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female
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anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend are both young, I'm 18 and hes turning 19 soon. We have been going out for 5 months now and I'm scared/paranoid hes going to break up with me because I don't feel he is commited as he says he is from a disscussion we recently had. During that discussion he told me that he doesnt think anything lasts forever, therefor implying that we wont last forever. He says he believes that you should make the most of every day because it might not last that long. He also said he thinks that no relationships at our age will last long...although after I started crying and got really upset about this, he then added that although thats what he believes he knows there is a chance we could last longer, its just on average most young relationships dont last long.I was really upset by what he said cause it makes me think he has no vision for our future TOGETHER. Its like he has easily accepted we wont last that long. But I cant do that and it hurts me he sees it like that. It makes me think hes not that commited cause hes not willing to see that we may stay together longer.I duno what to make of this....i dont know if I should just remind myself that he is a veyr negative person always in life and has had alot of girls break up with him or he is just not that commited to me...?What do you guys think?I find it hard to beleivbe that a relationship can last long if you dont believe it can. I beleive that where theres a will theres a way. I think you need hope for it to work to make it work and since he doesnt have hope, I dont see it working because of that...
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCarina-
I think you are right in saying hes putting up some barriers. I think hes putting them up to protect himself because he has been hurt a fair few times before. And he has also said he doesnt want to give me false hope by saying 'we will be togetherr forever' cause he thinks that will hurt me. And thats true, it would hurt. But there is a differece between saying 'we will be together forever' and AIMING to be together as long as you. And thats all I'm asking from him...I want him to share the same vision as me. But it seems he doesnt, like hes too scared to want to stay together forever...its like he doesnt even want to dream that cause hes so scared it wont come true. Is that too much to ask? For him to aim to be together forever? How can you achieve something when you arent working towards it?
Anyway thankyou SO much for your help. You told the truth but said it in the most nicest way possible :) Some people on here are a bit harsh and blunt :(
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female
reader, Carina  +, writes (30 June 2007):
 I totally understand why you're feeling as you do. It must seem like your boyfriend doesn't care enough about you. It sounds to me as though he's putting up some barriers either to protect himself or to protect you, or both. If he's had some bad experiences in the past then he's bound to worry about being hurt. Also, sometimes one person in a couple (you) is more sure about how they feel much more quickly than the other (him). After all, five months is not a long time to have been going out together.
He says these things partly because he feels insecure and partly because he's letting you know that he's not yet ready for a longterm commitment, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you or that you won't stay together.
I would suggest that you try to relax about the whole situation if you can. Ignore anything he says about relationships ending and focus on the fact that he wants to be with you now. Neither he nor you knows what the future will bring, so try not to spoil the happiness you have now by worrying about the future. If you truly love each other and are right for each other I'm sure you'll end up together longterm.
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female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (30 June 2007):
 I personally think for his age he has his head well screwed on, he is right you do have to make the most of every day, because you never know whats round the corner so if you don't set yourself up for a long relationship then if things do not work out then it's not so hard.
Just relax and enjoy your relationship and worry if and when things start to go wrong.
Take care.xx.
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A
male
reader, pantelis0383  +, writes (30 June 2007):
No it means, growing up, people change,and people must want to change for the better.But growing up, you will see many people stay were you left themand others will mature.Everyone grows up in a different way. He might be committed to you at the moment, but,the hard part, is for you mature together.What you have in common now, might not be in the future.Hope that helps:)
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