A  ,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm 16.It is now legal for me to have sex. I'm scared to have it. My friends tell me to wait till I'm ready, but there is a boy I really like, he always tells me he wants me to be his first. I liked attention from him so I said "you never know".Since then he has asked he out. I really like him, but what if he wants to do it? I can't just say no, or I will never have a boyfriend, but I can't do it; I'm not ready, I'm too scared.What should I do and am I the only person in the world who doesn't want sex? Reply to this Question
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reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (6 July 2005):
First of all, you have some misguided preconceptions about sex.If you say no to sex...it does NOT mean you will never have a boyfriend.It just means you are not ready, sweetie.Do NOT allow yourself to be pressured into sexual intimacy, especially your first time !If this guy really cares about you, he will respect you and not treat you like a sexual conquest.Some guys drool over the thought of "taking a virgin"Let your first time be with someone you truly care about...not LIKE...but actually LOVE.Then you will really want to give yourself to him, and when it's over, he will hold you close & kiss you tenderly, fully appreciating your gift to him.Take it slow...relax...there's no rush to have sex.Your friends are RIGHT...do it when you are ready.Any guy who rushes you, deserves the Bums Rush ! (dump him)
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reader, becky05 +, writes (3 July 2005):
Just because its now legal doesn't mean you should do it. If you like him, go out with him, but if he starts pressuring you for sex when you don't feel ready tell him you'd rather wait till you are more serious. If he doesn't like this, dump him!
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female
reader, freedom +, writes (3 July 2005):
Let me make this short and to the point. One, if this boy has already talked about having sex with you before you go out, then what do you think he will expect when and if you do go out? Sex is something that the person you are involved with, in love with, and committed to talk about before it happens. You are not going to be without a boyfriend because you aren't ready for sex. That is silly!!!! Sex isn't about having a boyfriend. Boyfriends come into your life because they LIKE YOU, NOT WHAT THEY CAN OR CAN'T GET OUT OF YOU!! Also, this boy has no respect for you as a person. If you go out with him and have sex not only will he brag to everyone he deflowered you, but you will earn a reputation of being easy with the guys and a slut with the girls. You don't need that, and the guys who do have an interest in you will look elsewhere because they don't want to date a girl that has that reputation. This guy is a jerk and he won't have any reason to even talk to you again if you go out and have sex with him. He made it clear what he wants, and you need to make it clear to him that you don't want to have sex with him until you have been dating and are in a serious relationship. Please for the sake of all girls across the USA, PLEASE WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE READY AND LEAVE GUYS LIKE THAT ALONE!!!!
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (3 July 2005):
 What makes you think that, if you don't have sex with the first guy who asks, that you'll "never have a boyfriend"?
Is that all you think of you're worth? Are you just the life-support system for a vagina?
Don't you think that you might - just possibly - be interesting to talk to, have common interests with someone, have opinions that are thoughtful and profound, or be someone that other people like to have around because you're fun?
Of COURSE! Don't underestimate your own value, because that gives other people carte blanche to do the same thing to you, and to use you for whatever they can. Like pressuring you for sex because you think you have to, simply because they won't necessarily be arrested now.
And that's what worries me about your question. You're treating this matter of sex as if, now that you're old enough to have sex "legally", that you HAVE TO, or people will think less of you.
You don't have to have sex with anyone, and you're a very smart chickie to have worked out that you're not feeling ready yet.
So don't. If this guy leans on you for sex (On the *first date*?! If he did, he's a creep and a user for sure and you wouldn't be giving him a second chance.) tell him the truth: "No. I'm not ready for that."
If he drops you over that, then it's pretty clear what he was interested in, and it wouldn't have been your sparkling wit! (In case you missed the sarcasm, you wouldn't waste your time with a guy who only wanted you for sex, and didn't care about you personally, would you?)
Hopefully, this kid has asked you out because he admires you or likes something about you besides the fact that you're female and "legal". Go out with him, be prepared to have fun, and DO NOT have sex with him on the first date. Don't do it on the second or third, or even the 53rd date, if you're not ready. Don't have sex with anyone until you're totally ready and you think it's a wonderful idea ----- AND you have reliable contraception.
No, you're not the only one in the world who wasn't ready to have sex. You're just one of the few people to admit it.
You're a smart girl. Listen to your intuition!
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