A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i am 31 and my fiance is 46. he wants oral sex all the time and sometimes i just don't feel like doing it. i love him and want this relationship to work but he is constantly making a big issue that i don't satisfy him the way he wants me to. he also wants to have anal sex alot, and i do it sometimes but i don't really care for it. any advice on what to do to make this relationship work?
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (26 June 2007):
 Much of this depends on how he demands. If he is merely asking and you're giving in, you must set the limits. If he is harping on you relentlessly, he has to be set straight.
It's easier for the person with the lower sex drive to accommodate the other, with the higher drive. I say this because sex is enjoyable and should be easy to do. Now if he wants it twice a day or 5 times a week, that might be too much. If you want it once a week and he wants it 4 times a week, maybe you could do it three times a week. In order for you to have more sex, he must meet your mental needs. And you, as the person with the lower drive, might find ways to get in the mood. The worst you get is an orgasm. You both must be realistic.
You both need to adjust your thoughts and meet in the middle. You're not his sex slave and at the same time, he needs you to try and put more effort into this.
A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (26 June 2007):
 I'm sorry to have to be very blunt here, but you really should be questioning marrying someone who doesn't respect your feelings and tries to make you feel guilty when you don't do what he wants.
A sexual relationship in a marriage is an extension of loving and caring about the other person. You should sit down and have a discussion together about this. It sounds to me as if you've been trying your best to please him, but if it makes you unhappy and uncomfortable then you need to come to some sort of compromise. Tell him how much you love him and explain exactly what you do and don't like sexually. Then ask him what he suggests you can both do about it. I think you both need to be very honest about this. Try to keep the conversation matter of fact and see where it leads.
A relationship is about give and take on both sides. Personally I believe it's fine to satisfy his wishes when and if you're in the mood, as long as he's also satisfying yours and as long as he doesn't make an issue about it if you don't want to.
If he loves you he'll respect your feelings and you should be able to work something out together. Best of luck.
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