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female
,
anonymous
writes: HiI'm 13 years old and there's a guy who's 15 years old in Year 10 who I'm in love with. We always se each other at school. He always stares at me and smiles at me. My friends are sure that he feels the same about me, but they don't think that he will ask me because of what his mates in his form would say. So do I make the first move? I know I really love him and he is the greatest looking guy ever. Please help me Asap because I only have 2 weeks left at school and I need to know quickly. Thanks!
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reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (6 July 2005):
No...do NOT make the first move.If he really wants to ask you out, he needs to overcome what his friends think & decide you are more important !If he does not make his move ...it's his loss !
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (3 July 2005):
 Hi hon,
I know that it feels like you're in love with this guy, but you don't know anything about him (What's his least favourite pasta dish? When was the last time his mother embarrassed him? What was the name of his first pet?) - so you can't be "in love" with him. What you feel is an attraction, a crush. And his smiling at you? It's likely that he's noticed you looking at him and he's enjoying the attention and feeling indulgent towards you.
I'm not dismissing the strength of your feeling, out of hand. I've been there, too. Not a week went by in Year 8 that I didn't have a crush on some guy. It felt the end of my world when they didn't understand my silent, pleading gaze... though when I look back now, I did tend to admire the guys I liked from behind a tree, a couple of hundred metres away. No wonder they never got the message!
But back to your problem. Guys at age 15 are terribly - not to put too fine a point on it - horrendously focussed on impressing their mates. Nothing is more important than demonstrating what a kewl dewd he is to his friends. Most 15-yo boys seem unwilling or unable to do a single thing that isn't already being done by the "alpha male" of their social group.
This is especially true of dating younger girls. They just can't imagine bridging the gap of years. One of two things is likely to happen if you ask this guy out: either he'll be a very nice guy and say "no, thanks", or he'll turn as red as a beet and give you the silent treatment, because he won't know what else to say. Neither is what you want, right? I just was to spare you some embarrassment.
Though the gap between you and him is large now, it will shrink with time, so by all means, keep smiling, show you're interested. Feel free to cultivate his friendship, particularly if you have common interests at school. At least that way you'll still get to see and socialise with him until such time as he can see beyond the edges of his own Year.
Hope this gives you some small insight.
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