A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have just started dating this guy and when we were talking about honesty, he mentioned that he has told 'little white lies' in the past. I agree with him that everyone does it from time to time, but I don't know how to feel! I don't know whether to appreciate his honesty about telling me this, or be wary about someone who has told 'little white lies'. Should I press him about what he has lied about in the past? Or would he lie about that?!!?!? How would I bring it up in conversation? See, because I had my fingers burnt in a previous relationship, I now keep thinking is what this guy telling me the truth or a 'little white lie'! Help!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (17 July 2007):
 I agree with Carina on how to manage the situation. I just want to add a little something: if I said I have never told a white lie, would that make me more trustworthy?
Of course not. Everyone has told a white lie sometime. Maybe you have commented on the lies by a previous person and he's warning you that he's not perfect, because he doesn't want you to feel let down when you see he's just human.
I see your point. Maybe he didn't tell "little white lies", but gross ones, and you wouldn't know. My take is, if he's honest with you, this is what matters.
A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (17 July 2007):
 I can imagine how difficult this is if you've ever been with someone who has lied to you. It makes you distrust everyone. Tell this guy that you need to talk about honesty because you've had a bad experience in the past. Ask him to explain what sort of 'white lies' he has told. Explain that you're sure he IS honest but you're nervous about this and just want it clarified.
I expect he means the kind of lies we all tell occasionally in order to protect someone's feelings. In your case though, you need him to reassure you that he'll always be totally honest with you about everything.
If you don't discuss this with him straight away it's something that could build up to damage your relationship, so tackle it head on now. After all, you'll be able to tell a lot by his reaction and if he genuinely cares about you he'll understand your worries. Good luck.
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