A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I cheated on my girlfriend with this skank from work that everybody slept with. She knew I had a girlfriend I loved and it was just sex. She wanted me to be with her but that would never happen. She told me she was pregnant and my world ended. My girlfriend read texts where I was telling skank to get rid of the baby and it broke her heart. I hurt the woman I love so bad and hate myself for it. She left me and won't talk to me. I got a letter saying if I didn't stop contacting her I'll end up in court. Skank said no to gitting rid of baby and tried to force me to accept this. Everyone said get dna test done before paying money to her. Its good thing I did the test because it not my kid. Im happy its not mine but mad because I lost my girlfriend behind this. I want to let my girlfriend know its not my kid so hopefully she will come back to me but I don't want to end up in court. Any suggestions?
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female
reader, mrspiggy  +, writes (18 March 2015):
 You lost your girlfriend because you cheated, not because of a baby.This other girl was single, you were the one that had a girlfriend you 'loved'. Stop blaming other people for mistakes you made.
Do NOT contact your girlfriend. She doesn't want you to. And frankly she deserves better. I believe the 'skank' deserves better too.
Learn from this and grow. Move on.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 March 2015):
 1. She is NOT your GF, she is your EX GF.
2. She dumped you.
3. You NEED to understand that when your EX GF says, DO NOT CONTACT ME, you NEED to respect her and what she is saying.
NO MEANS NO. And when you DO NOT respect a NO it's CONSIDERED harassment. Same goes for DO NOT contact me. IT IS harassment.
You can BE as mad at the co-worker you slept with as you want. BUT.... IT was YOUR actions and YOUR words that made your EX GF end it with you. YOU ACTED like a monster, an arrogant ass - your EX GF decided that NOPE that is not someone she can see herself with. She knows that you have LITTLE regard for women, for life and that you are not to be trusted...
So you have 2 choices.
1. LEAVE your EX GF alone, OWN your actions and LEARN from your unacceptable behavior.
2. LEAVE YOUR EX GF ALONE and keep blaming others for your actions.
Choice #1 might in DUE time lead to you another girl who will date you, care about you and maybe even love you.
Choice #2 will not.
Let's for a minute put the shoe on the other foot. Let's say you have a GF and that she cheats on you. It's JUST sex, and it was ONLY a few times. And oh, she got pregnant. Could be your child, could be this or that dude's child. Would you forgive and forget? Or would you run for the hills?
LEAVE your EX GF alone.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (18 March 2015):
You need to STOP calling her your girlfriend! She is not your girlfriend! She broke up with you. She does not need your permission to do so. Newsflash: if one person wants to end a relationship, that relationship is over, period, end of story.
I honestly can see why you are being threatened with court action. I would be creeped out if someone I broke up with continued to act as though we were still an item and referred to me as his girlfriend.
Dude, salvage what little dignity you have left and let it go. Act like a man and not a petulant, entitled BOY.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 March 2015):
 Your ego is out of control.
You destroyed your relationship with a loving girlfriend because you wanted cheap and easy sex from a co-worker.
Co-worker wanted more than sex from you, but you just wanted to use her. You had sex with her more than once, so you didn't feel guilty for hurting your girlfriend the first time you did it...only because you got caught.
Your co-worker got pregnant, and you pressured her to get rid of the baby. Then you were caught. Your ego got bruised because you weren't the only one the co-worker was having sex with. You were pissed off to the point of calling her misogynistic names.
Your girlfriend ended things with you, but your ego can't accept it, so you applied the pressure so much that she had to threaten you with court before you backed off.
You still think that you should get with her just because the child turned out not to be yours.
What makes you think you deserve your girlfriend anyways?? You would only cheat on her again. You would only hurt her again. You simply are upset because she doesn't want anything to do with you. If you were truly sorry about what you did to her, you'd accept that she would be happier without you and you'd let her go. To keep trying to "win her back" with not even a hint of you changing shows that you keep missing the entire point.
What if your girlfriend had gotten pregnant with another man's baby?? Would it matter if she called the other guy "manwhore" or "pig"? No! All you would think of is someone else's hands all over your girlfriend. What makes what you did something she should just forgive you and take you back over??
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2015): Im back. I was wrong to call her a skank. I'm just angry because she knew it wasn't my kid or at least could be some other guys kid too. She acted like it could only be my kid and like we had a real relationship cause we had sex a couple of times. I know I'm a jerk. My girlfriend thinks I'm a monster for the abortion thing and called me evil so I guess she feels the same way as everyone here. I guess I should just move on but I can't. I just need some hope that I can win her back no matter how small.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (17 March 2015):
While you may have not done the right thing, you should have respect for others before thinking you deserve respect or even a second chance. Calling a woman a skank is not decent on your part, and the more you choose to call the woman this, only looks bad on your part. I think you've missed the point of your girl friend breaking up with you because your thoughts only seem to revolve around yourself. Whatever the outcome of this situation, I hope you don't make the same mistake again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2015): Well, what goes around comes around. Cheating on someone you love, is the quickest way I know to lose them! You've met your karma young man! You dipped your wick, and and pulled out a whole lot of nasty trouble!
Why is she the skank, when you're the one who cheated on the woman you loved? You lost your girlfriend; because you're a cheater. That's more on you than the woman you keep referring to in that hideous context. That makes you a skank-banger?!!! A skank-mongering cheat!
Enough with the name-calling. I was just making a point. It makes me no better than you to say unkind things to someone who just got a major kick in the balls. Well-deserved, I might add!
You don't see the point. Your girlfriend left, because you betrayed her trust with someone you look down on. You devalued her feelings and squandered her trust; by throwing away your commitment for casual-sex. According to you, the woman is just someone everyone messed around with. Somehow you don't see what light that puts you in. You're a guy, so that's okay? You had everything to lose, and nothing to gain by cheating. Hindsight is 20/20!
Anyway, that's why your girlfriend left you. Life taught you a valuable lesson. You had unprotected/unsafe sex with a woman you consider promiscuous; and exposed your girlfriend to whatever nasty STD you could have picked-up in the process! I hope you used condoms with your EX-girlfriend at least. There is a 99.99% chance you don't bother, or you wouldn't have had a pregnancy-scare from another woman.
Apart from that, you shouldn't speak of women using such terminology; because it doesn't reflect well on you as a man. You can't control your urges, and you lost your girlfriend because of it. There's an endless list of names women could call you! I can only imagine what your girlfriend thinks of you!
"Rid of the baby???!" It's not some dirty little parasite, or a case of head-lice. She'd have to live with that decision; even if it doesn't bother you. Your EX-girlfriend must have been shocked at the choice of words, as well as your indifference!
I strongly suggest that you leave her alone like she asked you to. Move on. You took a risk that blew-up in your face.
Not to mention the gossip swirling around on your job!!!
Don't put-down the woman YOU cheated with; because you're no better than she is. Even WORSE! She's single and free to do whatever she wishes. You made a conscious-choice, and paid a hefty price. In fact, your ex-girlfriend may have ducked a bullet. You've got confirmed cheating-tendencies, and you're very disrespectful of women. You showed even less regard for the woman you love; by betraying her, and blaming it all on the other person. How dumb do you think she is? You don't seem to own any responsibility for any of this. You simply dismiss it because you're a guy!
Dude, seriously?!!
What name would you have for your girlfriend, had she cheated on YOU?!!
I'm glad you're very young. You've got plenty of time to learn the error of your ways and change. Were you an older-man, there would be little room for change; and learning would be even much harder. The advice you're receiving from us will give you food for thought. You need to feel your pain full-throttle. If anyone needs comforting, it's your EX-girlfriend. She loved you too, that's why she's so hurt. But better off!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (17 March 2015):
 Mate, you need to take a good, long look at yourself.
What was your behaviour like for your ex girlfriend to threaten you with court action?
And if the girl who thought she was pregnant is a skank, what does that make you, SHE wasn't lying to a partner or cheating without using protection, that makes YOUR behaviour worse than that of the person you are so quick to label a skank.
As for your ex girlfriend, you not being the father of the baby doesn't make you any less of a liar or a cheat, your telling the other girl by text to "get rid of the baby" wouldn't have helped your cause either.
You cheated and were caught out. Your ex girlfriend isn't interested in your excuses or you.
Accept you blew it and try to learn from the experience so that you don't make the same bad decisions in the future.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2015): Your "skank" didn't put a gun to your face demanding your penis in her. You chose to screw her yourself and it wasn't "just sex" but a betrayal of your girl. In fact, if you knew the "skank" sleeps around, you placed your GF in danger of STD by having sex with that woman.
You are lucky that you are not the daddy and are spared financial obligation over few strokes and a 15 second orgasm.
As for telling your ex about the baby, you could always have someone you know send her a massage that you are clear. Will that help you get your ex back? Who knows.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 March 2015):
Oh man, if I could just copy this post for all the women who contemplate cheating with married men or men with girlfriends to show them what these guys really think of them. Why are you calling her a skank? She didn't cheat...YOU did. It's not about you possibly getting a girl pregnant, it's because you didn't love your girlfriend! Who could just sleep with another woman like it was nothing if they loved their girlfriend??
That's why you are alone now. And you better stop contacting her! If she's threatening court on you, that means you're STALKING her like a creep! Listen to her wishes and leave her alone. What does it matter if the kid is or isn't yours? You blew the relationship by sleeping around, and you're still not sorry for doing it. You're still putting yourself before her. She won't take you to court unless you keep bothering her!
That's another thing. You're pressuring the other woman you slept with to "get rid of the baby"?? What is wrong with you?? If you sleep around, pregnancy is a risk you take. Were you not wearing protection??
Your girlfriend is gone. The sooner you come to grips with the fact that you blew up your relationship with no hope of reconciliation, the better. What she saw was worse than you simply having an affair. She saw the really ugly side of you - telling another woman to get rid of her baby.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (17 March 2015):
Frankly, you sound like a bit of a skank yourself.
Leave your poor ex girlfriend alone, she deserves better.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 March 2015):
 I agree with honeypie.
just because you are not the father does not mean you are blame free.
Your gf did NOT dump you because you fathered a child.
she dumped you for your bad judgement and selfishness.
and calling a woman a skank does not absolve you from bad judgement. WHY in the world would you think your ex gf would take you back just because you dodged the bullet and are NOT the baby's father?
and if you are contacting her that much (the ex gf) that she had to threaten a PO.. then dude get a grip and leave the ex alone... she's serious about not taking you back due to your
a. bad judgement
b. cheating
c. ability to callously suggest an abortion of a baby
clearly you two have very different ideas on how to run a life and she wants no part of yours.
move on.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (17 March 2015):
 You've been warned. But you just don't get it.
Let me lay it out to you so you can get your mind around this concept. You Cheated. You were in a committed relationship with your girlfriend but you went and had a fling on the side with a girl that you never respected. To you it was "just sex" To your girlfriend it was betrayal of everything she loved. If she kisses you she is thinking did he kiss her like that? If you buy her flowers she thinks did he buy flowers for her? You have poisoned every part of a relationship with your girlfriend by sharing your intimacy with someone else.
Your former girlfriend (betrayed partner) does not want to see you, hear your voice, get a text from you, reconcile with you, because it HURTS.
You in some misguided way think that you got lucky with a paternity test, you can get lucky with your ex. Here is the news, it's not your DNA she is jealous of. It is the intimacy that you promised to share only with her. And, as much as she used to want that, it is all ashes to her now.
The sooner you learn this the better chance you have of having a future successful relationship.
FA
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 March 2015):
You know, you can call this co-worker SKANK and whatever else you want, but you, MISTER are the ONE who CHEATED on your GF. The co-worker is NOT responsible for YOUR cheating or YOU losing your GF.
You were a cheater who had UNPROTECTED SEX with a co-worker and you blame the chick?
If you DIDN'T WANT a pregnancy from sex you should have either KEPT it in your pants or USED a condom.
If the DNA results show you are NOT the baby-daddy SHE CAN'T take you to court. (except of you keep harassing her). And if it's a homemade DNA test Child Support Services won't acknowledge it. THEY will SET up another test. Their TEST will then determine who pays CS. If the first test was done right, there should be NO ABSOLUTELY no possibility for her to try and "pin" the baby's paternity on you.
However, I don't really think THE BABY is what made your GF walk away from your relationship. IT was your disrespect for the relationship. JUST sex is NOT OK for MOST people in monogamous relationship. YOU GF won't CARE about the DNA, she is done with dating a cheater (aka you).
Stop blaming the co-worker and move on.
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (17 March 2015):
Jeez, I really hope this is a troll but I'll answer the question just in case. OP, you lost your girlfriend because you couldn't keep it in your pants. It's as simple as that. It might not have been your baby, but you still lied, cheated and tried to force this woman to get an abortion! Please tell me you can see why your girlfriend doesn't want anything to do with you now?
There is no fixing this, all you can do is learn from your experiences and never do it again with your next girlfriend. Oh and stop blaming/name calling the other woman. Most woman would run a mile from someone who refuses to take responsibility for his own actions and trash talks other women like that.
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