A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a crush on a bartender at the hotel I used to work at. The last time I talked to him he was blatantly flirting with me, but I had a boyfriend at a time and I deflected his advances although I was attracted to him. I haven't worked at that hotel in about 6 months, but today I had to go there for another job and I saw him when I was walking through the kitchen. I was talking with another former coworker at the time so I just waved when I noticed him looking at me. I'm kicking myself now that I didn't go back and talk to him. I've been single for a few months and I wish I would have gotten to know him better when I had the chance. The sad thing is, I don't even remember his name! All I know is that he's tall and incredibly good looking. Do you think it would be weird if I were to go to the bar as a customer in an attempt to talk to him? If I did go, how could I do it without appearing stalker-ish? If I do talk to him at the bar, how can I find out if he's single? Is this just a silly fantasy that I should forget about?
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male
reader, Perspicacious  +, writes (4 September 2009):
I don't think going in one evening as a customer would appear stalker-ish at all. Perhaps going in every night for a fortnight would, but that's another story!
Of course, you'll have to have prepared a reason for being there as if you do strike up conversation with him he is bound to ask. Why not arrange to meet a friend there before going on elsewhere, that way you could arrive a little bit early to have the chance to talk to him before hand?
As for finding out if he is single, just ask him. If you are chatting generally then there is no harm in asking how his love life is going and if he is flirting then you can easily say something like "I hope you don't have a girlfriend talking to me like that?"
It seems to me that you have nothing to lose, and who knows what the outcome might be? You may as well go for it!
Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): That's not remotely stalkerish! I say, good plan. Get a couple of girls to go with you, so it just looks like that was where the 3 of you ended up that night, not you hanging round alone. 2 friends is perfect - they can talk to each other while you (hopefully) talk to him and it's not too big a group to look intimidating if he wants to come up to you. I wouldn't ask if he's single, but by the sound of it he is and will make it pretty clear he'd like to get to know you some more. Failing that, is there any chance you can work it so you get to go there again for work?
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