A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:okay dont judge me, but I know this guy who i met through work, we became friends but our friendship went to friends with benefits. we have been like that for about 3 years now. but recently i met this new guy at my new job who i thought was insanely cute we would talk be cool with each other. he had a girlfriend so i kept my distance. couple months later they broke up,and we ended up hanging out but one thing lead to another... i went home super pissed at myself like what did i do?.so now i want to know should i tell my friend with benefits? i dont know if its because we have been doing it for a few years, i already felt like crap, but the thing that made me feel even worse is that i felt like i cheated on him and we're together like that. i dont what do to or how to feel about it. any advice?
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 March 2015):
 There's no such thing as cheating on an FWB. The primary feature of FWB is No Strings. That means you could sleep with a thousand people and it's not considered cheating.
You do not need to tell your FWB about your other activities. Again, NO STRINGS attached. If your FWB had wanted an actual relationship, you wouldn't be FWB, but boyfriend and girlfriend in an exclusive relationship.
However, if you feel guilty in the FWB, you must ask yourself whether or not you've developed feelings for him. That is not good in an FWB to have attachment feelings. How do you feel towards this second guy you just met? Any boyfriend material there, or was it just no-strings fun like with your current FWB??
You've done nothing wrong. But I sense potential hurt if you're overly attached emotionally to your FWB.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2015): Am I missing something here?FWB usually means just that, nothing else. You can't be jealous of any girls he dates/sleeps with (even if the arrangement has been ongoing for 3 years,which I must say is unusual!)The only thing is (from my viewpoint)-what you did was kinda rude. I mean, yes, sleep with whoever you want but at least let the FWB guy know first (I mean,I'd expect the same from any FWB of mine-they met a girl they like,want to date etc.-ok,man, cool,let me know and keep moving).Apart from being more respectful,it's also better for you and him (!!). Because it decreases the chances of STDs (I mean for me, one of the main reasons for the existence of FWB in the first place...)Ok,now it's too late for the correct course of action though. I'd say, simply say that you've met someone you fancy and your arrangement has now come to an end.Don't say why/who/where as you were not together (and you must have a good reason for that after 3 years!!) so you don't owe him any explanations.The FWB thing is just for convenience-either side can walk when they wish.I'd strongly advise you to get an STD panel though-for your own peace of mind...(as that does not seem the kinda of FWB where you know what's going on and he knows what's going on...)Good luck with your new relationship.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 March 2015):
 FWB means FRIENDS you sleep with.
he is not your boyfriend and he has no claim to you if all you are is FWB...
do you want to be more than FWB with the guy? if so you need to talk to him about it... if you don't then maybe it's time to end the benefits part of the friendship.
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (19 March 2015):
 First and foremost, please excuse me for being out dated. Is there such a thing as cheating on your FWB? My definition of FWB is two people, no feelings, no strings attached, come together for sex and only sex. Hence couldn't you have more than one FWB partner?
I guess if you're in an exclusive FWB relationship and you feel you cheated on the guy, you can be honest and up front and tell him. He may or maynot be disappointed in you. He may ask if you used condoms with the other guy to see if he'll be at risk for STD.
Do you have feelings for this FWB guy?
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A
female
reader, lions go rawr +, writes (19 March 2015):
Friends with Benefits usually indicates that you aren't exclusive, and are open to doing it with other people. You're not boyfriend/girlfriend, merely friends who have casual sex to mutually satisfy one's needs until one of you settles down.
I'm willing to bet he's done it with other girls besides you. But that's ok unless you two decided to be exclusive. If it really eats you up, ask about FWB boundaries and get clarification on what he's ok with.
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