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female
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anonymous
writes: I love a guy who is 1 year older than me for 5 years. We were students at that time. Now I am still studying and he is working.Recently he faced a very big financial problem. He does not want to communicate with me. He said no meeting or love till he attains success in his life. I miss him so much. I tried to call him but he scolded me. What should i do? I love him so much and I do not want to end this relationship. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2005): Sounds like a control freak to me. Any person, male or female, who would SCOLD someone (as if you're a child?) for reaching out to them in love is NOT WORTH your affection. I don't care if he's trying to establish himself in any particular way: it's incredibly patronizing of him to treat you as if you were subservient to what he wants, as if your feelings are inconvenient and wrong. How DARE he? Who does he think he is?? If this guy really loved you, it wouldn't matter that he hasn't established himself yet: he'd want you to be alongside him for support, friendship and sharing of both triumphs and disappointments. This egotist won't share. Ok? Read it again: he will NOT SHARE.If you can, find out how he treats his female relatives, particularly his mom, or the closest representation to her. This is the acid test of how men view women. This guy? ... ewwww.I'd tell him where to go so fast he wouldn't see the door as it whacks his behind on the way out. BUH-bye!You deserve a MAN, not a spoiled, snobbish little creep. I know you'll do better if you can find the courage to dump this loser.
A
female
reader, [email address blocked] +, writes (7 July 2005):
I think you should give him time to get his life together, even if just a few weeks. Try to let him come to you. If he really loves you back he will eventually realize that he needs your support through this tough time. When you are able to talk to him, express how you feel towards him let him know that you love him and you want to be there for him no matter what the situation. I know it's hard because I am going through a similar situation but just remember to be strong. Good luck, I hope the best for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2005): I have been in a few relationships in my time. And the one thing these relationships all had in common was: When the man in my life loved me..nothing, absolutely nothing, stopped him from contacting me, phoning me, spending special time with me. In reality, when a man loves a woman...he WANTS to be with her, irregardless of what type of stumbling blocks there are. I did have one experience, where the love was unrequited by him and it took me awhile to clue in. Like a dummy, I was in denial. He wouldn't answer my calls..he came up with numerous excuses to avoid me. I finally called it a day..went through the throes of heartache and moved on. We do survive these painful moments in life but we learn and progress through life, all the more wiser & savvier. This man of yours sounds like he's drifting away from you and can't tell you for fear of hurting you. The crazy thing, he's still hurting you with his actions. I just wish he'd be more honest. Not keep you hanging like this..it is so unfair of him to "play" with your emotions like that. Give it a rest for awhile...try to get out with friends and have some fun. Don't pine away for this man...you deserve so much better.
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reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (7 July 2005):
There was a male guest on Oprah's show who wrote a book, "He's not that into you."
When a man really loves a woman...NOTHING can distract him from being with her every chance he gets.
But when you call him...he Scolds you.
What message does that give you?
The man you speak of, has chosen money over you.
His priority is financial success...not Love.
He's not that into you...or you would be Number One !
He admits it himself..."no meeting and no love until he attains success."
Success has various definitions for people.
Some see success as "monetary wealth"
Some see success as "family & friends"
Some see success as "finding a life partner"
I would advise you decide YOUR definition of Success.
Then strive to find a man who shares your definition.
Relationships need a strong foundation to be built on.
If your core Values differ from the man you love, then you
will endure constant conflict & heartache for years to come.
Sever all communication from this man...give him a clear message that you will not accept being 2nd Fiddle.
If you continue to call him, he will continue to reject you & his scoldings may accelerate into hostility.
Tell yourself, "I AM NOT DESPERATE for a man who ignores me...I am special and important and I will find a man who will love, cherish & adore me"
Time will heal your wounds, sweetie.
All the best,
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reader, becky05 +, writes (7 July 2005):
You have to leave him until he sorts his mind out. Dont hang around waiting on him though, go out and get on with your life!
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A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (7 July 2005):
 I think you need to keep your distance for a while. Maybe contact him in a little while and see how things are going. Perhaps he feels pressured, but that isnt fair to you. Let him be for a while and then contact him telling him that you are still there and still care and would very much like to continue a relationship with him. The only trouble is you are now dangling on a string waiting for him, you need to focus and continue with your life as it isnt fair on you. Give him a shot in a wee while and see how the land lies... and then decide what to do.. i know its hard because you love him, but its even harder being rejected by someone you love.. you may need to move on and only time can tell on this one. But be true to yourself and what you want.
Take care x
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (7 July 2005):
 This man seems to believe that he's not worth your attention until he's a big success, which to him means making a lot of money. Because he's not a success yet, he thinks that he's worthless or that he's failed and that makes him unhappy.
That's too bad, because he's missing out on your love and support in the meantime, while he's pushing you away. I feel for you, dear. However, you can't change his mind, so all you can do is let him know that you care about him and that you're available to talk if he wants to.
I suggest that you send him a small card in the mail now and then. Write in your own handwriting that you're thinking of him and you know that he'll achieve his dream of success. Tell him a little about what's going on in your life with school. Leave your phone number and email address in the card, so he can contact you if he wants to. He'll know where you are and - even if he doesn't say so - he'll be pleased that you share his dream.
Other than that, you can only respect his wishes and hope that he realises what you have to offer him.
I know that you love him, but since he has said "no love", you should also be seeing friends and dating other men. Go out, have fun, live your life. If this man is interested in you, and he knows how to contact you, he will. But at least you won't waste your time waiting for him.
Good luck. I hope that this helps you.
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