| A
female
,
*ISSAMERICA4U@AOL.COM
writes: Me and my fiance are fighting a lot. I think it may be because I am ready to get married and get my life started and I feel he is not. Is he holding out because he thinks he can find better? Does this mean hes not in love with me or does he just need time?
View related questions:
fiance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (8 July 2005):
 How long have you two been together? How old are you both?
Maybe you're just rushing him, especially if you're young or have only been dating for a year or so.
If you're still young - say, up to your mid-20s - then there isn't any rush to get married. Your life IS started; it's what you do with it that's important.
Try to remember that the act of getting married is a one-day celebration of a union between two people. You don't have to wait until that day to start living! Start your career, buy a house, adopt a puppy. What's stopping you?
Wanting to cement the relationship that you have is the reason for getting married. So ask yourself, can you see yourself with this guy every day, every night, every Spring, every Winter, every New Year's Eve and every summer solstice, even when you're 53? When you're 75? 90? Would you say that you're confident that you never want to have sex with anyone else, as long as you live? Never kiss or flirt with other guys? You want to have this man by your side for the rest of your life, exactly as you are today?
That, in essence, is the marriage vow. I don't know that a lot of women ever really think of it those terms, but that's esentiallty what you swear when you get married, and it sounds to me that HE'S not ready and that YOU'RE not ready for that kind of commitment.
If you're still arguing over the *concept* of marriage, then the answer to your question is NO, he's not looking for someone "better" than you. He's probably not thinking about marrying anyone at all at this stage of his life.
Ease up on pressure to get married. It's really not getting you anywhere, is it? Enjoy your boyfriend's company, enjoy his quirks. And if you don't enjoy him for the man that he is right now, then you *definitely* don't want to marry him. But if he's not ready to be married - to you, or to anyone - then you have to decide what's more important: being married, or being with him.
Good luck; hope you make the right decision.
A
reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (7 July 2005):
If a man TRULY loves you & wants to be married to you, then he would never even THINK of arguing about setting a wedding date.
He would be OVERJOYED to talk about marriage & would look forward to the day he walked down the aisle with you !
He might want to plan financially & make sure both of you have money to pay for everything, but Wedding Planning should be fun & exciting, both couples feeling thrilled to begin their life together.
If an argument brews everytime you broach the subject of marriage, then he's not ready...and he's NOT THAT INTO YOU.
Sorry to burst your bubble honey, but a man in Love thinks & plans about spending a lifetime with his special lady.
He should go out of his way to make you feel adored & cherished.
If he does not do this, then you are not priority in his life.
Find a man who absolutely LONGS to be with you, desires marriage & family...and has the MATURITY to deal with the future.
All the best,
...............................
|
