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writes: My boyfriend wont answer my emails, texts, messages - what should I do? We have been together 10 years and I am away for 6 weeks for work. He hates it when I am away but we planned to keep in touch so we'd could check in and know we were both OK. He wont speak to me and I feel really rejected and am scared about what is happening to our relationship.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2005): I understand 100% what you are going through. Last week my usually loving, adoring, trustworthy boyfriend went AWOL. I was frantic with worry, phoning his family, landlandy and all the hospitals trying to trace. Eventually I rang and he told me he had been in a family crisis and in hospital with a member of his family all night. I understood this, but was still furious for him not calling to let me know he was ok. Since then he will not answer his phone or texts, and stood me up when he was supposedly meeting me. I know that he's OK, as I've spoken to his landlady and she says he's absolutely fine. I am furious that somebody who supposedly loves and adores me could put me through this, but I truly believe that men do not understand that it is common courtesy to inform their partners if they fail to make a date, or have promised to call. My heart truly goes out to you. You must be feeling awfully helpless, frustrated and angry. Busying yourself with work will hopefully take your mind off matters for a period of time. Once you accept that there is nothing you can do until your return, you will feel in better control of the situation. If your mind does start wandering towards him, use this constructively to draw up a list of points to discuss with him when you next meet. Upon your return, have it out with him and lay down some ground rules when it comes to keeping in touch when away. No man is worth getting stressed and physcially ill over. If he does it again, hopefully you will then know where you stand. How can somebody who loves you so much put you through so much worry, uncertainty and heartache?I hope it all works out for you.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (27 June 2005):
 Did you have some clue when you left, that he was going to do this to you? Is it out of character for him to be unreachable?
If you're seriously concerned about him and/or worried that he's in some sort of strife, then why not try to contact a family member or friend to check in with him and just make sure he's OK? Failing that, the local police will usually go and tap on a person's door and enquire if he's all right, if you request a "concern for welfare" check.
However, if you just think that he's "punishing" you for having to be away from home for your work commitments, I'd put this out of your mind until you get back.
If you suspect he's only jerking your chain because "he hates it" when you have to go away with your job, then your attempts to contact him are only going to prove to him that this is the way to get the most attention and to be the biggest thorn in your side.
If in fact this is just an attempt to get back at you because he wants you to be miserable, then I'd question seriously the wisdom of continuing a relationship with him. Unless he learns to demonstrate his unhappiness in more constructive ways, you can look forward to more tantrums like this one, any time he feels justified. In that case, I'd be suggesting couples counselling, at the very least.
Good luck, dear.
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