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*londegal017
writes: I have this boyfriend, who I've been dating for 2 months now. We live in the same city, only about 15 minutes away from each other. This guy works a full time job Monday thru Friday until 4:30 pm each day. He gets home around 5. Well he has a this set schedule he has to follow each day, where he gets home, immediately eats dinner, works out sometimes and studies for a fire science class he two Saturdays a month. My problem is that I feel like I'm in a long distance relationship because I only get to see him on Saturdays and Sundays... I want to see him during the week. Every time I approach the matter he says things like "you know I can't hang out during the week" or "not during the week". This frustrates me because he can find time to watch TV and movies at home, or with his dad, but he can't find two hours once a week to watch one with me... and he has to eat dinner, so why can't we meet up once in the week and eat dinner for an hour? Basically what I'm asking is how can I approach the subject of us choosing one day a week that's convenient to both of us to hang out, even for just and hour or two without pissing him off or making him feel like I'm being pushy?
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reader, becky05 +, writes (2 July 2005):
when I first met my boyfriend, he had a very busy life too, at the time I felt the sae as you, why couldnt he spend more time with me? Gradually we began to see more of each other and have now been together for nearly 2 years. Ive asked him why he was so distant in the past and he said it was because he was so tired havingf to work; maintain his house; etc. I now realise the poor man must have been exhausted and I was lucky to have seen him at all, If your situation is the same in say 6 months time I would say its unacceptable, but I have since realised the slower the better in a relationship. We're now getting on better and better every day. Give him the space he needs and your relationship will build gradualy, believe me, it will be worth the wait!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2005): Sounds to me that either he has someone else, or that he just isnt that in to you. Either way its best to let him go. He doesnt want to spend that much time with you for a reason.
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (26 June 2005):
 To a certain extent I agree with "pops" (below), but you also have to consider that you should have known what you were getting into when you started dating this guy.
It's only been 2 months since you got together and it appears that his routines have been going on a lot longer than that, so you're the new factor is his life. He doesn't really have any obligation to change himself to suit you and it appears he doesn't want to.
Knowing that, you're in a clearer position to decide what you do next. If it were me, I'd be enjoying his company when I could, but not depending on this guy to be my 'steady'. He's as much as given you a picture of where you rate in his life, and that comes after his work and studies. It's not pretty to point that out, but you seem not to want to look at the bald facts, and you're making yourself unhappy over it.
Since he's not going to change himself for you, you can either see him on his terms or keep looking for man who values your company.
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reader, pops +, writes (24 June 2005):
You can't. Tell him he either changes "his Rules" or eats your dust. You are worrying about pissing him off, when he has already pissed you off? Come on ! Are you a doormat, or what? Its one thing to try to get along with someone new you meet, but its quite another to allow him to dictate all the terms of your relationship. Stand up for yourself.
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