A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex still tells me he loves, wants to get back together, wants to come and visit and so forth. He knows how I feel. He countinues to tell me he loves me, wants to get back together and the process continues. I still love him but not enough to get back in a relationship with him. He's going thru a lot, the mother of his child keep him away from his son, etc. I am his support system but I am being as nice as possible without blowing up in his face. He lives two hours away, which is good. I have sympathy for him. I care for him but not to be apart of his dramatic issues that may involve me. How do I be as nice as possible without chasing him away to negativity?
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female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (27 June 2007):
 Carina is right, you need to tell him straight off, you have to be cruel to be kind in this case otherwise he'll still think he's got a chance. You need to sit him down and say " I'm sorry but we will not get back together, we can't go on like this because I don't feel the same way as you do for me. I'll be here for you as I know you need someone, but as a friend and nothing more, I'll always be there for you but I have to make this clear - we arn't going to get back together."
Something along those lines.
Take care hun, I've had to do this before and I know it's hard but with the right words, hopefully he'll understand.
xx
A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (27 June 2007):
 Mmm. This is a bit of a dilemma. It's great that you're being there for him when he needs you, but you're right that it can't go on like this. The longer he thinks you're there and caring, the longer he'll have hope of getting back together and the longer it will take for him to get over you.
He's obviously not listening to what you're telling him because he doesn't want to hear it. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. I would write him an email or letter and state exactly how you see your relationship, even if you've said this before. Explain that you can no longer be his support system, even though you care about him, because it's better for both of you to move on. Suggest that he finds professional help if he can't find it from another friend.
If you are happy to keep in touch then make some rules. For example, you'll call him once a month but you won't see him, or you'll write occasionally but not speak on the phone. Decide exactly what you want to do and make it absolutely clear that you mean to stick to this. If you think it's best not to see him again at all, then warn him that you won't be answering any calls or emails etc. You can do your best to be kind by stressing that this is very much for his benefit.
I know you'll feel bad, but remember that he'll be happier in the long term if he can move on....Out of sight is out of mind. Good luck.
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