A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,A question for guys please.I feel sick and feel like crying my eyes at the moment.I know I shouldn't let anyone make me feel like this. I know I don't deserve this, but I can't help it. I've got a lot going for me, I'm attractive, successful in my career and have never been short of offers.I've been dating a guy for 7 months, 6 months were good in the last month he's been pulling away saying that he doesn't know what he wants. Yet before he's the one who was talking about marriage and the future.I got attached after dating him for a few months.Since the last month, he ignores my calls, he ignores my text messages. It hurts so much. When I ask him if I'm wasting my time he says no. He compliments me, etc. I've hardly seen him in the last month. We're supposed to be going away for a few days next week, his suggestion. We were supposed to meet today, when I called him to see if we're still meeting today, he's got other plans. I asked him what's going on he said he doesn't know if he wants to be with me. Those words really hurt. I asked why he wants to go away with me, he said because he wants to see if he still wants to be with me. I asked what are you more inclined towards doing, he said he's more towards being with me. Why is he doing this to me? :-( And am I really wasting my time?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2007): Well, much as this hurts, you have to look at the facts: he ignores your calls/texts; you've seen very little of him in the past month - and he was supposed to meet you TODAY to talk about going away for a few days!My dear, what does that tell you? You should really have given up on the idea of going away with him about two-three weeks ago, when he was not responding to your messages and calls.He says he doesn't know if he wants to be with you. Fair enough: I have a suggestion - why don't YOU make up his mind for him and tell him you no longer want nor are willing to put up with all his nonsense? End of him; him of story -you can then be free to meet someone else, in time, who WILL be clear that he loves you, respects you and wants to be with you!
A
female
reader, SilverSong86  +, writes (20 July 2007):
This has happened to me in the past as well. It's usually a sign of fear of commitment. Biologically men have this need to "spread their seed" if you will and be with as many women as possible before settling down. The best thing to do is give him the space he wants. People want what they can't have and it sounds like he's enjoying the power over you (another factor a lot of men possess unfortunately), but once he realizes that you're perfectly happy without him he will most likely come back plus the ball will be in your court. You'll probably have to fake this. When he's around be confident, act as if your life without him is entirely fulfilling, and above all only cry with your friends, family, or self. In the end, even if he doesn't come back the fake confidence will probably have become real and you'll have attracted a new man who will realize the gift you are and treat you accordingly. He may be a runner for life in which case he will never be able to have a committed relationship with anyone, so be happy that you got out. Just don't be afraid of pain, the human soul can withstand more than we realize and heal itself to always become stronger and more ready for love. Hope that helps a little. Good luck and realize that now you have nothing to fear.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2007): Thank you so much everyone for taking time out. This site is fantastic. I still feel horrible inside. I let my emotions control me, which is not a good thing. I think I will have to learn to back off. He said things that were hurtful today, even made a comment saying that I'm trying to force him into a relationship... where as I want is a little bit of his un-divided attention.
I shall write back after our few days away, god help me, I'm dreading the outcome, xx.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2007): I've been through this and it hurts like crazy. yes marriage was mentioned and I really thought he was the one. Once I was hooked and was in love with him he backed off. What I found ,the more upset I got and the more I tried to contact him the further he backed away. He let me down too at the last minute and I eventually found out that he was interested in someone else. But was keeping me on the back burner just in case things didn't work out with the new girl. Make a clean break for your own sanity and if he wants you back you make sure that you call all the shots from thereon. Game playing is a sure sign of his immaturity.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2007): Hi i have just been going through the same as you,he is controlling the situation,believe me,it got that bad with me i had to go and see a doctor for depression,dont let it get this far for you.i know it hurts and you love him,but please dont put up with this.take time for yourself rebuild you self esteem and confidence.
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A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (20 July 2007):
 I might sounda bit harsh here, but I've been in exactly the same kind of situation. He's being controlling. This rings lots of alarm bells. I'm sorry not to be more positive, but I think you need to make a break. You're going to have to be strong and tell him that you won't/can't put up with this treatment. Either he wants to be with you or he doesn't. Tell him you think it's best if you break up while he works out what he really wants.
I know how very very hard this is when you love someone, but in the end you're only giving him permission to carry on confusing you and using you. Stand strong now and if he truly wants to be with you he'll come back. If not then at least you will have started to move on.
Arranging to do things and then letting you down is the sort of thing control freaks do. He likes to feel he has some power over you. If you carry on with him he's got you exactly where he wants you. You don't deserve this. You obviously have a lot going for you. Go out and find things to take your mind off him. I know you'll be better off without him messing with your emotions and game playing. I wish you all the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2007): OMG hunni i cant believe this, ive just submitted a question about my relationship which is almost identical to your situation. Ive been dating my guy for 7 months and recently hes been ignoring my texts and ignoring me! hes been really short with me when i try and speak to him and he told me that hes going to be too busy for the next 5 months to see me!! i think that both our guys must be scared about the relationships but im not sure! ive asked for advice too and im awaiting a response so im really just writing to offer you support and say that i am in exactly the same position! contact me if you wanna chat!
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