A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It's my last day of year 9 today and 1st thing in the morning one of my closest friends announced that she was leaving school next school year. She couldn't tell us until it was definite apparently. As you can imagine me and others spent most of the day crying. She was leaving because my school puts too much pressure on academic results and the one she's going to is good for the arts. She was great about it and wrote each of her close friends a letter and gave some pictures ect. She hasn't been well recently with anorexia and then depression, so I can understand a little. But If she's fighting this wouldn't it be better for her to be with her friends? And I can understand her wanting to focus on the arts, but I would always rather stay with my friends. I'm worried about her and so upset and I can't help thinking I could have done something to make her stay.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): Thanks :) That helped a lot
And I took you advice and huged a puppy :D (It seriously works!)
A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (14 July 2007):
 It's great that you care so much about your friend, but I wouldn't worry too much. I'm certain there's nothing you could have done to change things. I imagine a lot of the reasons she's had problems is to do with the academic pressure at the school. However wonderful your friends are, you still have to do the work and achieve the results, and if she's finding that too stressful then she'll be much happier elsewhere doing something she enjoys. I'm sure she's thought about this a lot and wouldn't do it unless she felt it was the best decision. It doesn't mean she doesn't care about you.
The thing is that you can stay friends. In fact while she's settling in to her new school she'll especially need some support. A good friend can be a friend for life, wherever you go and wherever you live. There are so many ways of keeping in contact: email, msn, telephone, skype, letters etc. Both of you could join facebook and you'll be able to exhchange news and photos. If she's not far away then you should be able to see her at weekends and in the holidays too. You could ask her to stay at your house.
I know it's a wrench and you'll miss her a lot, but it sounds as though you have a good group of other friends. My best friend is someone I met at school when I was 11 and that was a long time ago! We've both lived in different parts of the world and had ups and downs in our lives but we've helped each other by staying in touch and seeing each other when we can manage it. Perhaps you'll still know this person in twenty years or so! Hope this helps a bit.
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A
female
reader, LynstHolin  +, writes (14 July 2007):
Maybe you could have made her stay, but she may have ended up resenting you for it. This new school is an opportunity for her, and it wouldn't be right for you to keep her from it. If your friendship with her is strong, it can withstand the separation. I know you're hurting right now. You have every right to those feelings. But school lasts only a short while--your friend is preparing herself for the rest of her life. (Not to mention that academic pressure can cause depression, and make it worse)Tell her how much you'll miss her, and let her know that you're there for her. Make the effort to spend time with her after she's in the new school.Now go hug a puppy or something to cheer you up a little.
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