A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have asked a e few questions on here now and always got mixed answers though I think its a great site just to air your feelings. . . . . My question is with the fact you get so many mixed messages is a case your just getting what people are telling you from there emotional state hence mixed messages?I not sure now what advice to take if any, I mean you can only give a brief encounter of your event but the other person might see it totally diff in there eyes. I do really like the advice I get though its just knowing whether to use it or not?
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (29 August 2009):
 An honest opinion from a stranger is an objective opinion. It may not be right for you, and free advice is just that.
I have seen people go to life coaches, relationship coaches, counseling, and therapy and still not resolved their issues.
Sometimes the only thing you can do is measure other peoples' opinions against your own heart.
What you know deep inside yourself is the answer to your question.
Shakespeare is often quoted as saying, "To thine own self be true".
There is no other person who can answer your question but you. You ultimately decide. Putting decisions in other peoples' hands is risky at best.
That does not mean you cannot weigh what they are saying. But taking into account what they see, you will be able to consider those as options.
A
male
reader, Perspicacious +, writes (29 August 2009):
Although there are some questions posted where the answer appears obvious to every respondent, in most cases they will provoke a variety of replies.The replies will differ because (to pick a few amongst many reasons) they may have read something different into the brief information provided by the questioner, have had a life experience that influences their opinion one way or other, believe they are being helpful about a situation they actually know little about, or indeed are responding emotionally rather than rationally.The onus is on the questioner to try and decide what, if any, of the advice offered they are going to take. This can be difficult because they often have little way of judging which factors are influencing each suggestion.One feature of the site which seems underused are the "Followups" in my opinion. If the original poster replies to their own question it is flagged as a followup and generates an alert for those that have replied. This allows the poster to provide more information in light of the answers given, or indeed ask questions of those who have replied. If more people used this system perhaps they would be able to begin to separate the good from the bad advice and make a more informed decision about what they should do next.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2009): I think it's good to consider all of the advice you are given, even if at first glance you don't like it. It could be that they have struck a nerve, but it could be exactly what you need to hear, even if it's not what you want to hear.
Nobody really knows exactly how a situation is for another person. So really, only the person going through it can decide what to do.
I think you should consider all of the perspectives you have been shown, and then do what feels right for you, whether it is what someone has said, or whether it is just what you think. It doesn't matter.
I do believe that, deep down, we all have the answers we seek to our own problems. But sometimes we can't see them, or we struggle to find them. So using this site can help prompt you into figuring things out for yourself.
But ultimately, I think you just have to follow your own instincts and do what you feel is right for you. Deep down, you know what to do. You just have to reach in and find the answers. And that's what the people on dearcupid are here to help with: to help people find those answers within themselves.
Just my thoughts anyway! x
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (29 August 2009):
 You're instincts will hopefully tell you if you should use the advice given. Sometimes an answer can just give someone that second opinion of what they already knew?
I think its a case of most the time there really is no 1 single answer though? Thats why they will vary. I mean, If someone asks why their partner is cheating for example, there will be looooads of different reasons why they could be cheating. And I do think a lot of people will give an opinion besed on experience, from the heart so to speak. So why one persons partner cheated, will be different to why anothers did etc.
Then you get the book worms, that read read and read more on relationships, psychology, how the mind works.
Then you get the wannabe counsellors like me lol Go to a few lessons, then come on places like this!
I agree though, I think its a fab site. Its ideal for opinions, but obviously no good if you want facts. I reckon most people that post questions dont want facts?
The ones that do, will be the ones that dont come back I guess.
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