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female
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*mber
writes:I am about to lose my virginity, but I would rather not tell the guy that it is my first time. Will he notice that I am a virgin? Please reply to this I need to know urgently. Thanks very much. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): Well, if you say that it hurts or you're uncofterble then yes he will. Just keep it smooth when having sex with the guy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2007): yes he would because if he goes to have sex with you and you get shy after all the time you spent together then hes going to know
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2005): i was a virgin until very recently. my boyfriend knew i was a virgin i told him all the time and he said he believed me but i had a reputation that convinced otherwise. we had sex and i was so scared i wouldnt know what to do but it just comes naturally. after a few times you get better and better. but my point is that after we were done, he asked me with all seriousness if i really was a virgin. he couldnt tell so im not sure your guy would either.
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reader, Shahriar +, writes (14 July 2005):
Dear reader, I have been had a lot of thought on the idea of losing one's virginity. I know that this will be a memorable experience for you, so whoever is your partner must be very special. I have been debating the issue of not losing my virginity until marriage in another forum. Some people like my thinking on the issue, so I will provide you with my last posts in that forum. If you want to see everything that was debated in that forum, post an answer, and I will provide you with a link. 2nd post (abridged: last paragraph)Yes, I have been given the opportunity to have sex while I was going to high school here, but I turned it down because I was not ready for marriage then. I wish puberty and the joy of teen youth and looks could be biologically delayed until one is ready for marriage, but God or evolution did not choose that for us. If it comes to having to grow old as a virgin than to compromise on the decision that I made as a teen going to high school here to stay a virgin for marriage, I would rather die a virgin. I value my virginity that much. But I rather not have to make that decision. Just as there are people who are willing to get married as non-virgins and live happily ever after, I wish the world "around" me would be diverse enough to have room for my dreams to come true on my terms so that I don't have to compromise on the decisions that I became resolute since becoming a teenager and finding out about sex here in the US. That one and special loving person who loves me and is willing to give me her virginity and take mine may exist, but how do I find her before I am too old? How do I find "you" while I am young, and even better, while I am going to college?3rd postBack in the days when they didn't have paper or much government institutions, when two people became adolescents, i.e., their sex drive turned on, as soon as the male learned a trade, he (a teenager himself) would start a married life with a girl in her young teens. This marriage act may have involved some tribal recognition. However, if they lived in isolated areas, the act of just coming together and living together would constitute marriage without any formal recognitions or parties to celebrate it--not everyone is rich even these days in poorer countries to throw a wedding. Amandine, you are correct that marriage is just a formality to what is already there for many people. I think, however, that not even a wedding or the signing of a paper contract is the real recognition of a life-long union between a man and a woman that love each other. I take the act of sex to be the natural recognition of their union, and all couples, rich or poor, in any part of the world can and do eventually have sex. Their first time is day one of their official union. This philosophy tends to be practical with what couples have done for marital status throughout recorded history including the relationships among people in western countries. It's more practical to call the first sexual encounter between a man and a woman day one of their union because (assuming they have not applied for formal governmental recognition) they can get out of it much easier and sometimes at a moments notice if their relationship does not work out. I know that many people cannot rely on the western biblical ways of getting recognition for their union because too many times these relationships breakdown for various reasons such as infidelity, domestic violence, different attitudes and expectations of life, etc. Therefore, let's recognize a couple’s first sexual encounter to be their real first day of marriage--regardless of whether it was just a one night stand, teen sex, or sex between two people who really love each other and are past their teens. However, instead of calling it marriage, which carries so much governmental formalities and burdens, society chooses to call it a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. The two partners may not often live together all the time as is the case between teenage couples because their parents are often willing to pay for their expenses which they cannot afford. Sometimes, they love each other enough and have so many things in common that their relationship does last past their teens and even their college days, and it will eventually end up in a formal marriage. The formal marriage, i.e., the wedding and the marriage certificate, is nothing more than governmental formality confirming what is already there: love, attraction, respect, and mutual interest. Amandine, this way of establishing a relationship is perfectly fine. Documents and ceremonies are not necessary to confirm a love relationship between two people. But notice that if you consider a relationship an informal marriage that has it consummation in the first sexual encounter, then the breakup of the relationship is the first informal divorce (a.k.a. breakup of the relationship) that the two formers partner experience for the first time in their life. This way of defining relationships should hold regardless of age--teenage or passed the 20th birthday. Teens or young officially unmarried couples that have engaged in unofficial relationships have done nothing wrong. First, most people in the past married as teenagers, especially since life expectancy was short. Additionally, teenage girls were usually the new moms in the past because, in the past, post-secondary or even primary education did not exist. What should a teen girl do: just sit home and get older in her father's home or get married? Well modern times have brought about the educational institutions that teens utilize to gain more skills to be more productive, but their evolutionary history has not made any adjustments to change the time of puberty. So people make the best of it in the western world: they engage in unofficial marriages beginning in their teens. Remember that I said it is not a real relationship until their first sexual encounter. And until they find the right match they go through many relationships (i.e., unofficial marriages) and breakups (i.e., unofficial divorces). I hope that they all find the right person that suits them best: the man or the woman of their dreams. Nonetheless, I am a jealous man. I did not refuse sexual offers in high school because I did not want sex or that I did not want a relationship or a love life. I also did not refuse past sexual offers because somehow I was planning on having my first sexual encounter with someone who has had other partners. I did not choose what I chose because I wanted her to be “experienced” (i.e., a non-virgin, an adult) and I be an “innocent child” (a virgin). During the course of our evolutionary history, selective events have tended to favor men that paid more attention about whether it was their genes that were being passed on to the next generation. Therefore, men tend to have (ok in my opinion at least) more biological inclinations toward jealousy. I told you in my previous posts that this male jealousy is universal To justify my assertion, I mentioned that many men get disgusted about flushing the urine bowl since they know that touching the lever brings their hands in contact with other men's urine, sperm, and semen. That idea tends to bother many of them, so they refuse to flush. But when it comes to sex, they defeat the wrath of their jealousy (biologically based or otherwise) and the images that are conjured up by the knowledge that their partner has been penetrated and enjoyed by other men by the thought that "I have done it with others too." Otherwise, why do they want to put their penises in a vagina that has had the sperm and semen of others poured all over it when they are not willing even to touch the lever of a urine bowl in a public restroom? And there are so many of you guys!!! (I do flush and do not suffer from the sexual thoughts when flushing or the obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) that ails some of you.) I have brought forth reasons to justify the relationships that teens and young couples get involved these days. From my reasoning, I hope that there is less condemnation of a young girl who gets pregnant and that the guy is encouraged to marry and love her for life because she is doing him a favor by being burdened with his child. If the guy is a coward and bails on her, society should force him to pay child support at least after his 18th birthday or face serious jail time. Amandine, I told you about my jealous nature. I guess in this world when I say that I want to fall in love with someone who is a virgin, I mean to say I want to fall in love with someone who, in addition to being caring and loving, has had the same ideas and desires as I do: to delay the "unofficial marriages and divorces" for later. In other words, I want to find someone who has the same sexual status as I do: virgin. If that is too much to ask, then I am not fit for any relationship, and I have realized that and I will accept that. The thoughts that I am a loser because I hit a dead end (i.e., I refused the sexual offers in the past only to settle down for less than what I had planned as a child and a young teen) bother my conscience greatly. I rather stay a virgin for life. I know that for me love and virginity have to come together because I am a jealously virgin man; I cannot compromise on this point regardless of the consequences. I told you what is on my mind and how I have come about to this way of thinking for which I am resolute. My choice is both instinctive and personal. Nevertheless, I don't want to stay alone and a virgin for the rest of my life, but no one around me that I know fits the criteria that I want. For me, finding someone that is a match seems to get more and more difficult if it isn't impossible already.
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female
reader, loveless_2008 +, writes (11 July 2005):
yes he will know it is your frist time because when yall start to do it it will hurt because it is your frist time and he can feel that you are tight.
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reader, pops +, writes (9 July 2005):
Talk about a pedestrian walking in front of a speeding freight train. Why would you not want to let your BF know you are a virgin? Do you think he won't figure it out pretty quick? Love making is too serious to leave to gropes and chance, lady. Before you become lovers, please sit down with him in some neutral place( clothes on, no bed in sight) like a restaurant, where you can find a booth away from everyone and ask the waitor for some privacy. Set the ground rules. You will each be able to ask the other anything about sex, and both agree to answer truthfully, and candidly. No question will go unanswered, and " I don't know., if it is true, is an acceptable answer.
Then have that meeting, and ask him. Are you a virgin? Expect him to ask you if you are a virgin? Ask about masturbation, birth control, STDs, positions, prior sexual experiences, sexual experiences he would like to try, how and where he likes to be touched, what turns him on, does he like manual stimulation, oral sex, sexual intercourse, anal intercourse? If he's not a virgin, what expereinces has he had, and what did he like? Dislike? Expect to answer all these kinds of questions. I asked my wife if she was a virgin, and she said " No. " I then said, " Good !" She was surprised and said so. I told her that if I never slept with another virgin it would be too soon. It was too much trouble when I slept with a couple of virgins when I was younger, and I prefer to have sex with women who have some idea of what they are doing, and how to pleasure themselves and me. They can then teach me how to pleasure them, and rest assured that I will tell them what I like. Considering the physical pain, and possible bleeding that may occur the first time you have intercourse as a virgin, you owe it to your BF to tell him you are a virgin. Then he can prepare to be extra careful, and also understand that if you start showing blood, its not because he is being too rough on you. pops
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (9 July 2005):
 Short answer: he'll probably know. Or at least suspect. It depends on how much sexual experience HE has.The first reason he's likely to guess that you're a virgin is that first-time sex for a woman isn't always a transcendental experience and it can be a little uncomfortable. Your physical reactions to the minor discomfort that you'll probably feel at first is going to be a giveaway.The second reason is that, because you haven't HAD sex before, you're going to be a bit unsure what to do, how to act etc. That's natural and expected and nothing to worry about. But it's another pretty big flag that you're a newbie.But, hey. So what? Why do you want to pretend that you're experienced when you're not? Most guys would think they'd hit the jackpot to be having sex with a virgin - I suspect it's a situation up there in the Top Ten Male Fantasies of all time. You're a little Tick in his mental tally board!So don't worry about being a virgin. Everybody is one, once. Besides, if you tell him - and he's a sensitive man and cares about you! - he will probably go a lot more gently and carefully, to try to ensure that you enjoy your first experience.Last thought: if you don't feel comfortable telling this guy that you're a virgin before you have sex with him, then are you really in a relationship that's ready for the added pressures of sex?P.S. Bring your own condoms and DO NOT let him talk you into sex without them!
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