A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have just found out my h has been sleeping with prostitutes while I was pregnant. Bub now 8 weeks old. Says he wont do it again, doesn't want to destroy our family (also have 2 yo) but has never really apologized and is acting as if nothing has ever happened. He just wants me to forget it and not bring it up again. Says he first went because he was having problems getting an erection and wanted to experiment. Why go to prostitutes? Why not discuss it with me? We have alot of ties re business etc. and its not that easy to just walk out. But if I stay I feel he gets off scot free. I still love him the same but have lost any respect I had for him. Do I go?
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female
reader, disappointedwoman  +, writes (29 August 2008):
I have known many, many women who have gone through this since I found out about my husband (soon to be ex) and they just don't change. As long as you are with him, you will always have to wonder if he is doing it again. Men do this because they want to do it. Once they have done it, a line has been crossed and they just don't stop completely...no matter what. The wives are soooo desperate to keep this cheating perverts because they love him...but think about it, if you are getting sloppy seconds from prostitutes, he clearly loves his penis more. Nobody wants to admit that after you discover this, your life will never be the same again...but it is true. Some women stay forever, but they are so angry and miserable...and their fingernails are chewed to the quick. It took me over a year to get over the shock and file for divorce, and at first, I was so lonely and scared..and I missed him....the good part of him. We have two kids and I haven't worked in years. I didn't know how I would survive, but I knew that I would die inside if I had to live with this nightmare anymore. Now that he has been gone and I've gotten over the loss of my marriage..not the man...just the fantasy of stability that I had, I wouldn't take him back for ANYTHING. I am so relieved. I'm getting my life back. Please take my advice and stop putting up with these men and standing by them after they completely stomp on your feelings.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (7 July 2007):
 What he did was terrible. If you say you still love him, I'd get some therapy for this issue, as a couple. You have to make peace with this and he needs to feel some remorse. Were yo giving him sex at home?
Men CAN have sex, merely for the sake of sex. It's a need that many women don't fully understand and take for granted. Since women tend to have the power, sexually speaking, when they decide they don't want sex, they're deciding for two people. If the woman has the lower sex drive and continually turns her man down, he feels trapped. It is very frustrating. Then woman can't understand why it's so important for the man and the man can't understand why the woman isn't interested.
This is in no way an excuse for what he did, it's just a reason why he might have dome it. Did he doe this before you were pregnant too?
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A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (7 July 2007):
 I've talked to both men and women who have been in your and your husband's situation. The men I've talked to have all said that they love their wives very much, that it didn't mean anything, they greatly regret it and they want it forgotten. However, this is not easily done when you're their partner!
In all cases the men said there were other underlying issues of their own they were dealing with and they found seeing a counsellor helped. My guess is that this is true with your husband too. I really think you should go to counselling together before you make any major decision to leave. You both need to understand what led him to do it and he needs to realise how he has destroyed your relationship. By talking to someone unbiased he can be made aware of these things. From your point of view it will help you feel better and recover your self-esteem if you know that it's not your fault this happened. A counsellor will help you come to some conclusions about what you should do next.
If this is the only time this has happened, if you love him and for the sake of your children and yourself, it's worth making the effort to get professional help. At least then you will know you tried your best, even if you decide to leave in the end. I do hope you manage to work it all out. Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, jaxwardle86  +, writes (7 July 2007):
 Ok firstly can I just say to your husband you go to the doctors about erection problems not prostitutes. After that I really don't know what else to say you obviously love this man a lot but does he love you? There is no respect in this marriage and this is one of the key elements to a successful relationship as well as trust which you understandable don't have for him any more and love. If it were me I would walk away and tell him to come back when he's realized the true pain he has put you through. I can see there being a lot of arguments if you stay together and carrying on acting like nothing has happened. He seems to think he has done no wrong this is untrue you and I both know that but you can't make him see that. If he truly loves and respects you he will realize what he had once it is gone until then this marriage will not get any better tc Jax xxxxxx
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A
male
reader, honeyross +, writes (7 July 2007):
 It may be true that he'll never do it again but he should admit that breaking your trust is something that can't just be glossed over. From his perspective - as silly as it sounds, a man's sexual ability is very closely tied to his self-esteem and so he may have found talking to you about his dysfunction too embarrassing. For many men, sex and love are two different things. Having said this doesn't give him licence to have sex with others, though.If you both love each other I think it's worth being patient while you get through this difficult time together. It's important that the issues that have been raised are talked about (with the help of a professional, if necessary).All the best!
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