A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ive struggled to barley even say this, so i really do apolagize if it gets a little long. Ive just run out of people to turn to! And i need to talk to someone. Sorry.Im now 17, and i was with a guy for almost 18 months, aged 14-15, but at 15 we found out i was pregnant and yes it was a huge shock! we had aways been so careful, it took time but we finally came round to the idea, he was 18 so worked and we could just about manage, we had just told our parents about it and no they wernt too happy but then at 11 weeks, i lost the baby.It was so devastating, broke us both and caused us to break up, i got myself into a terrible state, was depressed, had to see doctors and councilers, but after almost a year things were looking up, i left school last may, got myself a job, got into a decent routine and was earing a fair bit, i met a nice guy in october and we started going out. Things were going well.For about 8 months it went great, but he wanted different things to me, i was more interested in starting collee this year, sorting my life out at 16. Whereas he was 19 and wanted to spend his like drunk, and was clearly only after sex, so i finished with him. I began to sink back into depression, but my amazing friends picked me up, and kept me up! But then on july 30th, i was 'raped' is the only way to put it, i hate using that word, but i was out at a houseparty and a friend of a friend of a friend spiked my drink and forced me into bed, basicly. although i do remember him ontop of me, not letting me go, i dont remember anything after leaving the party crying!I missed a period last month, ive never felt so ashamed, embarrassed or discusted with my self ever! i never told anyone about what he did, well i told my best friend, but no one else knows! after tryin to convince myself my period is just late, it never came, so i took a pregnancy test last night, and it came back positive! :'(My best friend is abroad on holiday until next week, so i cant even tell her! :( And i cant tell my parents, they'd be too dissappointed in me, i have no siblings to go to, my sister is only 8! i didnt even show my face to anyone today, i couldnt! i just dont know what to do. ive not slept with anyone since my ex in april, so i know its him! and i just feel extremely dirty! I cant help but feel upset, i dont agree with abortions! But after loosing one baby, i just know i wont cope with pregnancy! I so dont know what to do! Please someone! Please give me some advice :( Sorry,
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abortion, best friend, depressed, drunk, my ex, on holiday, period, pregnancy test Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou so so much for your answers!
Its really got me thinking about so much, i never have belived in abortion, obviously there is reason, although personally i am strongly against.. im going to try and find the courage to tell my dad this weekend, we've always been so close and i geuss he'd take it better than my mum, and i have already made an appointment at the doctor, i am going to see a female doctor (one ive never even met before, because i think it would be easier!) and i go on monday morning.
Countrygal1462 yes i do know who the guy is, sort of. im just gonna have to speak to my friend whos party it was and ask her his name from the photos!
Thanks again, PAN your answer was so deep, im so greatful! everyone else you've realy made somethings make sence! thankyou xx
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (3 September 2009):
 There are lots of services out there to help you, but you have to pluck up the courage to speak out about what has happened. It is important that you report the rape to the police - even if they cannot prosecute him, the intelligence will remain on file as he is a sexual predator and this will be helpful to them if he strikes again. As for the pregnancy, you need to see your GP this week and explain the full situation - don't be afraid, doctors are trained in dealing with all aspects of sexual assault. You can ask the receptionist to make an appointment with a female doctor if you prefer. Obviously it is up to you to decide about the pregnancy but you could ask the Marie Stopes service for some impartial free counselling to come to a decision. You also need to make a decision about the pregnancy quickly as it is easier to deal with an abortion in the early stages. Your GP can refer you for some urgent specialist counselling and if you don't wish to tell your parents then it is up to you at this stage. I would say you should tell them as you need support. Please report this to the police for the sake of women in your community - if this boy raped you, he is capable of repeating it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): Hi, just wanted to add this. I really hope that you start talking about this and what happened to you soon. Please tell your parents, they are there to support you.
You did not do anything wrong, you just put yourself in a dangerous situation to be around alchohol and a lot of guys that you did not know....but still you are not to blame at all for what happened.
You were raped, and if you don't start talking, this will go underground and you will feel you can put this out of your mind, but it will not go away. You have suffered a trauma, and you will feel that you are somehow to blame for it, you will not trust any one, especially men, and you may fall into depression by turning your anger inward on yourself. Rape is not about sex first of all, it is about power and control. This person who did this to you deserves to be reported to the police. At the very least it will go on record if he should be reported again.
You have nothing to fear but fear itself, so get the courage to speak, that is the hardest thing to do after something like this is to tell about it, but you have to fight this fear with everything you have because the price to you for not doing so is to high. You will suffer for years if you do not....and that is not at all fair to you.
As far as the pregnancy, there are options for you, and you have some hard choices to make, but under the circumstances I think you might be better off terminating the pregnancy because of the trauma you have been through. I am sorry you lost a baby and how this complicates things for you emotionally. I think you really need to get some professional help to deal with this and to help you make the best decisions for you.
My prayers are with you.
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A
male
reader, Perspicacious +, writes (3 September 2009):
What a terrible situation to find yourself in. Words posted here don't seem adequate to express how sorry I am that this awful situation has happened to you.
But, as much as you need sympathy you also need some clear advice about what to do now. So, the first thing you need to realise is that you have done nothing wrong at all.
The only person to have done anything wrong is the guy that raped you. And raped is the right word - what he did was illegal.
I think you need to find the strength to talk to some people so you can begin to sort this out. Which order you do this in is up to you - start with whichever seems easiest.
One is your doctor. They can confirm the pregnancy test, and you also need to tell them how you got pregnant. You will need their support whatever you decide to do about the pregnancy, and I also suspect you will need counselling to help with the emotional pain.
Secondly, your parents. They have no reason to be disappointed in you - you have done nothing wrong. Telling them may be difficult but you need their love and support more than ever right now.
Thirdly, please tell the police. If he did this to you he could do it to someone else - don't let him get away with it, and don't let someone else go through what you are experiencing right now if you can help it.
Finally, specialist support is available from organisations such as http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk
They have centres in many places, telephone helplines and so on. They may well be able to offer much better advice than I or anyone else here can, as well as ongoing support.
Who ever you chose to talk to first, you will have taken a big step towards moving forwards - all it takes is that little bit of courage to get the ball moving.
I truly wish you the all the best - good luck!
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A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents  +, writes (3 September 2009):
 If you're going to have an abortion, do it NOW. It will not be any easier for you to do it weeks later, when you know the fetus has arms legs and a heartbeat. If you're not going to have an abortion, the best case scenario is that nine months from now you will have a healthy newborn baby. A child. Your child. For the rest of your life. And you will have to get child support from whoever this man is, for the next 18 years. Either way, whatever you decide to do, you will be ok. Many children are unplanned. Many embryos are aborted. Life goes on, either way. I personally do not want to ever have children, but I am told that raising a child is as rewarding as it is difficult. It is not necessary to be rich to have children, but do whatever you can to make sure you have finished high school.
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A
female
reader, countrygal462 +, writes (3 September 2009):
 i think you should tell your parents. u have nuthing to be ashamed of. u did nothing wrong. u were the victim in this. i understand you are worried to lose the baby again, but stay positive and take care of urself. jus out of curiousity, do u knoe the guy who hurt you? i figure you dont. but my big advice is to talk to ur parents. and then after the baby, get on birth control. see your doctor and have regular check ups. and if ur not ready for the baby, think about adoption. but just think of all your options. im here for you. good luck. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): I'm so sorry you're going through this, but we're here to talk to you and listen to you about whatever you need, at least I am. I'm sure everything is just so confusing right now, not knowing what to do, but talking sometimes helps.Anyway, first of all, when something like that happens, please know that it was NOT your fault. Someone taking advantage of someone else is inexcusable and it is their fault. I know you feel awful and upset and dirty, but you don't have to, you didn't do anything wrong. Your parents will probably be able to help you through this better than you realize. Maybe talk to one you are closer with first, they're your parents and they love you and will realize it wasn't your fault either. Then they will be able to help you decide what to do and get through things.I'm sorry you lost a child in the past, I know many people who have gone through that and it takes a long time to come to terms with sometimes, but this child may be different, there's no way of knowing yet. If you don't agree with abortion then you could always have the baby, but at some point you'll start to show, so telling your parents and close friends sooner rather than later may help you prepare. I'm sorry, I know I haven't offered much *actual* advice about what to do, I posted mainly just to let you know that there are people who are willing to talk and listen to you and I'm sure others will have better advice for you. I hope this helped some, if only for encouragement, and if you need someone to talk to still, you're always more than welcome to message me or probably anyone else on here, it's what we're here for. I hope things work out for you, and please keep us updated.
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