
A. 27 June 2007: Mmm. This is a bit of a dilemma. It's great that you're being there for him when he needs you, but you're right that it can't go on like this. The longer he thinks you're there and caring, the longer he'll have hope of getting back together and ... (read in full...)
He makes sexual demands all the time and I can't always be bothered
Q. i am 31 and my fiance is 46. he wants oral sex all the time and sometimes i just don't feel like doing it. i love him and want this relationship to work but he is constantly making a big issue that i don't satisfy him the way he wants me to. he also ...
A. 26 June 2007: I'm sorry to have to be very blunt here, but you really should be questioning marrying someone who doesn't respect your feelings and tries to make you feel guilty when you don't do what he wants.
A sexual relationship in a marriage is an extensio... (read in full...)
We have a great connection but he says he doesn't want to settle
Q. In 2004, I met the most handsome man while still in college. We were both older students (in our thirties)who felt that fate had brought us together. We dated for a couple of months, but broke up before we graduated. We lost touch with each other ...
A. 26 June 2007: I would see where it goes. Although you've known him a while you haven't spent a lot of time together. It would be a huge step for him to settle down and change his career direction, so you're going to have to be patient, although I know how ... (read in full...)
He's joining the army. I cant see a future for me without him.Help!
Q. I need help on how to get thru a painfull time Been with bf a year He has kids aged 14-9 He is in the army and based on the opposite side o the country from where there kids mother lives with them He cant handle that because he only gets ...
A. 24 June 2007: A broken heart is so painful. Nothing I can say will make it better at this stage. This guy sounds as though he's being honest and trying to do the right thing, but unfortunately it's not good for you. You have two options: the first is to stop ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is 17 years older than I--I worry about how other people see us!
Q. I'm dating a man 17 years older than me. I really like this guy but sometimes I wonder how people view us as a couple. I think it personally doesn't matter but I would like to know what other peoples' views on this are? ...
A. 24 June 2007: Hey, don't worry about it! My father married my stepmother when she was 34 and he was 16 years older than her. They had many many very happy years together. What other people think is not important. Age is just a number anyway. It means nothing ... (read in full...)
I want him back again but I'm not sure if he feels the same
Q. hey hey everybody!!! the thing that i would like to know is if you like a guy alot should you tell him? my story is that theres this guy that i really really like alot, about 3 years ago(this is the third year) we went out but then broke up, l...
A. 24 June 2007: Honesty is the best policy in this kind of situation. Just talk to him and tell him exactly what you've told us here. There were reasons you said 'no' but you still have feelings for him and you would now like to go out if he still feels the same. ... (read in full...)
He wants to be 'friends with benefits' but I want more
Q. I want to know when it all went wrong. I started seeing this guy february 2006 and we had been seeing each other for 2 months and he said that it wasnt serious and that we werent going out and didnt see me regularly, so i started seeing another guy ...
A. 24 June 2007: I'm sure you know in your heart of hearts what's happening here. This guy is using you, even if he seems like your friend. He wants you around when he hasn't got someone else.
I think you should think of him only as a friend and go out with... (read in full...)
The sex with him is awful; should I leave him, or cheat?
Q. my kids father and i just recently reconnected and before the sex was amazing and now its terrible, i just made him stop and get off me i am not satified with the way he handles me. i try to spice it up but hes not intrested. its like were 2 dead ...
A. 23 June 2007: This is confusing. Why has the sex with your kid's father gone from amazing to terible? That's the first thing to work out. I don't know why you split up in the first place but is there a chance he's feeling insecure with you now and not ... (read in full...)
He's married but seems to quite like me; could this go anywhere?
Q. Recently a married co-worker started e-mailing me at home. The emails are not sexual in any way--the most he has ever said is that he thinks I'm cute and that he likes my company and enjoys talking to me. He came to visit me twice at home, yet both ...
A. 23 June 2007: This is a friendship that won't go any further. Put the thought of a relationship with this guy right out of your mind! He's married. He's told you he'd ask you out if he WASN'T married....but he is. I expect he's enjoying your company and some ... (read in full...)
What's the difference between having deep deep feelings for someone and loving that person?
Q. What's the difference between having deep deep feelings for someone and loving that person?...
A. 16 June 2007: This is an individual thing. Some people would say that loving someone IS having deep deep feelings for them. The way people love depends so much on their psychological make-up.
In my opinion loving someone is when you accept them as they are... (read in full...)
I have been going out with my boyfriend for 10 months now and he still does not want to have sex with me.
Q. I have been going out with my boyfriend for 10 months now and he still does not want to have sex with me. I have brought this up a number of times and his answer is that he does not want to dissapoint me. I have tried to make he feel comfortable in ...
A. 16 June 2007: Hmmm. I can understand your frustration and it does sound a bit strange. Very sensible of you to suggest counselling. What was his reaction? It may be there's something he's embarrassed about and doesn't want to tell you. Tell him that if he ... (read in full...)
She called me to say she couldn't meet me, she was 50 miles away to be with her dad but I saw her an hour later in town!
Q. what do u think is going on? i've been dating my girlfriend a little over 3 1/2 months i planned for today friday 15th June to spend it hanging out together but this morning at 11.40am she text me 2 say she couldn't meet me friday or satur...
A. 16 June 2007: Whoah! Slow down a bit. This all sounds very rushed and panicky to me. After three and a half months you're trying for a baby and you want to move in with her, but you don't trust her. I think you haven't been in the relationship long enough to ... (read in full...)
Do I need a boob job to get validation?
Q. I'm 16 and I have 32A breasts. My boyfriend had a girlfriend before me with at least a C-cup. He says he doesn't care, but the way he looks at me when I'm in my pj's he seems dissapointed. Do men look at anything other than the size of a girl's ...
A. 15 June 2007: Yesterday I happened to see a video of guys being asked questions about women. One of the questions was 'Do you like big-breasted women?' There were ten guys answering the questions, ranging from late teens to thirties in age. Every single one of ... (read in full...)
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