A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I need help on how to get thru a painfull time Been with bf a year He has kids aged 14-9He is in the army and based on the opposite side o the country from where there kids mother lives with them He cant handle that because he only gets one weekend off a month from the army he only gets to see them once a monthHe has told me it breaks his heart being away from them and although he thinks the world of me he needs to see them more He has been so honest with meThe only way he can see more of them is if they move here and the only waythat can happen is if he trys again with his ex The pain is killing me He said if there was no kids he would be with me but i know he will make it work for the kidsI asked him if he loved her or if he loved her because she was the mother of his kids He said the second one I also asked if he saw them together for the rest of his life and he said he really didnt knowIm broken and just want the pain to go awayI know ppl dont think its good but please dont tell me im wrong as i feel its what i need We are still gonna be friends and keep in contact We still wanna be in each others lives as neither of us have done anything wrong Its just circumstances. Whatever happens or has happened i still want to be his friendI cant see a future for me without him I love him He is my first bf and the pain is killing mePlease help with any advice
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female
reader, Carina  +, writes (24 June 2007):
 A broken heart is so painful. Nothing I can say will make it better at this stage. This guy sounds as though he's being honest and trying to do the right thing, but unfortunately it's not good for you. You have two options: the first is to stop having any contact with him at all and get on with your life and meet other people. The second is to keep in contact but to know that it will never go anywhere. Only you can decide which is best in your situation.
Either way you need to start focusing on yourself and your own life. Keep yourself busy, go out with friends, pamper yourself and keep telling yourself that you're a wonderful person who deserves to be loved. Try not to think about him and don't waste time going over and over what's happened. You need to move on. Things happen for a reason and there's probably someone else out there waiting to meet you. Go find him! I've written an article about hearbreak and how to deal with it, which you might find helpful. It's on my blog: www.gethappy.iblog.co.za
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