A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:In the next 2-3 years, my plan is to move country and seek employment elsewhere. I've always envisioned working and living in America and now I that I have my degrees, am gaining experience in my field and saving money to travel - I feel like this goal could really become a reality. My issue is I've been with my boyfriend for the past 5 years. I'm not from the UK but he is - I first came over to study and work six years ago. I'm 25 and he's 27. To a point he's always known that I may not want to set roots down in the UK - and to be honest, I don't. He's said that he wouldn't leave the country. And neither of us have faith in a long distance relationship - it wouldn't work.So, if I see myself moving 2-3 years from now and he won't - do we continue in a relationship we know will end? Do we keep seeing each other in what is for the most part a good relationship or are we just wasting each other's time? I care about him deeply but I'm really ambitious and still want to travel and live in America. I just don't know how to handle this - please advise.
View related questions:
ambition, long distance, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (16 March 2015):
 If you are with him forever then yes it's time to end it as forever is when you move and he does not.
IF you two are together because it's good and you have fun, then I can't see why you don't stay as long as you can.
AS long as you know this is just till you leave and he wont' follow... of course 2-3 years is a long time and he may change his mind. it's a risk you have to take if you want to leave AND stay with him.
IF you know leaving will hurt too much then by all means end it now.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2015): Yes, you're wasting each other's time+ you're only increasing the amount of hurt you'll experience when you have to leave (and you kinda really have to-it's your dream! Follow it!)If there is no compromise on both sides, it can't work anyway.IF he were to say: "Ok,we can go to X,Y, Z,but when we decide to have a family, I'd like to go back to the UK", you at least have a conversation starter...I find it's really difficult in those situations (because it's unfair and a big compromise whichever way you do it),but I do think it can work...It's just very complicated... I mean my cousin (I admire her marriage actually) lived and worked in Germany, where she met her now husband (two lovely cherubs were added to the family with the years :) The oldest is now 5).They decided to go back to his country (Latvia), she learned his language et al. BUT he also learned hers, our traditions etc. and I must say he is very respectful of them.Also, they do not live in her country of origin BUT he knows she loves her birthplace so they bought a place there too and go back every summer for as long as they can...As long as he's willing to adapt with you, to grow with you etc.=good. If he is "take it or leave it", well...leave.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2015): Well, the scale seems tilted to end it. He's not leaving.
Whether a relationship continues or ends, is based on how two people feel about each other right now. It should last as long as they are happy being together.
He doesn't seem to share your dreams. Relationships should not rest on complacency, nor subsist on convenience. You care for him deeply, but you did not say you love him. It seems you want out already. If you were in-love with this man, there would be no question when or whether to end it. You must end it when love is no longer the reason you want to be together.
I your goals in life are more important to you; and the relationship will not grow with you, then end it.
...............................
|
