A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and have lived together for a few months. Recently I found out he was wearing ladies underwear, not because he told me but because I found them. I confronted him about them and he told me he didn't know why he got them, but he just liked wearing them. I felt conflicted, I loved him and when I looked at things logically, it wasn't that he didn't love me, or that he was gay. We love each other, we have a good sex life, and when it came down to it, what was really wrong with him wearing ladies things? Nothing. It may not be acceptable to society but if I loved him, I could get over it, right?Well, now I've found out he's been buying panty hose, dresses, skirts, normal womens clothing. I feel very uncomfortable by this, it seems like a step beyond just undergarments. Again, he hasn't told me what he was buying, I just found them. I don't know if really it's my business for him to tell me every thing he buys (I wouldn't feel a need to know if he bought a t-shirt, right?) but I feel uncomfortable again and I don't know how to feel or think. I wish I could accept it and move on, but right now I am having a hard time doing that. Will it pass over time? A secondary thing that bothers me is he is unemployed (laid off last month) and he is buying a lot of stuff. It's $20 here, $5 here, but it all adds up and since we are living together, it all falls on me if he can't pay a bill. But, we aren't married so I think it also kind of feels I shouldn't tell him what to do. Right now I just feel confused, lost, and have no idea what to think or do...
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male
reader, Perspicacious  +, writes (3 September 2009):
The first step to accepting something is to begin to understand it. Men that crossdress fall into two broad categories, and their motivations are very different.
If he does it because it turns him on then he is a fetish crossdresser, whereas if he does it because it makes him feel happy, relaxed, and so on then he is probably transgendered to some degree.
If this is something he has just started doing (or more likely just started doing a lot more) since being laid off then there could also be a lot of escapism thrown into the mix as well - someone with transgendered tendencies can find that times of stress / depression etc increases their need to crossdress.
Until you know roughly why he does it, it is hard to offer advice as to what you do next.
If it's a kink then you can easily set the boundaries that you are happy with and expect him to respect those, for example. You can view it as something he just wants to do.
On the other hand, if he is transgendered then it is more something that he needs to do - which is harder to deal with, and he is more likely to need your help and support to some degree.
There are a lot of excellent resources on the internet that deal with this subject as well as sites offering support and help for both crossdressers and their partners.
One such place is the forum at http://rosesforum.tv/ though there are plenty of others too.
Good luck!
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (2 September 2009):
 Some men enjoy cross-dressing and probably if you want to handle this thing right, you might want to encourage him to do this with you rather than having him hide in a closet somewhere.
His unemployment is triggering a need to satisfy something so he won't be depressed.
Tell him to stop buying this stuff, and at least model it for you. Indulge him and reward him for being good. In other words you want him to feel comfortable with his fetish AND you.
I know its weird but if you do truly love him, then he needs to know he can be himself around you, even if society doesn't approve of his tendencies to wear womens' clothes.
This will help curb his shopping habits. I know like I said its weird. But he is who he is and if you love him, then its just a part of him that goes with the rest of the package.
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